Failure to communicate

bashfulgirl

Active member
Haven't been here in a while, but am depressed again. It seems that every social encounter I have I say stupid things or just look away or down so that noone wants to talk to me. Everyone scares me and when I do attempt to talk, I feel like everything I say is wrong or stupid. I keep thinking practice will help, but I can't see any improvement. Help!!
 

Danfalc

Banned
:( aww im sorry your going through this kinda stage where ya feel everything you do/say is wrong and foolish.. i so know what you mean tho its the exact feeling i have all the time and the reason im so held back in life cos i just put up my walls cos im scared of i dont know.. doing somthing weird or wrong to make a fool out of myself...

I wish i knew some sure way to help you... maybe you could try chatting over the net cos then you can just say sorry i need to go if it gets too much.And after your a little confident with that take another step?Or talk to someone who you trust and is supportive and will help ya cbt therapist maybe or a good friend? because no matter how sure you feel your always doing somthing wrong or muck up each social encounter,it is your sp and esteem holding you back and there just negative thoughts,sometimes we just need someone else to reasure us.

I dont really have any friends.. cant keep a relationship and generaly just have a miserable time because i feel like im just doing somthing wrong constantly even the way i carry myself and my expressions even if that sounds weird.But ive joined the gym recently and while it hasnt really gave me a lod of confidence to deal with people. its helping the depression cos i feel im doing somthing constructive not just being a sad loner at home all the time.Maybe trying somthing to lift your depression like that might help?
 

outside_looking_in

Well-known member
I know just what you mean Bashfulgirl ... though you imply that it passed before, so hopefully you'll come through it again.

In the meantime maybe if you manage a smile before bolting off? That might stop people "not want[ing] to talk to you" and just consider you shy rather than unfriendly. Like everything else, easier said than done ...
 

bashfulgirl

Active member
Thanks for the ideas and encouragement. Danfalc, sorry you feel the same way cause it stinks, but going to the gym will be good for getting rid of depression and meeting people. It seems like the key to alot of this anxiety is taking little steps and viewing it as progress no matter what happens..glad that I've even tried to do something positive whether I sound nervous or not. Thanks for understanding.
 

Jack-B

Well-known member
Sounds like me 5 years ago. I truly wish i could jump into your mind and destroy all your demons for you, but this is something you must do your self.

Depression is what happens to a sp/sa sufferer after endless searching to find the answer, wanting to be better, trying everything getting nowhere. Energy depletion and a general i've had enough of this shit hole syndrome.

Two of the most important things you should think about ALL DAY is written below. My heart is on fire with love for you right now so please remember this is straight from the heart, it made me rise from my suicidal depression after many years of torture and mental confusion and overcome my fear.

1. Anxiety is a state of mind and not our self, it makes us uncontrolled because we identify it as our self and so we take all the blame, we then forget who we are, torture our self and fail to recognize it in our mind when it appears because we get used to it being present. We then identify with being this way all the time and so we hit rock bottom. You know in your heart that you are a good person, anxiety has poisoned your life. Its like you been unknowingly drugged by this deadly poison but have been blaming your self all this time. Its like the ultimate demon which throws you into despair and is so powerful now that it effects your entire day, all the time. Its not you, so please forgive your self of all your past bad experiences. Anxiety is never to be believed, it is a mistaken mind, disbelieve it when you experience it, its not you. Its something that your mind is programmed for you to experience but this can be shattered by firstly identfying it, then disbelieving it. It makes us believe we are afraid and worry what others think, when this will never bring us happiness. There is nothing to fear but the mind of anxiety, disbelieve its power.

2. What others think of you is not a cause of your happiness. Happiness depends upon your mind and how you view the world and other people. Their thoughts will never meet yours. You can only percieve the thoughts of others through the power of your own mind. So let go of what other people think about you, they have never known the real you. What others think is generally out of control, negative, momentary, fleeting, changing, full of suffering and pain also, so theres nothing to hold onto as 'their thoughts' that's not outside of your mind. Let them go.

all day...

Jack
 

Danfalc

Banned
No worries bashfulgirl.. and thanks for saying your sorry im going through the same thing.It is good your still getting out and trying.. you should be posative about that,but i dont know if its the same for you? its like me even tho im going to the gym which yeah is a good thing and better than me sitting at home like normal... i just cant seem to give myself any credit for it or see it as a posative step and gain anything from it?

i know i should be more posative.. and being so negative gets me no where.. and even jack b's advice which i thank you for btw even if it wasnt aimed at me cos it makes sence i just cant seem to crawl off rock bottom and challenge all the negativity cos theres so much.

(anyway sorry if ive ranted and gone a little offtopic on your thread bashfulgirl :oops: i hope you find your way forward with all this)
 
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