Does anybody else feel completely ruined?

SadSally

Well-known member
I do. I just know I'll never be normal or happy. I have OCD, SA and depression. I'm obsessed with age. I can't stand the idea of looking old and aging. I'm constantly worrying about everything. I can't even shop because i'm afraid of the cashiers. I have no skills so I can't get a job. I'm ugly. I have no friends. I'm like a ghost. I have no life of my own.
 

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
I definitely know how it feels to have your life feel absolutely ruined. My life has completely fallen apart and i have no idea how im supposed to go on
 

Drummer90

Member
I feel very similar. I try until I feel like I can't try anymore and I just end up exhausted and lost at the end of every day.
 

elephant99

Active member
I look at people and I think I will never be normal like them. I'm crazy and i'm never getting better. I can never achieve anything, I can't even have a conversation with another person! I'm a freak and my life is worthless.

and on and on and on..
 

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
Probably the worst comment ever to tell someone obsessed with her age, but since you are so scared of getting old, you should know better than doing nothing with your precious time. I suggest you make a list on which the first item would be what you actually want to do with your life (astronaut, artist, traveller, etc?), then you aknowledge the fact that you easily have at least 10 years to get there, and the rest of the items on the list are the things you need to do to get there. Nothing that is ruined can't be rebuilt.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I look at people and I think I will never be normal like them. I'm crazy and i'm never getting better. I can never achieve anything, I can't even have a conversation with another person! I'm a freak and my life is worthless.

and on and on and on..

Yep! Me too, sadly.
 

planemo

Well-known member
I do. I just know I'll never be normal or happy. I have OCD, SA and depression. I'm obsessed with age. I can't stand the idea of looking old and aging. I'm constantly worrying about everything. I can't even shop because i'm afraid of the cashiers. I have no skills so I can't get a job. I'm ugly. I have no friends. I'm like a ghost. I have no life of my own.

I can relate to almost everything you said. I'm trying to change my perception of my situation though. Maybe for me this is a life. Maybe the challengers of this way of living cannot be handled by everyone. Maybe I'm one of those that can handle it. It also depends of what you view as having a life. Do you regard a homeless man as not having a life? What about someone who is disabled? I bet you don't view them as worthless losers so why would you see yourself that way? One thing we must all realise is that life is challenging and we all have different challenges. Therefore not everyone can achieve the same levels of success and there is no standard for what having a good life is. Maybe the fact that despite your difficulties you're still alive is already a success. Maybe the way in which you cope despite all these "flaws" is itself a success.
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
You have two conscious choices you can make every day: be miserable, or do something about all the things that are going wrong. So you're afraid of shopping because you're afraid of interacting with the cashiers. What exactly are you afraid of? What's the worst thing that can happen, really?

As soon as you dismantle the bomb that is mind-fueled anxiety, freedom becomes much closer.
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Once in a while I come across someone I would consider as 'ugly'. (we cant possibly find everyone's looks to our liking). I noticed some of these 'ugly' people are down on themselves, negative, and it shows.

Other 'ugly' people seem to get on with their lives. They perhaps understand it's not all about looks and rather than going around thinking 'everyone is looking at how ugly I am' they focus their energies on their work, or are good socially. Perhaps they are good at volunteering. They find their 'niche' where they can give to others and find some self worth and fulfillment.

A lot of them have families and kids. I know of a few 'ugly' guys who have reasonably attractive partners.
So yea, even if you do consider yourself 'ugly', not everyone else will. And most people will value WHO you are as a person on the inside much more important.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
You have two conscious choices you can make every day: be miserable, or do something about all the things that are going wrong. So you're afraid of shopping because you're afraid of interacting with the cashiers. What exactly are you afraid of? What's the worst thing that can happen, really?

As soon as you dismantle the bomb that is mind-fueled anxiety, freedom becomes much closer.

You could have store security come after because you are so anxious you look suspicious, it's happened to me.
 

theoutsider

Well-known member
I do. I just know I'll never be normal or happy. I have OCD, SA and depression. I'm obsessed with age. I can't stand the idea of looking old and aging. I'm constantly worrying about everything. I can't even shop because i'm afraid of the cashiers. I have no skills so I can't get a job. I'm ugly. I have no friends. I'm like a ghost. I have no life of my own.

I've come to the conclusion that I will never be 'normal'. Everyday I work to find an alternative to normalcy which will make me happy. I believe this can be done and that is what keeps me going. Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy every moment of every day, I just realize I'm not as happy as I should be or would be if I didn't have OCD and SA.
 

rockchick46

Well-known member
I do. I just know I'll never be normal or happy. I have OCD, SA and depression. I'm obsessed with age. I can't stand the idea of looking old and aging. I'm constantly worrying about everything. I can't even shop because i'm afraid of the cashiers. I have no skills so I can't get a job. I'm ugly. I have no friends. I'm like a ghost. I have no life of my own.
I know how you feel SadSally! I have SA & Depression & I hate that I have had too put my uni course on hold. Also my doctor& psychiatrist has told me, that I can not work at all right now....I have never been so damn poor.....EVER!

We just need to say BE STRONG THIS WILL PASS! I have too believe that & I will be able to cope & please stop thinking that you are ugly! Beauty is more then skin deep. Beauty (real BEAUTY) starts from within! If your heart & soul are Beautiful, then you are a very BEAUTIFUL person. [emoji258] [emoji259] [emoji178] [emoji272] [emoji259] [emoji178] [emoji258] [emoji178]

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
You could have store security come after because you are so anxious you look suspicious, it's happened to me.

Store security people look at me a little longer than normal because I have tattoos, so they tend to be a little suspicious sometimes. What's interesting is that when they do that, I feel as though I've stolen something even though I haven't, so I probably look like I'm trying to appear normal despite having done something bad. Interesting how the mind works.
 

w*n*c*a*m

Well-known member
I do. I just know I'll never be normal or happy. I have OCD, SA and depression. I'm obsessed with age. I can't stand the idea of looking old and aging. I'm constantly worrying about everything. I can't even shop because i'm afraid of the cashiers. I have no skills so I can't get a job. I'm ugly. I have no friends. I'm like a ghost. I have no life of my own.

You talk just like me. Of all the things I am worried most, it is TIME. I hate celebrating my birthday coz it only reminds me that I'm getting older and I've wasted another year of constant struggles trying to improve myself (especially with SA) but in vain.
 

lonerism

Well-known member
You have two conscious choices you can make every day: be miserable, or do something about all the things that are going wrong. So you're afraid of shopping because you're afraid of interacting with the cashiers. What exactly are you afraid of? What's the worst thing that can happen, really?

As soon as you dismantle the bomb that is mind-fueled anxiety, freedom becomes much closer.

I've had some pretty upsetting experiences with cashiers. Quite often (similar to what you mentioned in another post in this thread), I receive an increased amount of scrutiny from them than other customers seem to receive. And don't insult me by telling me that it's my imagination; I have eyes, I can see that they are staring at me or giving me other (or more subtle) forms of increased scrutiny. My perceptions are not that off that I cannot accurately determine such things.

Just one example: a cashier at a pretty popular regional grocery store chain (I'd love to name the store, but I won't) literally gave me a 10-second stare-down. Shortly after it was my turn to be checked-out, and he was about to start ringing up my items - he just kind-of stopped what he was doing, and stared at me for a ridiculously excessive length of time. Things got so excruciating and awkward that I fumbled for something to say to break his gaze. It was only after I awkwardly said, "Why are you continuing to look at me?" that he kind-of broke his stare off and said some silly, "customer-service" line that escapes me right now (I probably don't recall exactly what he said because my anxiety/stress-level was so high from his rude prolonged staring).

I've had very similar things happen to me much more than they should; cashiers giving me a certain stare-down. For someone with social anxiety as severe as mine - such treatment is a big deal, and is extremely difficult to take in stride. It is torturous for people in my predicament to have experiences that reinforce my fears about interacting with people, and confirm certain ideas that there is something "odd" about me that encourages or emboldens people to stare at me.

So, certain "fears" about cashiers may seem unwarranted to you and to others whose anxiety does not cross a certain threshold of severity - or who have not been treated in a discriminatory manner by these employees. But for those of us who are struggling with certain severe symptoms - and have had the unfortunate experiences that confirm our fears - such fears are quite realistic.

A major part of the problem is that employees have been drilled to be on the lookout for possible shoplifters - and they have been trained to see certain behavior (even if such observations are based on nothing more than a "gut feeling") as "suspicious". S.A.D. sufferers who are unlucky enough to not be able to hide our symptoms well enough - or who are unlucky enough to somehow have other characteristics that are misjudged - can be the unfortunate victims of this toxic retail atmosphere.
 
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