Dunno how to help myself

Hi
I am really feeling very weird by sharing this for the first time that i really don't even hav an iota of confidence in myself...Whenever i go outside i feel so much uncomfortable that i always look downwards while walking...i never ever make eye contacts wid any person on road..either i look straight or i just look downwards when i really don't have any option...It sucks everytime when after so much pep talk from everyone in my family i fail to confront my fears...i don't know what to do..i don't know how to explain what i feel whenever i go outside...I hardly go outside ..maybe twice or thrice in a month...n even in those few times i fail to confront my fears.. it sucks even more when by any chance i happen to see someone who looks. great. n when they are wid their friends....I don't have any friends at all..it's too hard for me to trust anyone..i m being homeschooled from past 2 years..n reason behind that was again my failure attitude ...i have so many problems that i really dunno what to do wid myself...i think alot...Alot...like real ALOT...i m always thinking ...n every 5 minutes i tend to think smthng negative like what will happen if someone close to me dies or something like that..n i freaking cry everytime when i think that because i so don't want that to happen..n this is just only one problem...i have tonnes of insecurities n so many weird negative imaginations...i m really hopeless now..i know i need to go outside but still few months are left for me to regularly participate in outside life which apparently will b college life for me..i knw my sob story seems big but trust me this is nothing...i have got loads with which i deal on regular basis...i dunno what to ask p from u guys..i dunno if u can relate wid me or not ...but if u hav anything to say thn please stop by n reply something which will help me to survive this everyday torture...i feel like a total failure..

Welcome my friend congrats on one step closer to recovery! because I believe you have come to the right place. I am also a newbie, but I already feel so much better just knowing that I finally have support from people who TRUELY UNDERSTAND. No doctor or even family member will ever know exactly what you have been through. I have sent you a very long private message with my thoughts and advice. I hope it helps.

Fix it now, because, honestly it's not that bad. It gets worse! That's the only advice I can give anyone = fix it now because it'll only get worse! Sorry to be a realist, but maybe having you see it as it really is will motivate you to change. That misery and feeling of failure is there to motivate you to change, don't run away from it and escape it (that's the worse way to do it because it does not fix it and it wastes precious time of your life!) Life is short!

Hi soulles. I am new on here too. Like Chris said, you have taken a step in the right direction by coming on here and writing about what you are going through. In what you are going through it takes a lot of courage to come on here and post to other people. If you keep making steps like this, you will get better and better.

Hello Soulless,

Don't think of yourself in this way. Everyone has something to give to the world, it just takes some people longer to find than others.

You need to find a passion for something, something that you can become very interested in. Find a new hobby, find some new friends, read lots of books. This will expand your encounters with different subjects and one subject will jump out at you and say "this is for you."

You can then become engrossed in the subject and all your other fears and negative thoughts will disappear.

I truly believe that finding something you are truly passionate about will change these thoughts. It will give you a strong sense of purpose.