SocialPhobiaWorld.com  
     

Home Today's Posts Register Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
 
Go Back   SocialPhobiaWorld.com > Other related Disorders > Avoidant Personality Disorder Forum
 
Search this Thread
Old 07-16-2016
Marc7's Avatar
Expert User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Megaten View Post
I couldnt tell you how to make friends. I dont know/think theres a secret to it. It might just come down to being friendly and knowing how to relate to other people in conversation.

No I dont prefer any age groups. Im just saying that my family has made me feel bad about it, but seeing as how they havent been helpful they can kick rocks. "How did you meet her if you were bad socializing then?" She took the lead. Some will do that. Especially nowadays.
Can you give me tips on making friends then?

Oh, so you don't have preference then? So she approached you then right?
Marc7 is offline  
Old 07-16-2016
Megaten's Avatar
Expert User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc7 View Post
Can you give me tips on making friends then?

Oh, so you don't have preference then? So she approached you then right?
I would say look into that site and see if you can find anything that goes into your interests. I dont really know what to say when it comes to how to talk to people to get them interested. The only thing I do know is acting casual seems to be the best thing. Ive actually lost a long time friend from being too needy/desperate for hanging out.

No I dont. Yes she did. Its not the only time thats happened, but in the past it freaked me out so bad that my brain shut down. And by that I dont mean a "hey let me buy you a drink" type thing. Ive yet to meet a woman thats even close to being direct as men are. I mean like if one starts talking to you when she could literally be doing anything else but talking to you.
Megaten is offline  
Old 07-17-2016
Marc7's Avatar
Expert User
 

Quote:
I would say look into that site and see if you can find anything that goes into your interests. I dont really know what to say when it comes to how to talk to people to get them interested. The only thing I do know is acting casual seems to be the best thing. Ive actually lost a long time friend from being too needy/desperate for hanging out.
I don't know my interests except for listening to music, watching sports, reading blogs and forums, and talking though. Some groups cost money I think, you pay how? I meant to make conversation flowing to make friends.

Quote:
No I dont. Yes she did. Its not the only time thats happened, but in the past it freaked me out so bad that my brain shut down. And by that I dont mean a "hey let me buy you a drink" type thing. Ive yet to meet a woman thats even close to being direct as men are. I mean like if one starts talking to you when she could literally be doing anything else but talking to you.
"Ive yet to meet a woman thats even close to being direct as men are. I mean like if one starts talking to you when she could literally be doing anything else but talking to you." What do you mean by that?
Marc7 is offline  
Old 07-18-2016
Moses199's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc7 View Post
There is a guy at my volunteer place that I feel inferior to because he flirts with girls and get girl's phone numbers (I think at least) and for another reason (I am to scared to say). It also has to do with me not talking to girls in person and he is able to do it easily, plus my possible avpd and the fact that I don't talk to anybody male or female. Knowing the fact that I don't talk to anybody makes me feel even worse. I also feel inferior to certain things people say or do and it affects my everyday life! Does anybody else feel inferior and it affects their everyday life? Also does anybody have advice?
What's his and your race?
How would you rate your looks? some of the good looking guys in here have said girls make first moves on them but can't continue the relationship cos of SA.
Moses199 is offline  
Old 07-18-2016
Marc7's Avatar
Expert User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moses199 View Post
What's his and your race?
How would you rate your looks? some of the good looking guys in here have said girls make first moves on them but can't continue the relationship cos of SA.
His race is black and my race is mixed black. Out of curiosity, why do you ask?

I would rate me like good looking but without the extra weight, pimples, and scars tbh so basically I'm not attractive right now imo. So they tell them no then?
Marc7 is offline  
Old 07-19-2016
Moses199's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc7 View Post
His race is black and my race is mixed black. Out of curiosity, why do you ask?

I would rate me like good looking but without the extra weight, pimples, and scars tbh so basically I'm not attractive right now imo. So they tell them no then?
I ask because after experimenting vigorously with dating i realized girls can be racist if you are black/asian. It's still possible to get them but it takes more skill/confidence than someone who is white. All girls prefer their race but when dating outside their race they have hierarchy of races they prefer. Black and asian guys are the last option in that hierarchy.

All i can suggest you is to keep talking to girls because it will desentize your fear the more you do it. You are in good position as far as race goes because you are light skin black guy. Fair skin women usually prefer the light skin black dudes over the dark skin guys. But dark skin girls prefer dark skin guys since they are same race. I'm not saying it's set in stone but this is a subconsciousness racial-reference they have under the table but if you have good game and confidence it won't matter your race.

I am a dark skin guy (Nilotic African) btw.
Moses199 is offline  
Old 07-19-2016
Moses199's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

That guys is able to get those numbers because he has confidence and probably skill as well. So i'm not saying it's because of his race so much.

Race/looks doesn't matter if you have confidence and skill. However, it will if you don't have confidence and skills.
Moses199 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Moses199 For This Useful Post:
Jungle (07-19-2016)
Old 07-19-2016
Marc7's Avatar
Expert User
 

Quote:
I ask because after experimenting vigorously with dating i realized girls can be racist if you are black/asian. It's still possible to get them but it takes more skill/confidence than someone who is white. All girls prefer their race but when dating outside their race they have hierarchy of races they prefer. Black and asian guys are the last option in that hierarchy.
Why is it more easier for a white guy as opposed to a black or asian guy? I don't think all girls have a hierarchy and prefer their own race, wait what race of girls are you alluding too? Why are they last on the hierarchy?

Quote:
All i can suggest you is to keep talking to girls because it will desentize your fear the more you do it. You are in good position as far as race goes because you are light skin black guy. Fair skin women usually prefer the light skin black dudes over the dark skin guys. But dark skin girls prefer dark skin guys since they are same race. I'm not saying it's set in stone but this is a subconsciousness racial-reference they have under the table but if you have good game and confidence it won't matter your race.
Well that is the problem I don't talk to girls in person. How do you know I am light skin black guy? I am light skin but I consider myself mixed black because I look mixed due to my family members down the line. Fair skin means white or anyone light of any race? Oh.

Well that is the problem I don't talk to girls in person. How do you know I am light skin black guy? I am light skin but I consider myself mixed black because I look mixed due to my family members down the line. Fair skin means white or anyone light of any race? Oh.


Quote:
I am a dark skin guy (Nilotic African) btw
.

What is Nilotic African?

Quote:
That guys is able to get those numbers because he has confidence and probably skill as well. So i'm not saying it's because of his race so much.

Race/looks doesn't matter if you have confidence and skill. However, it will if you don't have confidence and skills.
Why would my looks and race matter if I don't have confidence or skills? Btw if I seem ignorant it is because I don't really get out and don't follow the news that much so that why I might come off as ignorant and I'm asking a lot of questions.
Marc7 is offline  
Old 07-19-2016
Moses199's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc7 View Post
Why is it more easier for a white guy as opposed to a black or asian guy? I don't think all girls have a hierarchy and prefer their own race, wait what race of girls are you alluding too? Why are they last on the hierarchy?
I never said ALL fair skin girls, just saying majority of them. I'm talking about white/latin/asian girls. I've experience this and there is countless statistical research done in dating that you can find online. Even OKcupid the dating website did internal research on their users and found race played huge role
Here - Race and Attraction, 2009 2014 « OkTrends


Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc7 View Post
Well that is the problem I don't talk to girls in person. How do you know I am light skin black guy? I am light skin but I consider myself mixed black because I look mixed due to my family members down the line. Fair skin means white or anyone light of any race? Oh.
That's what light skin black means. people who look like John Legend, Rihanna, J cole, etc.
Moses199 is offline  
Old 07-21-2016
Megaten's Avatar
Expert User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc7 View Post
I don't know my interests except for listening to music, watching sports, reading blogs and forums, and talking though. Some groups cost money I think, you pay how? I meant to make conversation flowing to make friends.



"Ive yet to meet a woman thats even close to being direct as men are. I mean like if one starts talking to you when she could literally be doing anything else but talking to you." What do you mean by that?
Ive not seen any groups that cost money. The only money I spent was just from hanging out. Like when I was with the Japanese language group we frequently had coffee at the cafe. Maybe if you joined some organization that you ran into through those groups, but no I dont see any fees involved. You like sports? Well youre in luck because thats like 90% of males on this planet. Try liking comics and orchestral music like me and see how hard it is to relate to people lol.

Well I mean, if you pay attention you can tell if a person is talking to you because they have to, want to, or are just bored. If youre standing in line waiting and someone starts a conversation, then the person is probably bored. If they're working a cash register or serving you drinks/food, they have to talk with you. If youre doing something like I dunno, volunteer work and someone starts talking with you and there's dozens of other people they could be speaking with besides you, then they probably want to just talk with you specifically. Whether its just friendly or attraction is anyones guess.
Megaten is offline  
Old 07-21-2016
Megaten's Avatar
Expert User
 

I thought I should add that dont forget that everyone experiences anxiety to different extremes. So I dont want you to set a bar too high because of something I said and get discouraged. I get anxious in mixed company but for the most part I can fake normality pretty good unless someone puts me on the spot and draws too much attention my way. Ive left some groups that wanted people to make introductions of themselves in front of a group. Id rather slowly assimilate myself not get tossed into the deep end of the social swimming pool.
Megaten is offline  
Old 07-21-2016
Sacrament's Avatar
Elite User
 

You feel inferior because you compare yourself to others. If you're able to break that pattern of constant comparison, you're more free to accept yourself for who you are, and then start working on yourself better. You're always gonna feel inferior if you compare yourself to others, because if you have low self-esteem, everyone is doing better than you are.
Sacrament is offline  
Old 08-11-2016
Marc7's Avatar
Expert User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moses199 View Post
I never said ALL fair skin girls, just saying majority of them. I'm talking about white/latin/asian girls. I've experience this and there is countless statistical research done in dating that you can find online. Even OKcupid the dating website did internal research on their users and found race played huge role
Here - Race and Attraction, 2009 2014 « OkTrends
What is fair skin mean?How do you know a majority of them are like that?
I looked at OKcupid and your right but does it matter in irl too?

Quote:
That's what light skin black means. people who look like John Legend, Rihanna, J cole, etc.
If you see me I looked mixed though.

Sorry I never got a answer but what is Nilotic African? And why is it easier for a white guy as opposed to an Asian and Black guy?

Sorry for the late reply.
Marc7 is offline  
Old 08-11-2016
Marc7's Avatar
Expert User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Megaten View Post
Ive not seen any groups that cost money. The only money I spent was just from hanging out. Like when I was with the Japanese language group we frequently had coffee at the cafe. Maybe if you joined some organization that you ran into through those groups, but no I dont see any fees involved. You like sports? Well youre in luck because thats like 90% of males on this planet. Try liking comics and orchestral music like me and see how hard it is to relate to people lol.
I seen groups where you have to pay. Yes I like sports but I am falling behind in them tbh. But I don't how to keep a conversation flowing.

Quote:
Well I mean, if you pay attention you can tell if a person is talking to you because they have to, want to, or are just bored. If youre standing in line waiting and someone starts a conversation, then the person is probably bored. If they're working a cash register or serving you drinks/food, they have to talk with you. If youre doing something like I dunno, volunteer work and someone starts talking with you and there's dozens of other people they could be speaking with besides you, then they probably want to just talk with you specifically. Whether its just friendly or attraction is anyones guess.
This is alluding to you have "yet to seen a girl that direct"?

Quote:
I thought I should add that dont forget that everyone experiences anxiety to different extremes. So I dont want you to set a bar too high because of something I said and get discouraged. I get anxious in mixed company but for the most part I can fake normality pretty good unless someone puts me on the spot and draws too much attention my way. Ive left some groups that wanted people to make introductions of themselves in front of a group. Id rather slowly assimilate myself not get tossed into the deep end of the social swimming pool.
I'm not setting the bar high.

Sorry for the late late reply.
Marc7 is offline  
Old 08-11-2016
Marc7's Avatar
Expert User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sacrament View Post
You feel inferior because you compare yourself to others. If you're able to break that pattern of constant comparison, you're more free to accept yourself for who you are, and then start working on yourself better. You're always gonna feel inferior if you compare yourself to others, because if you have low self-esteem, everyone is doing better than you are.
It could be that but it could also be my possible avpd? What do you mean "everyone is doing better than you are"?

Sorry for the late late reply.
Marc7 is offline  
Old 08-12-2016
Moses199's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc7 View Post
What is fair skin mean?How do you know a majority of them are like that?
I looked at OKcupid and your right but does it matter in irl too?



If you see me I looked mixed though.

Sorry I never got a answer but what is Nilotic African? And why is it easier for a white guy as opposed to an Asian and Black guy?

Sorry for the late reply.
Are you seriously gonna ask me "How do you know a majority of them are like that?" that after i showed you Okcupid statistics? lol.

irl, what is that?

Nilotic africans are Africans who live around nile valleys.
Moses199 is offline  
Old 08-12-2016
Megaten's Avatar
Expert User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc7 View Post
This is alluding to you have "yet to seen a girl that direct?
Yes sir thats exactly what I mean. Then again it could just be that Im not that attractive and I dont mean physically but I mean my personality. But I assume that very few guys, other than celebrities, get readily pursued by women.
Megaten is offline  
Old 08-21-2016
Marc7's Avatar
Expert User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moses199 View Post
Are you seriously gonna ask me "How do you know a majority of them are like that?" that after i showed you Okcupid statistics? lol.

irl, what is that?

Nilotic africans are Africans who live around nile valleys.
Is there other sites that prove that majority of them are like that? Were there studies of that that fair skin girls are like that in real life? If there is than I am wrong as I am ignorant as I said.

Sorry but I didn't get a answer to the question of what is fair skin as I'm interested in knowing.

Irl means in real life.

What country are you from? If you don't mind me asking.
Marc7 is offline  
Old 08-21-2016
Marc7's Avatar
Expert User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Megaten View Post
Yes sir thats exactly what I mean. Then again it could just be that Im not that attractive and I dont mean physically but I mean my personality. But I assume that very few guys, other than celebrities, get readily pursued by women.
So you have seen a girl that is direct or no?
Marc7 is offline  
Old 08-21-2016
Megaten's Avatar
Expert User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc7 View Post
So you have seen a girl that is direct or no?
No


_______
Megaten is offline  
Post Reply
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar Threads to Feeling inferior
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Do you feel inferior? CosmicNeurotica Social Anxiety Forum 53 02-08-2012 06:22 PM



Mobile Version
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.2
All times are GMT. The time now is 04:00 PM.