Emotionally messed up!

I just can't tell my emotions. And when I do, I feel worse. And when I don't, I feel like exploding.

I just can't have a normal friendship with someone. I need years to completely trust someone and saying what I want to say face 2 face is hard.

So I rely on text messages, but that's worse. Because that's just text supposing that you express yourself. But it just gets more and more wrong.

It's like if I express myself deep down... I feel a hell lot vulnerable, and if someone doesn't respond the way I suppose he'll react, I feel as if a knife has cut me.

So I normally say to myself "Who needs friends, I can survive alone, be independent, don't have to worry about the need about the other person." But then, I feel so lonely that I need to talk to someone.

But I've have a conversation with someone about I need to share my life, be more open and that person said that yes, you need to, because you can't be that boring person that nobody wants to copy.

That hurted me! I mean, am I really that boring?

And then I text messaged the person to say If I'm boring,
she said yes, I asked why? then that person said because she hates when I ask stupid questions like that.

Maybe I was wrong to ask that, maybe my self-confidence is SO low that I need the acknowledgment of other people in order to feel good about myself.

And I know is I don't know if the friendship with that person will ever be the same and that...
Sometimes, I feel as if I have the control of my destiny... that only lasts for a few hours before I go to sleep.

Then, I feel like shit, my emotions are messed up. I just don't @#$ know how to function in this life...

I've purchased a book called "The road less traveled" I just hope that what's in there makes sense.

But I don't know why for me, telling my emotions, telling how I feel is just so HARD. It's like if I prefer the friendship to be superficial.
Like "How are you, how was your day? What did you do? ah ok, Bye"

I just CAN'T let people in my world, in my life. I only HAVE ONE person, a best friend for whom I consider like a brother and that I can tell him anything.

Sorry if this appeared long...

What to write... I feel like I can absolutely relate. For me, I guess, it's hard to express my emotions because I do not understand them too good myself. It's hard to tell what you feel and what you want when you don't really now. And it's hard to let somebody in your world when you are still lost in it.


AND I guess you are overvalueing. Of course I have no right to critisize because I do that myself all the time.... but I think you worry a little bit too much about that you-are-boring text message. Know why? Because you never know how did the person mean it, if you only communicated throught text messages. You don't get to see the person's face, don't hear his voice, aren't able to ask questions. There can be a lot of misunderstandments when texting. But again, I do this stupid worrying all the time.

So. The only way out is through ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ts9-yrDs3M ). We probably have to hold on and learn, step by step, to build relationships (with other people AND with ourselves). Even if it's frustrating, confusing, anything. We have to sort out our emotions. That's the big deal.

So what. Let's keep tryin. G'night

I only HAVE ONE person, a best friend for whom I consider like a brother and that I can tell him anything.

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That's what you call "only"? I would be most thankful for such a friend. Believe me, most people do not have close friends like this. So don't despair, Nope1. Send you love,
Sue.

Tryin said:

That's what you call "only"? I would be most thankful for such a friend. Believe me, most people do not have close friends like this. So don't despair, Nope1. Send you love,
Sue.

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It's true that I have to be grateful for that and I'm .

It's just that you can't be stuck with just one person, everyone has to live their life, I only see him time to time but believe me, I'm extremely grateful that I have a best friend like him. His mother used to tell my mother that we were twins

But now, everybody is going in their own way... Work, college... I can't find myself. I don't know what I want.
Maybe you're right, I don't know what I want, that's why I'm like this. I've read in a book that you just have to let go... go into an adventure and just... wait till the happiness comes by itself... it's hard to let go tho. It's like if I let go, I'll lose control of myself...

But I guess that's another discussion...

i just want you to remember that you can't be yourself, you can't let go, you always have this barrier infront of you that is stopping you from being you, so instead you act unaturally and THAT is what's making you seem like your boring. deep down you are NOT a boring person, it's your social phobia that is making you appear "boring" because it is stopping you from being yourself. so please don't take what that girl said to heart.

MariahCarey said:

i just want you to remember that you can't be yourself, you can't let go, you always have this barrier infront of you that is stopping you from being you, so instead you act unaturally and THAT is what's making you seem like your boring. deep down you are NOT a boring person, it's your social phobia that is making you appear "boring" because it is stopping you from being yourself. so please don't take what that girl said to heart.

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It feels great to write on this forum.

Well, I guess what you wrote is true. I can only be myself with CERTAIN people, hence my best friend. That's why when I asked him if If I'm boring, he told me no, he doesn't see me that way since I make jokes, do some conversation and I'm a funny guy. He told me even his girlfriend saw me as a cool guy.

The thing is that with him, it comes normally, I don't even have to think about what we're going to say because it just comes...

But with other people, like this friend who told me I was boring, It's like I want to force myself to show them the REAL me... but the more I do that... the more I feel I'm not myself. I don't know...

It's true, I feel as if I have a barrier and it's driving me crazy. In a trip to Morocco to visit my family, I tried to be outgoing *The culture there is EXTREMELY outgoing*. But the more I did this, the more I felt as if I needed to take a break in a quiet place but... there wasn't such a place...
So I burned out...
I know it's another story but...

yeah, it's true that I feel as I have a barrier... Sometimes, I can imagine this CONFIDENT person thru life... living it in a confident way... but... when I try to do that, there's always something in me...

I DEFINATELY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN!
My self-confidence is that low.
I ask my mother when i am feeling particularly insecure if she believes that i am boring, lame, annoying or anything of the sort. Of course, by asking such a question i know i come across as all three of those, however i do not care when the ask it because i need reassurance at that time.
I am not comfortable enough with my very few friends to this day to ask them such a question, however if i was i would confide in them more than my mother. Obviously. I mean, only two people that i am friends with currently know i have social anxiety, and why did i tell them? Because i wanted to see their reaction, i wanted to see if they cared enough to sympathize or to never speak to me again [of course i would rather have the sympathizing, but the second option shows that they care all the same]. And of course, it just proved me right that they don't give a shit enough about me to care. At least the first person i told asked me what it was, i mentioned it to the second one and i didn't even get a 'What is that?'
But anyways, enough about myself already o__0
MariahCarey is correct. That is what a socially-anxious person needs to cure themselves, the belief that they are a good person the way they are.
Some begin to believe this and become confident again. Others never do.

Just wanted to add in......

I know how your are feeling, and it is not fun at all. At least you have ONE friend that you may be able to confide in. Someone you can bounce of ideas, etc. You don't have to open completely up, you can (if you want) start in small steps. Like I said before, at least you have someone one to talk to!

Thanks for the replies

Just a question... do you think that writing a letter to someone to let them know that they they actually hurt us and to talk about our emotions is a good idea? Or it will only accentuate the emotions?

nope1 said:

Thanks for the replies

Just a question... do you think that writing a letter to someone to let them know that they they actually hurt us and to talk about our emotions is a good idea? Or it will only accentuate the emotions?

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Not sure... Communication through letters and stuff is surely easier then actual talking but it can also make things more complicated. Expressing emotions is necessary when building a relationship (and relationship-building, though complicated, really IS necessary - sigh ). But sometimes it's hard to do it in a non-destructive way. It's even harder when writing, beacause there are less barriers and your emotions can get outta control more easily. Talk (write) ABOUT the emotion, don't let the emotion CONTROLL you and actually speak for itself. Think about what you want to express nd why. You want to let somebody know that you feel hurt? You want to make them change their behaviour? Or you want to hurt them back?

nope1 said:

Thanks for the replies

Just a question... do you think that writing a letter to someone to let them know that they they actually hurt us and to talk about our emotions is a good idea? Or it will only accentuate the emotions?

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I've found that people aren't particularly caring when it comes to others and their emotions. I say this because the last two years I've noticed myself becoming more sensitive in ways I don't really like, and the thing is that nobody really wants to hear about it. Sometimes people will even revel in what you've told them, feeling a kind of secretive glee in that they've found a weak spot. Not only that, but oftentimes people are quite petty and will actually use what you've said against you. I know it sounds cynical, but self-defense is important. I would keep this to yourself.