Len
Well-known member
For the last few years, just before going to sleep at night, I have these thoughts that I cannot believe my life is real. I think about my family and my girlfriend and it just seems like I am imagining them all; that they only exist in my mind.
It is difficult to explain...On the other hand, I also get these sudden fears that things are so very real and 3 dimensional, that I am sitting back viewing it all with my eyes but it seems like a movie.
I was out having dinner last night and I got this strange sensation that everything was completely ridiculous. We were eating this meal in a posh restaurant, people were laughing and shouting, food was being eaten and I paralleled it to a Victorian period drama where all the aristocracy were sitting round and being pompous and laughing at crap jokes, thinking how high and mighty, and civilised, they all were.
Blood was rushing to my head and it began to feel really heavy like I was going to collapse onto the table. It was like a panic attack but, for a change, I was not scared of it. It was as if the reality of the situation was too much for me and I wanted to get out of there and back to some degree of normalcy.
I know what people are going to say..dissociative personality, panic attack, blah blah. But how can things be real. How was this world created. If you start out with nothing just black space, before the universe was born, how does this create something like me. I am like a speck of dust in the cosmos, trying to make sense of my reality.
I think this may where my anxiety stems from. I am overly-sensitized to reality; things become too real that my mind cannot handle it or make sense of it. So it sends chemicals to my body and my brain saying danger, danger, danger. I need to escape but where to? Escape from reality that's where.
Just one more thing. I am not scared of death. Well, what I mean is that I AM scared of death, but I also welcome it. Like it would be an end to this strange, torturous life. My anxiety then seems ridiculous. How can I be scared of social situations or driving a car if I am not scared of death. It is like these things are worse than death because I MUST experience them as they are real. The fear and the reality are worse than the death.
Anyone else have existential thoughts?
It is difficult to explain...On the other hand, I also get these sudden fears that things are so very real and 3 dimensional, that I am sitting back viewing it all with my eyes but it seems like a movie.
I was out having dinner last night and I got this strange sensation that everything was completely ridiculous. We were eating this meal in a posh restaurant, people were laughing and shouting, food was being eaten and I paralleled it to a Victorian period drama where all the aristocracy were sitting round and being pompous and laughing at crap jokes, thinking how high and mighty, and civilised, they all were.
Blood was rushing to my head and it began to feel really heavy like I was going to collapse onto the table. It was like a panic attack but, for a change, I was not scared of it. It was as if the reality of the situation was too much for me and I wanted to get out of there and back to some degree of normalcy.
I know what people are going to say..dissociative personality, panic attack, blah blah. But how can things be real. How was this world created. If you start out with nothing just black space, before the universe was born, how does this create something like me. I am like a speck of dust in the cosmos, trying to make sense of my reality.
I think this may where my anxiety stems from. I am overly-sensitized to reality; things become too real that my mind cannot handle it or make sense of it. So it sends chemicals to my body and my brain saying danger, danger, danger. I need to escape but where to? Escape from reality that's where.
Just one more thing. I am not scared of death. Well, what I mean is that I AM scared of death, but I also welcome it. Like it would be an end to this strange, torturous life. My anxiety then seems ridiculous. How can I be scared of social situations or driving a car if I am not scared of death. It is like these things are worse than death because I MUST experience them as they are real. The fear and the reality are worse than the death.
Anyone else have existential thoughts?