Livingwithoutlivin
Well-known member
I really hate that I am like this, I really wish this was not a problem at all, I wish I didn't have to even start thinking about getting nervous when I go to the mall and pay for something, I make others nervous too.
I went to Express and got some pants, and then I was looking at a shirt, and some lady came and asked me if I needed help, and she seemed a tad aggressive, so I didn't like that because it makes me feel like she thinks I'm going to steal something, maybe cause I'm dressed down. Then I go to the cashier and pay for my stuff, and I'm thinking I'm doing OK and don't look to anxious, but then the cashier curls in her lips, and I think it's to cover some anxiety I might be projecting on to her, but man, anyway, I try my best to smile after I'm done paying with credit card.
Then I go to Macy's and buy a sweater and my anxiety was really bad there, I always feel like people are staring at me and judging me and they probably think I look like a slob, then when I went to the fitting rooms, I felt very uncomfortable while the lady was checking how many items I was bringing in, and then after trying the clothes and coming out of the fitting stall, I go to her and give her what I dont' want, and she has like a frown on her face, even though I tried to smile, and told myself I would look normal and cheerful- when I give her my clothes- so that confused me. Then when I was standing in line to pay for my clothes I was so fricking anxious to hurry up and get out of there, and then the cashiers were looking at me and I was curling my lips to cover the discomfort and then I finally got to the cashier, and she was pretty good at just smiling and not letting my discomfort get to her, and I appreciated and admired that she didn't succumb to my anxiety as others do. I smiled at her as genuinely as I could and left the mall, but on my way to the library, I just kept wishing I didn't have this problem, I did have it at the mall too. I feel that the worst thing I can do is keep trying to hide from society. I think that only makes it worse, and harder to bear the outside world, the next time I go out. I must keep expriencing until I find real problems, and realize how much it matters to keep up an image of normalcy with others, because I need others as alliances to make it through this life.
Anyway, guys I'm thinking about joining the National Guard to get some money for school, and toughen up, and just get a drastic life experience.
After my hour here is over, I am going go go buy myself a nice tuna subway and practice not being anxious, though I will tell you guys that ordering my sandwich at Subway is the worst thing in the world for me, I always make the servers so uncomfortable with my anxiety. I hope you guys have stories that will cheer me up- tell me if you have any experiences like this at the stores or restaurants. PLEASE it's the only thing that makes me feel better.[/i]
I went to Express and got some pants, and then I was looking at a shirt, and some lady came and asked me if I needed help, and she seemed a tad aggressive, so I didn't like that because it makes me feel like she thinks I'm going to steal something, maybe cause I'm dressed down. Then I go to the cashier and pay for my stuff, and I'm thinking I'm doing OK and don't look to anxious, but then the cashier curls in her lips, and I think it's to cover some anxiety I might be projecting on to her, but man, anyway, I try my best to smile after I'm done paying with credit card.
Then I go to Macy's and buy a sweater and my anxiety was really bad there, I always feel like people are staring at me and judging me and they probably think I look like a slob, then when I went to the fitting rooms, I felt very uncomfortable while the lady was checking how many items I was bringing in, and then after trying the clothes and coming out of the fitting stall, I go to her and give her what I dont' want, and she has like a frown on her face, even though I tried to smile, and told myself I would look normal and cheerful- when I give her my clothes- so that confused me. Then when I was standing in line to pay for my clothes I was so fricking anxious to hurry up and get out of there, and then the cashiers were looking at me and I was curling my lips to cover the discomfort and then I finally got to the cashier, and she was pretty good at just smiling and not letting my discomfort get to her, and I appreciated and admired that she didn't succumb to my anxiety as others do. I smiled at her as genuinely as I could and left the mall, but on my way to the library, I just kept wishing I didn't have this problem, I did have it at the mall too. I feel that the worst thing I can do is keep trying to hide from society. I think that only makes it worse, and harder to bear the outside world, the next time I go out. I must keep expriencing until I find real problems, and realize how much it matters to keep up an image of normalcy with others, because I need others as alliances to make it through this life.
Anyway, guys I'm thinking about joining the National Guard to get some money for school, and toughen up, and just get a drastic life experience.
After my hour here is over, I am going go go buy myself a nice tuna subway and practice not being anxious, though I will tell you guys that ordering my sandwich at Subway is the worst thing in the world for me, I always make the servers so uncomfortable with my anxiety. I hope you guys have stories that will cheer me up- tell me if you have any experiences like this at the stores or restaurants. PLEASE it's the only thing that makes me feel better.[/i]
