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Old 02-06-2013  
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Default Emotional abuse and mind games

Hi Im having mind games played with me at the moment and its driving me insane.

This is a list of what I want to know whether or not it's emotional abuse/manipulation:

Constant criticism of my beliefs and opinions - telling me I'm wrong ALL the time and forcing other opinions onto me.

Telling me I'm stupid every day.

Starting arguments about nothing - literally things as simple as how much brown sauce I put on food (seriously).

Telling me lies about things that have supposed to have happened in certain towns and cities to scare me from going.

Commenting on my dress sense because I'm expected to dress like an old man from 30 onwards.

Commenting on my shoes - telling me I should not go out in pumps saying I should wear formal sheos (the old man thing again) - trying to make out that NO-ONE wears certain things when half the people do!

Trying to make up things about hygiene - I'm very clean and this is criticised... if I decide say on Sundays to not shower this is criticised... either way whatever I do.

Engineering situations and arguments that they knwo will push my buttons and start arguments from nowhere like they like it.

Telling me I should only go out to ceratin places and throwing tantrums if I go to places that are dispaproved of.

Using guilt trips - like if Ive had money lent to me getting it constantly thrown back in my face.

I get verbal abuse in the street (homophobic) and all kinds of weird things happen because the area is backwards - this is not believed. Apparently I imagine it but I don't. They just black it out and try and make out I'm mad.

Is this emotional manipulation and abuse?
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Old 02-06-2013  
A86
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Default Re: Emotional abuse and mind games

sounds like emotional abuse. Belittleing you and using guilt to get their way. if you feel defensive (may seem like anger) when these occur, its because you are being told to feel bad when nothing is wrong and that causes a confused internal defensive response. so im told.
emotional abuse is bullying.
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Old 02-06-2013  
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sounds like emotional abuse. Belittleing you and using guilt to get their way. if you feel defensive (may seem like anger) when these occur, its because you are being told to feel bad when nothing is wrong and that causes a confused internal defensive response. so im told.
emotional abuse is bullying.
That's good advice and is some relief to realise it's not me making me feel the way I do about this situation if that makes sense.

I'm kind of feel as if I'm being manipulated into feeling and even acting out in a certain kind of way(kind of unconciously forced into it) - that is always twisted around into a sort of situation which makes me look bad and justifies their bad attitudes towards me. Im so frustrated that even when I think Ive realised what they're doing - some new kind of twisted insult and manipulation technique turns up and I only realise what's happened when I've been made to feel like a piece of dirt all over again. It's only very recently Ive faced up to the fact that I knew it was emotional abuse.
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Old 02-06-2013  
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It's only very recently Ive faced up to the fact that I knew it was emotional abuse.

Thats awesome. understanding what is happening is a good move forward as it is usualy near impossible to explain to an emotional manipulator what they are doing because their natural instict is to turn it around and make you feel bad for even trying to suggest such a thing... and they can be very effective at turning it around.
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Old 02-06-2013  
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I hope you don't mind me asking, but is this your parents or your other half? It sounds like someone's got a bug up their *** and knows that you're stuck there. If this person isn't paying the bills, they better be smoking hot. Otherwise the end is coming for you and them and putting it off isn't going to change that.

Sorry if that's really opinionated. I might be wrong. In fact, I'm generally wrong.
Thanks for your reply. I don't mind opinions I need them in fact to make me see what's been going on here. It's my parents - embarassed to say Im in my 30's and back with them again for the last few years - theyre making my life a misery and know they currently have a hold over me with money, recession/jobs etc. They're just messing with my head all the time I know deep down its prob them who are damaged feeling the need to do this to me, its such a strange situation.
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Old 02-06-2013  
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Thats awesome. understanding what is happening is a good move forward as it is usualy near impossible to explain to an emotional manipulator what they are doing because their natural instict is to turn it around and make you feel bad for even trying to suggest such a thing... and they can be very effective at turning it around.
I know, everything's turned around constantly. Ive tried explaining it and challenging them but that's made matters worse. I just got "How can you say that" , "Youre not normal" (which Ive been told several times) "Something happened in the womb when you were concieved" , "Why have I ended up with someone like you".

Writing it and discussing it makes me see how disgusting the treatment has been towards me.
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Old 02-06-2013  
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Default Re: Emotional abuse and mind games

emotional bullying like that eats away your self-esteem which can severely impact ones life. no one needs to be beliitled like that. especialy from their parents.
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Old 02-06-2013  
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emotional bullying like that eats away your self-esteem which can severely impact ones life. no one needs to be beliitled like that. especialy from their parents.
You're right no one needs it - so glad I posted on here. At least it gives me an outlet for people to be rational with me and understand etc.
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Old 02-06-2013  
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I just decided to try and bring up the topic again but got shot down in what I can only desribe as a screaming match of poisonous abuse.

My Mum screamed and shouted at me yet again and me feel worthless all over again. I quoted some of the things she has said and tried to point out her behaviour and she went almost wild. All kinds of insults again and she says she never said things that she did and, as usual, tried to make out that I was making things up saying that she did not say these things and that I have imagined it. It was a horrible session that shouldve just been two adults talking things through in a rational manner.

I feel ashamed to say that I'm actually scared right now because when my Dad comes back she'll tell him a load of nonsense - which I regularly hear her doing when she thinks I'm not around.

I frightened and want to escape the poison and mind games and abuse. All I can do is stay silent but then that'stwisted into something from nothing.

I have no money at the moment so cant walk out but I feel like doing.... I can't cope with this much longer.
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Old 02-06-2013  
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It's like it's her intention to completely destroy me as a person and everything I stand for. It's like she just wants a raw shell left.

I could never have imagined being in such a strange and frightening situation.

I can't call on anyone because I know no-one round here and they've made sure they've convinced family in my native city that I'm going mad and in need of help - but it's the reverse - what am I supposed to do?
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Old 02-06-2013  
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Default Re: Emotional abuse and mind games

I'm very sorry to hear about your predicament, Benny310. It does sound as though your parents are in the wrong, but that's probably cold comfort to you. All I can say is, try to hang on. I'm rooting for you!
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Old 02-06-2013  
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I'm very sorry to hear about your predicament, Benny310. It does sound as though your parents are in the wrong, but that's probably cold comfort to you. All I can say is, try to hang on. I'm rooting for you!

Thank you dmsteyn. It's got to the worst point ever now, but I'll try to hang on.
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Old 02-06-2013  
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It sounds like your mother needs mental help. Might you be able to seek out a therapist (for yourself that is)? I know you mention no money.. do you have health insurance?

Can you get in touch with another family member in secret?

I'm sorry you're in such a terrible situation.
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Old 02-06-2013  
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It sounds like your mother needs mental help. Might you be able to seek out a therapist (for yourself that is)? I know you mention no money.. do you have health insurance?

Can you get in touch with another family member in secret?

I'm sorry you're in such a terrible situation.
All the other family members have been told a complete different version of everything - where I'm mad and can't think straight etc. I'm scared of what would happen if I tried to contact one of them to make them see what was really happening - they wouldn't believe me. I feel theyve done such a good job projecting this false degraded image onto me and I feel like a different person than I was.

Thanks for your message - the support on here is really touching - the main thing is that I've found people on the outside who actually believe me and see what I'm saying.
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Old 02-06-2013  
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All the other family members have been told a complete different version of everything - where I'm mad and can't think straight etc. I'm scared of what would happen if I tried to contact one of them to make them see what was really happening - they wouldn't believe me. I feel theyve done such a good job projecting this false degraded image onto me and I feel like a different person than I was.

Thanks for your message - the support on here is really touching - the main thing is that I've found people on the outside who actually believe me and see what I'm saying.
Are there any family members you were close to and you can trust? I do think it's worth a shot.
Another suggestion is trying to stay out of the house as much as possible because that isn't a healthy environment.

Do you have a car? You're fearful of your father, if you don't mind me asking have they ever been physically abusive?
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Old 02-06-2013  
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You're being manipulated by a passive aggressive (let me add, insecure) control freak. The way this game is played is to have you always off balance. Anything and everything you do is wrong even (AND ESPECIALLY) when you get it right.

Advice:Ignore their opinion. Listen, at your own peril.

I collect mental issues!
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Old 02-07-2013  
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Originally Posted by ImNotMyIllness View Post
You're being manipulated by a passive aggressive (let me add, insecure) control freak. The way this game is played is to have you always off balance. Anything and everything you do is wrong even (AND ESPECIALLY) when you get it right.

Advice:Ignore their opinion. Listen, at your own peril.
Good advice. You explain exactly what's happening - when it's not the wild outbursts to make me feel useless it's the constant little comments chipping and chisseling away at me.
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Old 03-16-2013  
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Hi

Sorry I didn't keep you all updated after your really good support over what I was saying. It's still going on and has just taken a nasty turn for the worse.

It's gone into all of it happening virtually every day. The latest one is making out that I am a bit stupid and criticising everything I do...
Like, saying nonsense things like pretending I can't operate a washing machine, criticising how I put a cup in a cupboard, telling me that I don't know how to fasten my shoe laces properly (the child thing) - findong virtually anything to pick me up on but doing it from the angle of making out that I know absolutely nothing about anything and that Im a bit dumb if that makes sense? Its like theyve attempted to engineer this psychological trap that has ensnared me so that they can turn around and say Look hes mad like we siad; dont know if that makes sense atall?

Like two weeks ago I walk in the door and get what I can only describe as insanity in a verbal sense thrown atme. Then I get all upset and worked up so my mother comes up to the side of me clings to my arm and says Oh I can see how worked up you are you must feel so bad about everything - but its her doing it!

Then yesterday I had my Dad waving ihis hand at me gesturing and saying "You stop talking" "You shut your face right now" "P**** off" - then he jumped off his seat as if to come and try to thump me abut at the last t minute changed his mind. He has done this several times in the past year or so. Its like the most extreme version of when someone makes a bid fro freedom and disturbed people do anything they can to hold them back.
I spent a lot of time in the summer on day trips last year back to my roots in the big smoke type environment and they hated it - its like they couldnt bare to see me going and are now trying to psychologically destroy me over it but theyve been at it like this for 27 weeks now constant and relentless - particularly bad the past month or so.

Sorry to ramble but I had to tell someone.
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Old 03-16-2013  
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Hang in there. I can relate too. This is exactly how I felt several years back. Before i took online courses, I attended on-campus classes and was surrounded by bullies who played mind games on me. Everyday going to class was torture. They always had something negative to say about me to other people. I was ostracized. They criticized every single mistake I made, even though most of them are minor. They referred to me as "stupid girl" even though they knew my name. They made me feel like worthless sh*t. Having emotionally manipulative relatives didn't help either. They made me feel even worse every time I go visit them. For 2 years, I also had terrible neighbors who hated me for whatever reason. Some of them yelled insults at me everyday. And don't get me started on my brother. Let's just say that living with him is like living with the Antichrist. No wonder I was suicidal back then. I feel like I had no support system at all. My parents aren't helping. My mom keeps telling me crazy stuff and my dad is at work. And I barely had any friends.

“PLEASE ALL, AND YOU WILL PLEASE NONE.” ~ Aesop
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Old 03-16-2013  
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Originally Posted by Benny310 View Post
Hi

Sorry I didn't keep you all updated after your really good support over what I was saying. It's still going on and has just taken a nasty turn for the worse.

It's gone into all of it happening virtually every day. The latest one is making out that I am a bit stupid and criticising everything I do...
Like, saying nonsense things like pretending I can't operate a washing machine, criticising how I put a cup in a cupboard, telling me that I don't know how to fasten my shoe laces properly (the child thing) - findong virtually anything to pick me up on but doing it from the angle of making out that I know absolutely nothing about anything and that Im a bit dumb if that makes sense? Its like theyve attempted to engineer this psychological trap that has ensnared me so that they can turn around and say Look hes mad like we siad; dont know if that makes sense atall?

Like two weeks ago I walk in the door and get what I can only describe as insanity in a verbal sense thrown atme. Then I get all upset and worked up so my mother comes up to the side of me clings to my arm and says Oh I can see how worked up you are you must feel so bad about everything - but its her doing it!

Then yesterday I had my Dad waving ihis hand at me gesturing and saying "You stop talking" "You shut your face right now" "P**** off" - then he jumped off his seat as if to come and try to thump me abut at the last t minute changed his mind. He has done this several times in the past year or so. Its like the most extreme version of when someone makes a bid fro freedom and disturbed people do anything they can to hold them back.
I spent a lot of time in the summer on day trips last year back to my roots in the big smoke type environment and they hated it - its like they couldnt bare to see me going and are now trying to psychologically destroy me over it but theyve been at it like this for 27 weeks now constant and relentless - particularly bad the past month or so.

Sorry to ramble but I had to tell someone.
Sorry to hear that you're still going through this. Try not to take any of the criticism to heart. I know that's easier said than done but if you can, let it go in one ear and out the other. Your parents seem to be acting ridiculous. But, you need to understand your moms games and not play them.

Let it roll off your shoulders.

Are you working or going to school?

I collect mental issues!
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