Drugs and SA.

I feel like I am to blame for my SA. I used to have a decent social life. I was able to have jobs, bfs and be around people without feeling like every person was judging me. I was put on Xanax in 9th grade for insomina & before I knew it was addicted taking up to 12 a day. I started doing other drugs, just to run away from my depression.

This went on for probably 10 years. I didn't decide to get clean until I passed out on my lawn. My neighbor and my parents called 911, so embarrassing. Now I am sober & I cant deal with real life or people. I feel like I am returning to the world from years of addiction, sober and yet feeling expossed and unprotected before the world. Did I slip into social anxiety before I had the chance to learn to cope with the emotional side of being sober?

Is this possible? Every second of every day I want to crawl out of my skin.

I don't think you're to blame really. You took those drugs to fight off your depression; the SA coming about was just an unfortunate incident that happened afterwards. Your body has acquired a physical and emotional dependence on those drugs. You've got to be the one to cut off that addiction. Be strong and mow them down.

Xanax for insomnia? Isn´t it a bit overkill They are not even sleeping pills as far as I know.

Did I slip into social anxiety before I had the chance to learn to cope with the emotional side of being sober?

Is this possible? Every second of every day I want to crawl out of my skin.

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I don't think you can blame yourself for developing a certain emotional state. There could be a lot of factors as to why you have developed SAD, and could have nothing to do with your past addictions. You said you were having problems with insomnia, and usually poor sleep is associated with emotional problems, so it could be that you had these emotional tendencies before you were put on medication.

Anyway it's good to hear that you're sober, and perhaps the drugs was used as an escape. Now without that escape you're feeling tentative as you are facing the world as you haven't done in a number of years. Again, I don't think you can blame yourself for that. We are all tentative as newborns.

Hope things work out for you.

DeadmanWalking said:

I don't think you're to blame really. You took those drugs to fight off your depression; the SA coming about was just an unfortunate incident that happened afterwards. Your body has acquired a physical and emotional dependence on those drugs. You've got to be the one to cut off that addiction. Be strong and mow them down.

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thank you for your feedback. greatly appreciated! I am trying to stay strong & not revert back to my old life but its getting harder & harder each day.


@lea; I was taking seroquel to help with my insomina but it didnt help, then I tried trazodone but like most of my sleep aids, it worked until it didnt. I looked online and saw that xanax helped insomina so he wrote me a script and voila! It did cure my sleepless nights but I just needed to take more and more to get sedated.


@planemo; I totally agree I did have some emotional problems. I just feel like I am emotionally stunted and I am just learning how to cope with the real world. What seems to easy to most people like working, I cant seem to do. Its really hard not to feel like a complete loser. Thank you for your input though!

shakethelight said:

thank you for your feedback. greatly appreciated! I am trying to stay strong & not revert back to my old life but its getting harder & harder each day.

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It won't be easy. There will be times when you just want to give up, but you can't. It would help if you could get some support through this.

DeadmanWalking said:

It won't be easy. There will be times when you just want to give up, but you can't. It would help if you could get some support through this.

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It's definitely not easy. I appreciate the encouragement.
I am seeking outside help, my therapist is on vaca til July 9th so I am just going a little crazy being alone with my thoughts lately.

shakethelight said:

It's definitely not easy. I appreciate the encouragement.
I am seeking outside help, my therapist is on vaca til July 9th so I am just going a little crazy being alone with my thoughts lately.

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Well, I'm usually around, so, if you need to talk about it, I don't mind listening. Or you can post your thoughts in a journal on here and share your thoughts with everyone on here.

I'm sorry, but I agree with everyone. You definitely aren't to be blamed. Fighting with an addiction as well as depression is never easy. I'm sure it can be done though. Share whatever is on your mind here, we're always listening.

DeadmanWalking said:

Well, I'm usually around, so, if you need to talk about it, I don't mind listening. Or you can post your thoughts in a journal on here and share your thoughts with everyone on here.

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Thank you! Ah, I had such a hard time posting this so I don't know if I am ready to start a journal but who knows. Same goes for you, I am always around to listen as well.

Srijita52 said:

I'm sorry, but I agree with everyone. You definitely aren't to be blamed. Fighting with an addiction as well as depression is never easy. I'm sure it can be done though. Share whatever is on your mind here, we're always listening.

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Thanks, everyone is kind here ha. I definitely feel better just getting my thoughts out there.

^it always feels good after letting them out. I'm glad you're feeling better.