Emotionally Underdeveloped - All or nothing

I've never been in a relationship. I find people attractive who I connect with and who have a strength of character. I've only ever fancied 3 people (im 23) when I like someone I like them for a long period of time, not flippantly like most people seem to be, I like them for a year or so I truely admire there character etc. Unfortunately the first guy turned out to be gay, the second guy liked me back aswell but told me he had a girlfriend and the 3rd guy was twice my age and I did'nt like the age gap.

The times when I meet someone I like are amazing and my life seems magical with them around. Im just abit concerned that in all these times of meeting someone I was either at college or university, life the wa sdiffernt my life felt full and I was happy and had a social group. My friends have always had partners but when I left uni 3 years ago now all my friends have moved in with partners and dont seem to need their me anymore. Ive not fancied anyone in 3 years, not had a chance to meet people really as I have no one to socialise with. I joined clubs etc but I feel detached and not really part of anything, because of this im not really my happy self as I was and I know this is adding to why Im not finding anyone.

I feel very lonely in my situation, even everyone at my work is married or partnered up,and I dont want to attract the wrong person, I want to attract someone whos on my level.

Im just abit worried i wont beable to get my spirit/natural personality back and attract the people I used to. I know that only liking people every blue moon is also limiting my chances of ever being with someone.

If anyone has had a similiar experience and things have worked out for you please can you post me Im needing some reassurrance. Many Thanks

I think that's me, emotionally undeveloped

I guese I want to gain some clear insight, rather than my limited knowledge.
I always like guys quite abit older than me, I see myself mature just not very experienced with relationship, I am fairy bright and have lots of interests, my interests are about 20 years behind what they should be. I'm just wondering whether its my naviety which puts off mature guys. I want someone to respect me, I would'nt want someone to see me as easy to manipulate.

People are difficult to judge when you have'nt experience stuff.

you know, i wonder if there is a correlation between the gender differences and age groups for male and female relationships. (all of this is sort of based on pure observation). From what i've noticed (at least where i live), a lot of younger women will appreciate the maturity of an older man, but older men tend to seek out younger women that act like older women. maybe older men like the idea of feeling younger again by having a younger partner, but also want someone that will be responsible and reliable. it may have something to do with insecurity perhaps? and younger woman has more time to find a romantic partner and may change her mind about him down the road, meanwhile, he is in or nearing midlife and not as reluctant to make changes like that. of course, this is just a theory, and it doesn't apply to every older male, or younger female. to each his/her own.
the best advice is to keep searching, and allow yourself to grow/mature at the pace that feels comfortable for you.

That doesn't sound like emotional under-development. It sounds like emotional detachment... Which is exactly what I have.

Flowers-Of-Bloom said:

That doesn't sound like emotional under-development. It sounds like emotional detachment... Which is exactly what I have.

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Hiya I'm interested why you feel it sounds more like emotional detachment?
Thanks

In relation to my original post does anyone have any advice?

Whatever you do, don't try to control anything, not yourself, not anyone, ANYTHING. Acclimate yourself to your surroundings, look at it and look deep inside yourself to find what you really feel about it.

You don't absolutely need anyone right now, although it doesn't mean that you don't want anything to do with anyone.

Your inner state is most likely a lot more complicated that you could anticipate, be sure to make a difference between what you want to do, and what you think you want to have. Personally I'm finding a lot of dissociation between the two, and I think it may be at the heart of the real problem.

Why do you think you're emotionally undeveloped? To me it seems it's rather the opposite, maybe exactly that's why you find it harder to find someone. You may be a bit emotionally detached as well as Flowers of Bloom said, but I don't know you, I can only judge from the post .