dont know what's wrong with me..can anyone help?

cait07

New member
hi..i just feel a need to vent and im having alot of problems in school and with people in general. ive just recently started going back to school after being out of school for about 3 years and i was bascially going no where in my life. ive never had many friends...as i have always been so scared of rejection and an intense fear of being a failure to people that i always put a wall up when i meet people at it usually takes me at least a year or two to be completely comfortable around someone. even then, i hold back all the time and im extremely unasstertive..i never say anything i want to or am feeling and i dont know how to say no to someone because i think its going to make them dislike me or think about me differently. im always putting other people ahead of myself and i long for a friendship where i do not have to do this and can just be myself with a person without putting up a wall. in school, i have a few aquaitences but lately ive been getting to know one woman in particular and she seems like a geuinely nice person but i am so uncomfortable around her because she is basically the opposite of me..she speaks her mind, is loud..and at times too aggressive in social situations. this overwhelms me incredibly, and i freeze up at times and dont know what to say or do and i wont speak up to her because of how overpowering her personality is to me. i dont know if anyone is going to read this, but if someone does i would just like to know what i can do about this so i can feel a bit better around people. i was thinking maybe i should see a counseller but i dont know if i can talk to someone that openly. but if someone reads, thank you..and ANY comments are much appreciated.
 

Cedeejay

Member
I understand how you feel, I used to feel like this a lot. I still have some moments like these even today. I think that having this friend is going to help a lot. Of course at first you don't feel confortable around her, but remember we have UNRATIONAL toughts.

It is unrational to be uncomfortable around people. And what I see is that we have '2 persons' in each one of us: there is you, who knows all of this isn't right, like it shouldn't be like this. You know it is irrational and all that stuff. But there's another you, more in the stomach area that, to this day, fears social situations. It's not bad: actually it is doing its job, as it thinks that social situation put you in danger. It is his role to hold you back. So what I think we should do is 'showing him' that actually there's no danger involved at all. So that means making commitment to try to get involved in social situations. But humans are hard believer, so it'll take more than one time. BUT IT WORKS. I never met any psy since my peak moment, to make sure it wouldn't go down again.

And this is here and now that this friend of yours is going to be gold: because she will drag you into social situations. No need to provoke them at all (well for now) It is way easier than going by yourself. Again, it all depend on what you want to do. But she will obviously be of gold if you go into that direction. I know it takes balls, ALOT of balls. It is the hardest yet the most effective and fast way I can see to make the fears disappear.

Oh and use positive thinking ALOT: DONT LEAVE YOURSELF OPEN to negative statements. One particular thought that helped me and still is,cwhen I see that other people are being cool and all, I keep telling me
- Its normal, those people never went through what I am going trough right now. If I hadn't SA I would be like this, plus if I manage to reach this level it will mean nothing can prevent me anymore from being happy.
ALL OF US WITH NO EXCEPTION IS AN INTERESTING PERSON. The one turning this fact down is yourself, myself, themselves, wathever.

The effect of social anxiety in a chemistric point of view is a lack of serotonin. I think there is a neurotransmitter preventing the serotonin to flow and thats what alcohol inhibits. (not too sure tough, I don't remember the explanations well. I was waaaaay too tired to listen to the course this morning haha). Dopamin and adrenalin are responsible of happiness and high energy, but negative thinking inhibit their reactions (again not sure)

If you still need other support, let me know. I'll be glad to help :)
 
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