Knight1985
Member
Has any of you have had dominating parents? Iv had my mom dominate me all my life. I reckon a lot of my present sad state of affairs is due to her dominating n manipulative ways
Dominating parents
- Thread starter Knight1985
- Start date
Richey
Well-known member
Narcissism, Fear, Anger, controlling is bad, plain and simple. The outcome will usually always produce messed up sons and daughters.
The best parents are relaxed, fun, educational, whilst still teaching disciplined behaviour, but in an easy to understand way....teaching not using fear but enthusiasm and kindness. This usually equates to success.
The best parents are relaxed, fun, educational, whilst still teaching disciplined behaviour, but in an easy to understand way....teaching not using fear but enthusiasm and kindness. This usually equates to success.
Whoopdeedoo
Well-known member
Yup i feel that.
Gets so you dont know what you want
Or how to get it.
Than youre dominated by everyone you meet
Friends, coworkers, lovers and the salesclerk lol
Cause they sense your indecision and lack of belief in yourself
And they prey on it
Am i wrong
We need to set boundries but we dont know how to
And when we get fed up with people around us being dominating and speak up for ourselves they look @ us like we re crazy & attempt to subdue us with phrases like your crazy , your too sensitive, youre over reacting ....This puts us back where we started because us being the way we are benefits those around us
Gets so you dont know what you want
Or how to get it.
Than youre dominated by everyone you meet
Friends, coworkers, lovers and the salesclerk lol
Cause they sense your indecision and lack of belief in yourself
And they prey on it
Am i wrong
We need to set boundries but we dont know how to
And when we get fed up with people around us being dominating and speak up for ourselves they look @ us like we re crazy & attempt to subdue us with phrases like your crazy , your too sensitive, youre over reacting ....This puts us back where we started because us being the way we are benefits those around us
Section_31
Well-known member
My Ex is very much like this due to her father. He tried to be that way towards me. Didn't fly.
No good comes from this style of parenting.
No good comes from this style of parenting.
Knight1985
Member
Exactly. Many times I get walked over by people making me wonder is something so obvious that everyone knows I can be dominated.
I'm sick of her taunts.. It has reached a point where today when we are having this issue with the contractor a part of me says "Let her stew in her own soup. She never listened to my advise. Why shud I feel guilt for the mess"
Always uses emotional tactics when bullying doesn't work. I failed in maths in 10th grade n wanted so desperately to take commerce or arts n run away from maths in the next grade. I ended up with science because of her dominating attitude. Result was I took 4 yrs to graduate from high school Cuz I cudnt do the maths! Today I get taunted if I am with friends... I can't stay out beyond 9. Why this why that. N her obsession with the god Damn house is irritating. She spends a lot of her time cleaning it. My god...
M sorry m jus ranting. I jus want to live my life in my own ways not ambitious. Jus simple things make me happy
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Whoopdeedoo
Well-known member
A parent /child relationship is a touchy subject fo touch.
Being youre likely a minor or dependent on her.
Im sure she did the best she could. Respect that.
Im a mom. Im sure not a perfect one. Shes likely projecting her fears
And overprotective. Married with a natural process that occurs in
A minors journey toward independence.
My only advise is to prove to her she did a good job by making good descisions
Guided by reason and intellect. Show her youre trustworthy and earn your freedom.
Obey her reasonably sound requests and let her own the unreasonable ones
Be interdependent now. Ask her if she needs help and help her.
Do things you know necessary without being prompted to .
Get a Part time job. Deliver the paper, walk a dog. Whatever.
Start forging a little of your own life. SLOWLY
It will be ok. It will get better. Not overnight and not with words.
You need to speak with your your actions .
And do so with patience, love, respect and understanding.
I wish you luck. Own yourself in piecemeal ,meaning a little @ a time.
Being youre likely a minor or dependent on her.
Im sure she did the best she could. Respect that.
Im a mom. Im sure not a perfect one. Shes likely projecting her fears
And overprotective. Married with a natural process that occurs in
A minors journey toward independence.
My only advise is to prove to her she did a good job by making good descisions
Guided by reason and intellect. Show her youre trustworthy and earn your freedom.
Obey her reasonably sound requests and let her own the unreasonable ones
Be interdependent now. Ask her if she needs help and help her.
Do things you know necessary without being prompted to .
Get a Part time job. Deliver the paper, walk a dog. Whatever.
Start forging a little of your own life. SLOWLY
It will be ok. It will get better. Not overnight and not with words.
You need to speak with your your actions .
And do so with patience, love, respect and understanding.
I wish you luck. Own yourself in piecemeal ,meaning a little @ a time.
Knight1985
Member
Thanks for your thoughts. I am 28 but yes I am jobless hence dependant on her. I love my mom.. I do... When I read ur msg I cried in silence... But I can't seem to fight through my anxieties. She does love me but this love is also slowly choking me. My mind is misfiring so bad right now.
skins
1
its true we are the way we are to a large extent by how we were treated by our guardians...my mum will even admit that she went about it the wrong way, but also admits that being young and inexperienced she didn't know any better, and was just trying her best...so you cant feel any anger or resentment for that....
and while she has changed dramatically from those days, and is why I get along so great with her now, if I see any glimpses of those past behaviour patterns (quite rarely mind you) which affected me so negatively as a child, I get extremely angry and go into a rage at her, and then the guilt floods over me afterwards. Its hard to describe but in my head I'm saying just stay calm and let it boil over but the hurtfull words just seem to flow out and I can't stop them from being said. This just happened today and im very sad about it.
and while she has changed dramatically from those days, and is why I get along so great with her now, if I see any glimpses of those past behaviour patterns (quite rarely mind you) which affected me so negatively as a child, I get extremely angry and go into a rage at her, and then the guilt floods over me afterwards. Its hard to describe but in my head I'm saying just stay calm and let it boil over but the hurtfull words just seem to flow out and I can't stop them from being said. This just happened today and im very sad about it.
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Whoopdeedoo
Well-known member
Please dont JUST. be upset..... ;-( Be inspired! 
Lifes a challenge and this is a BIG one
With your ma & the job situation.
I dont know your diagnosis or if youre in treatment
For meds and talk therapy.
I hope you are. You are on an SA site
If youre not in treatment or have no health insurance.. Your 1st step to make.
Is to address that. This site is a great support system but make sure it isnt misused to commisserate or have negativity cosigned by sick others.
Misery loves company!
Going back to school is a valid option. A school that ends with a licence or certification to practice a specific trade is best in this lousy economy.
Its good to search demand for your stidy 1st ,ensuring your efforts worth making.
Federal & state aid is available to help pay for education.
Another avenue you may explore is VESID.
Vocational Educational Services for Individuals with Disabilities
A counselor and Dr can help with obtaining that.
Focus on you and create possibilities and options.
Its better to have tried and failed than not to have tried at all...
Good luck & prayers to you
I know advise is easier to give than take
These are some of the things I would try
Youre still young
You have a wonderful life ahead of you
Lifes a challenge and this is a BIG one
With your ma & the job situation.
I dont know your diagnosis or if youre in treatment
For meds and talk therapy.
I hope you are. You are on an SA site
If youre not in treatment or have no health insurance.. Your 1st step to make.
Is to address that. This site is a great support system but make sure it isnt misused to commisserate or have negativity cosigned by sick others.
Misery loves company!
Going back to school is a valid option. A school that ends with a licence or certification to practice a specific trade is best in this lousy economy.
Its good to search demand for your stidy 1st ,ensuring your efforts worth making.
Federal & state aid is available to help pay for education.
Another avenue you may explore is VESID.
Vocational Educational Services for Individuals with Disabilities
A counselor and Dr can help with obtaining that.
Focus on you and create possibilities and options.
Its better to have tried and failed than not to have tried at all...
Good luck & prayers to you
I know advise is easier to give than take
These are some of the things I would try
Youre still young
You have a wonderful life ahead of you
dottie
Well-known member
Please dont JUST. be upset..... ;-( Be inspired!
Lifes a challenge and this is a BIG one
With your ma & the job situation.
I dont know your diagnosis or if youre in treatment
For meds and talk therapy.
I hope you are. You are on an SA site
If youre not in treatment or have no health insurance.. Your 1st step to make.
Is to address that. This site is a great support system but make sure it isnt misused to commisserate or have negativity cosigned by sick others.
Misery loves company!
Going back to school is a valid option. A school that ends with a licence or certification to practice a specific trade is best in this lousy economy.
Its good to search demand for your stidy 1st ,ensuring your efforts worth making.
Federal & state aid is available to help pay for education.
Another avenue you may explore is VESID.
Vocational Educational Services for Individuals with Disabilities
A counselor and Dr can help with obtaining that.
Focus on you and create possibilities and options.
Its better to have tried and failed than not to have tried at all...
Good luck & prayers to you
I know advise is easier to give than take
These are some of the things I would try
Youre still young
You have a wonderful life ahead of you
Be my mom???
Whoopdeedoo
Well-known member
Lol. Awe thanks
I know its hard
I was a late boomer
& an early retiree. Lol
My sons off to college soon
Now what ?
Thought about fostering lol
I know its hard
I was a late boomer
& an early retiree. Lol
My sons off to college soon
Now what ?
Thought about fostering lol
Whoopdeedoo
Well-known member
Anf thanks for making me smile & lol
findnemo10
Member
Yes, my parents, especially my dad, are very controlling and domineering. It's affected my life. I'm married now with a one year old. My dad still tells me how to parent, also he hates my husband.My husband hates my parents too. It feels as if I can never make my own decisions, until my dad passes, and chances are I will be in my 50's or 60's when that happens. My parents are narcissists too so it has messed me up sometimes.
deleteduser50890
Banned
My mother is somewhat controlling, but I think it's partly because she's a stone cold Virgo. It has always been about material things. Thankfully she's never really tried to dig her hands into my affairs or what I do, or etc. But she will often criticize and nitpick to death anything or anyone that I have brought around her. (Typical Virgo behavior) and if she hears of any of my life plans or goals, she almost always has to say something that makes me feel like I'm either 12 or that I don't know what I'm doing. I also think it's because I'm her only child and have been through quite a bit so far in life, which is understandable but I don't think she realizes that she's being more annoying than actually helpful at times. Also, being a Virgo normally means that *some* struggle with a denial problem, which I think my mother lives in, a vast world of denial.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Aye, am exactly the same with my family.
anomicdeer
Well-known member
That's most likely why I have the problems I have...
My mother is dominating alright. I was taken advantage of many times because I loved her too much. I remember one time, we were planning to go on a long trip where I was to help her with her music performance (by carrying all the heavy musical instruments and setting it up for her). However, on the day of, I got a terrible food poisoning case and I was throwing up/you-know-what on my throne for hours since early morning. By the time she got up, I was completely exhausted, covered in cold sweat, and my stomache still persisted. I told her to leave with her friends and ask her band members to set up the stage for her as I didn't feel I could even walk. She threw a terrible tantrum as I was lying on the bathroom floor and said to me, "No, you must go. I need you to be there to carry my stuff and help me change clothes. Get up now." So she forced me into the car and drove on. The drive was 10 hours long and I was suffering. There were parts of the road that the closest rest area was 15 miles away. She kept shoving Pepto Bismo into my mouth so I would stop wanting to use the restroom and she wouldn't have to make too may stops on the road.
From that day on, I learned the lesson of standing up for myself and putting my foot down, even to a family member. Although I still love her very much, I learned to say NO and ignore her tantrum. I'm the child in this relationship here not the parent. And I know when I'm sick, I deserve to have a good rest. Period.
Have a good laugh and reflect on the lesson. :bigsmile:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ma mum won't allow me to make ma own decision withoot her contradicting me. Ah never even got to choose whether I wanted to huv my dad in my life in ma mid-teens. That forced upon, much like her negative outlook oan life.
Even on trvial things ah do daily, like shavin' ma beard, ah actually huv to ask her permission cuz she's gotta know everythin' ah do whenever ah come out ma bedroom, which is rare nonowadays. And she's always gotta huv the last word in an argument, and get things her way.
Plus, her paranoia about & mistrust of strangers has meant ah huv'nae made any close friends in 10 years. And that friend wus physically disabled like me. That how sad ma life is. Ah don't even feel like an adult compared to other folk my age. :sad:
But huvin said aw that, ah've learnt to stand-up to her and for myself when ah feel she's tryin' to manipulate me.
So, ah guess that's a good thing? :idontknow:
Even on trvial things ah do daily, like shavin' ma beard, ah actually huv to ask her permission cuz she's gotta know everythin' ah do whenever ah come out ma bedroom, which is rare nonowadays. And she's always gotta huv the last word in an argument, and get things her way.
Plus, her paranoia about & mistrust of strangers has meant ah huv'nae made any close friends in 10 years. And that friend wus physically disabled like me. That how sad ma life is. Ah don't even feel like an adult compared to other folk my age. :sad:
But huvin said aw that, ah've learnt to stand-up to her and for myself when ah feel she's tryin' to manipulate me.
So, ah guess that's a good thing? :idontknow: