Emotional abuse and mind games

rosewood

Well-known member
Everything you are describing seems to fit within the parameters of domestic violence. If you want to, you can look up the info online:

Domestic Violence - Power and Control Wheel

yes, you are not in a marriage or relationship, but these people seem to be doing the same activities as seen by an abuser. I would access Domestic Violence sites and find out how much what they are doing matches abuser behavior so you can know for yourself. Seeing this info in black and white and recognizing it and being able to Name it is really helpful in getting away. Some things you should know: that kind of behavior creates depression within an individual to the point where they cant think. That makes it hard for the person to leave. Also, i used to be married to a man who does what your dad does: runs at you full tilt like they will hit you and then comes up short. Thiis is called Threat by Intimidation and is absolutely abuse.

I am sorry you are forced to endure this. If you can develop a Safety Plan: ie- have all of your documents in one place, stash money away, get acces to a vehicle, establish a safe location to escape to, and have at least one person who knows what is really happening there nearby, it might help. The enviroment doesnt sound safe.
 

A86

Well-known member
Try not to take any of the criticism to heart. I know that's easier said than done but if you can, let it go in one ear and out the other. Your parents seem to be acting ridiculous. But, you need to understand your moms games and not play them.

Exactly.

NB: This next opinion only holds while your dependant on them...

I think its pointless to show you are not playing the game as it just focuses more of their attention on you & I am sure they would not hesitate to throw living with them back at you to make you feel guilty.

If you can keep yourself internally composed, play the game of fooling them into thinking you are playing their game. Bide your time, and plan the intermediate steps to get yourself into a better position.
 

cowboyup

Well-known member
Hi Im having mind games played with me at the moment and its driving me insane.

This is a list of what I want to know whether or not it's emotional abuse/manipulation:

Constant criticism of my beliefs and opinions - telling me I'm wrong ALL the time and forcing other opinions onto me.

Telling me I'm stupid every day.

Starting arguments about nothing - literally things as simple as how much brown sauce I put on food (seriously).

Telling me lies about things that have supposed to have happened in certain towns and cities to scare me from going.

Commenting on my dress sense because I'm expected to dress like an old man from 30 onwards.

Commenting on my shoes - telling me I should not go out in pumps saying I should wear formal sheos (the old man thing again) - trying to make out that NO-ONE wears certain things when half the people do!

Trying to make up things about hygiene - I'm very clean and this is criticised... if I decide say on Sundays to not shower this is criticised... either way whatever I do.

Engineering situations and arguments that they knwo will push my buttons and start arguments from nowhere like they like it.

Telling me I should only go out to ceratin places and throwing tantrums if I go to places that are dispaproved of.

Using guilt trips - like if Ive had money lent to me getting it constantly thrown back in my face.

I get verbal abuse in the street (homophobic) and all kinds of weird things happen because the area is backwards - this is not believed. Apparently I imagine it but I don't. They just black it out and try and make out I'm mad.

Is this emotional manipulation and abuse?

IMO, it is emotional bullying/abuse.
I am in my 40s and I live with my brother and SIL. I used to work but lost my job when the US economy hit bottom. It was either this, or live on the streets or with my 90 year old grandma and mentally handicap uncle taking care of them.

Regarding my parents/and reading this is your parents doing this to you, I speak from experience and lived through it clear until I was age 34. Most things you say here that your parents say to you, have been said to me.
I know it's downright maddening and you feel trapped and there's not much you can do about it. I don't know if you have formal education, but one of my 'outs' was that I started attending college, I also got a job when I lived with my parents. So I was at least fortunate in that aspect to get out of the house every once in awhile to help decompress. I was a very angry person after I moved to another state due to mom dying. But now i feel I am back to square one. But I have to keep pushing myself (though easier said than done when emotionally beaten down a lot of the time).

I wish I had some 'wise advice' here but just try to hang in there. The advice of others who have posted sounds good and if you need to vent, PM me.

and so it goes..
 

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
these people are horrible to you and want you to leave but not until they cripple you so much, or die trying. Plz get away from them. You seem like a very strong person though. I have also been w/ someone who tried to break me for yrs so I can relate.
 

Benny310

Member
Thanks for your advice and support again. It's still the same - it's been a few days of calm at the moment but I know that this will be followed by more nonsense again which I'm not looking forward to; because I've worked out the pattern of it now.

I'll keep you updated about what happens.
 

BlueWeepingRose

Well-known member
I've had someone have power over me before, it's probably going to take a long time for me to be able to trust anyone again after what has happened to me.
 
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