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Old 02-18-2009  
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Default Eliminate the root cause of social anxiety

Our beliefs are the root cause of social anxiety. Medication can dull the symptoms, but it's not a cure.

Here's an example from another thread to illustrate my point.

Problem: It feels like others see something in me that makes me less worthwhile than everyone else. Is this social anxiety or am I just boring?

Solution: That's definitely a huge cause of social anxiety. After getting so many reactions like that, you start to perceive yourself that way, and you internalize the belief "I'm less worthwhile than everyone else." And any time you enter a social situation, that belief lurks in your subconscious - instead of enjoying the interaction, you'll be searching for evidence to reinforce your belief that "I'm less worthwhile than everyone else."

You mentioned that you also perceive yourself as boring, so that's another belief: "I am boring." And during interactions, you'll look for evidence to reinforce that belief as well.

What happens is you'll actually start to behave like you're boring and not worthwhile, simply because you have those beliefs in your head.

So you've identified 2 limiting beliefs, that's a good start. Now you can start going to work on yourself to remove those beliefs. You can form 2 new opposing beliefs: "I am worthwhile" and "I am interesting."

How can you form those new beliefs? Well, what would it take for you to see yourself and worthwhile and interesting? Set some reasonable goals, and start working toward them. As you work toward the goals, remind yourself that every day you are becoming more worthwhile and interesting.

As soon as your brain accepts that your new beliefs are stronger than your old limiting beliefs, you'll have a realization: "OK, I've been improving myself. I'm ready to consider myself worthwhile and interesting," then BAM you'll have a paradigm shift, you'll see yourself differently, and you'll see the world differently. Our minds are incredible.

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Old 02-23-2009  
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Helpful words. I have been thinking about the problem too (not the solution though) and for me, it was kids teasing me for becoming fat when I was 6. It's sad how a group of living beings can damage another living being for life by isolating it and taking pleasure in doing so. We are pretty vicious as living beings.
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Old 02-23-2009  
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Very helpful words. Great Post!
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Old 02-23-2009  
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It's tough when you feel hopeless, it seems like there's always something "negative" to blow-out of proportion to reinforce your screwed-up perception of yourself.

Usually it's nothing, or if it is something, it's just people reacting to a visibly-uncomfortable person, not to someone who is inferior.
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Old 03-05-2009  
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Default Re: Eliminate the root cause of social anxiety

It's pretty easy to reinforce the belief that you're less worthwhile and boring when you get ignored a lot, and when people refuse to associate with you. You don't need to look for any evidence because it's already there, right in front of you.
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Old 03-14-2009  
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Default Re: Eliminate the root cause of social anxiety

Quote:
Originally Posted by mndigi
Helpful words. I have been thinking about the problem too (not the solution though) and for me, it was kids teasing me for becoming fat when I was 6. It's sad how a group of living beings can damage another living being for life by isolating it and taking pleasure in doing so. We are pretty vicious as living beings.
Thanks. Are people vicious? I think that's a pretty unhealthy attitude to have. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JanineCooke
Very helpful words. Great Post!
Hey thanks a lot!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hush
It's tough when you feel hopeless, it seems like there's always something "negative" to blow-out of proportion to reinforce your screwed-up perception of yourself.

Usually it's nothing, or if it is something, it's just people reacting to a visibly-uncomfortable person, not to someone who is inferior.
So let's get to the bottom of the discomfort, find the beliefs that are driving it, and change them!

Quote:
Originally Posted by kiwimanji
It's pretty easy to reinforce the belief that you're less worthwhile and boring when you get ignored a lot, and when people refuse to associate with you. You don't need to look for any evidence because it's already there, right in front of you.
So you have to start doing things to become more worthwhile and interesting to support your new beliefs.

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Old 03-14-2009  
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Default Re: Eliminate the root cause of social anxiety

The problem though is when you have nothing to say, in these cases how can you not consider yourself boring? I went to the pub about a month ago with 3 classmates from a language course I'm attending, we stayed there for almost an hour and I didn't start a single conversation, I just listened, smiled and sometimes gave short replies. When it was over I was proud I went to the pub with them, but it just reinforced my beliefs that I'm boring.
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Old 03-14-2009  
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Default Re: Eliminate the root cause of social anxiety

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Originally Posted by misterF View Post
The problem though is when you have nothing to say, in these cases how can you not consider yourself boring? I went to the pub about a month ago with 3 classmates from a language course I'm attending, we stayed there for almost an hour and I didn't start a single conversation, I just listened, smiled and sometimes gave short replies. When it was over I was proud I went to the pub with them, but it just reinforced my beliefs that I'm boring.
Why do you feel like you have nothing to say? Is it because you feel that, anything you might talk about, would be considered boring? Again that leads back to a belief that you're boring. Do something in your life that interests you, so you can talk about that, and form a new belief that you're interesting.

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Old 03-14-2009  
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Default Re: Eliminate the root cause of social anxiety

Quote:
Originally Posted by misterF View Post
The problem though is when you have nothing to say, in these cases how can you not consider yourself boring? I went to the pub about a month ago with 3 classmates from a language course I'm attending, we stayed there for almost an hour and I didn't start a single conversation, I just listened, smiled and sometimes gave short replies. When it was over I was proud I went to the pub with them, but it just reinforced my beliefs that I'm boring.
Maybe they were just talking about things that you don't have much interest/knowledge about. Something you could do (and me too) is try to read more and become more knowledgeable about different things, and chances are you'll have more to talk about and be more interesting as well. Or, if someone is talking about stuff that you know nothing about, ask questions and show interest.
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Old 03-14-2009  
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Default Re: Eliminate the root cause of social anxiety

Very inspiring. as are all your posts! It's true, our minds are really amazing, we just have to learn how to make the most of them, and bear in mind that our every thought controls who we are in the end:

Your thoughts become your words.
Your words become your actions.
Your actions become your legacy.
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