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Old 01-28-2008  
The_9th_passenger's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Two friends of mine are going to get married and just invited me to their marriage. She invited me and my friends last saturday night to party so that we would meet her friends from her work. I usually don't have probems talking to girls although most of them find me shy all the same 8O but i thing they probably mean "insecure" when they say "shy".
Anyway, that saturday i felt completely like crying. I felt so ridiculous and insecure in front of those girls! I left the party very soon because i felt so bad with myself, and i've been thinking about it all the weekend.
Girls don't like guys like me. Tha'ts why i'm 36 and still single :cry: and probably i'm not attractive at all... not even in the inside! Cause my "inside" is crap for girls, i mean they don't like someone like me at all.
I've been already to 3 psichologists and still have the same problem wich is not just SP but low self steem and fear of others (just like a post-trauma syndrome) and a lack of ability to connect to others (like Asperger or something).
I'm 36 and never dated, never had a girlfriend...
I'm in despair cause all of my friends around my age are married... and i don't seem to be able to attract ANY girl (unless she is in despair too, which i don't like either).
I try my best to look well and be well dressed and all that, but seems like the more i try the worst results go.
I don't like at all thinking love depends on a stupid game/method like that called "mystery". It makes me puke.
I ask you to tell me: do you think the only way to get a girl is using that kind of methods or what? Is it not possible for a person like me to find love? Should i accept it and live a lonely life?
I'm already 36 and already sooooo sad about all those lonely years!! When i come to think that loneliness might last for all my life... what to say... i'm thinking in stopping my life cause i can't stand it no more.
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Old 01-28-2008  
ChatMauve's Avatar
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Put the odds on your side, hang in place where there are women. Try going to a gym and exercise, even if you don't meet any girls there it's a good habit and it help some people to feel better about themselves. I'll also tell you what my mother alway says: "Look at the yourself in the mirror, smile and say "I'm beautiful today" and "I love myself" " :wink:

Don't give up, people finding their soul mates late in life happens all the time, and you are not even in your '40 yet !
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Old 01-28-2008  
spectator's Avatar
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I don't have any advice to offer, but just if it makes you feel better, I'm pretty much the younger version of you, fated to go down the same path.
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Old 01-29-2008  
InDeepshit's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

You are definitely too harsh on yourself... like most of us- so i can understand how putting yourself in that situation wouldn't help. It's not alright how we undervalue ourselves so much that we end up being embarrassed to be around other socially functional people.

And no way should you accept a lonely life.. your focusing on the game in finding love and that will definitely put you off if you don't believe you have anything to give.. so work on valuing yourself first, do something fun everyday and stick to everyone who makes you feel good. Be more aware of your thinking but stop those bad thoughts...

i don't want to sound like a preacher i hope i don't. you probably had enough of that after seeing three psychologists.. i guess i have a mild sense of urgency in finding someone myself so i can relate to you.
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Old 02-01-2008  
SocialRetahd's Avatar
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If you are over 20 and still a virgin than you probably aren't physically attractive. You suffer from the same thing I do, which is genetic inferiority. I can't imagine going as long as you have without blowing my brains out.
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Old 02-01-2008  
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I'm a 31-year-old male and never had a girlfriend or partner either, but then I'm not that interested in a partner. I don't know why. The only reason why I'd seek a partner is that I don't want to be lonely when old. And maybe also because other people find me a weirdo because I'm single, lol.
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Old 02-02-2008  
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Argamemnon
I'm a 31-year-old male and never had a girlfriend or partner either, but then I'm not that interested in a partner. I don't know why. The only reason why I'd seek a partner is that I don't want to be lonely when old. And maybe also because other people find me a weirdo because I'm single, lol.
you should get a dog
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Old 02-02-2008  
alter_ego's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

The fact is, no one can love you until you learn to love yourself.

Ever listened to the Whitney Houston song "The Greatest Love of All?"

I might sound like I have it all sussed but I've never been on a proper date with a guy either, just sometimes for a drink with a friend of my brother when I was younger and more recently for a handful of kind of double dates with my sister, brother-in-law and his mate.

I think the troube is, most of us were painfully shy when we were teenagers and that's when you start to gain confidence with the opposite sex. And then when you get older and maybe more confident (as I am now) the majority of people of your own age are already in relationships so there's less chance of meeting anyone.

But, hey, that saying I quoted above is very true!
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Old 02-02-2008  
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Argamemnon
I'm a 31-year-old male and never had a girlfriend or partner either, but then I'm not that interested in a partner. I don't know why. The only reason why I'd seek a partner is that I don't want to be lonely when old. And maybe also because other people find me a weirdo because I'm single, lol.
i don't think you're a weirdo cause you aren't that interested in having a partner. I have a friend who's in his 40's, never had a serious girlfriend, and has no interest in it still. He just likes his quiet life, doing things his own way..with noone to answer to. I don't think 'couplehood' is for everyone :wink:
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Old 02-03-2008  
obsessive's Avatar
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have you tried online dating sites or even chatting to the opposite sex in chat rooms ? I met my partner on a chatroom and i was shy and he was worse and it was the best thing that happened to us. Your shyness seems to be stopping you from doing a lot of things. Some girls like sweet shy guys but its hard to communicate with someone who is very shy and thats whats probably putting them off. What if you try doing a course in public speaking or taking a course in something, that way theres a chance of so******ing and maybe losing some of that shyness. Goodluck!
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Old 02-04-2008  
Argamemnon's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kyle
you should get a dog
I don't really like dogs. I love reading books. I feel awesome when I learn new things. I also like to workout (strength training). It works much better than anti-depressants did in the past. Anyway, I think we all have things that make us happy, and if we don't we have to search for it 8)
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Old 02-04-2008  
Argamemnon's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maggie
i don't think you're a weirdo cause you aren't that interested in having a partner. I have a friend who's in his 40's, never had a serious girlfriend, and has no interest in it still. He just likes his quiet life, doing things his own way..with noone to answer to. I don't think 'couplehood' is for everyone :wink:
Thank you maggie. That's interesting to hear, because I feel the same. Maybe you are right, but since I'm religious (not really practising though) being single all my life is not really the right choice. Maybe I'll eventually marry. But I also think that you can feel lonely even if you are married. I know for certain that I wouldn't become much happier if I married.
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Old 02-04-2008  
Argamemnon's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by obsessive
have you tried online dating sites or even chatting to the opposite sex in chat rooms ?
I haven't, you will have to meet people in your area, isn't that hard???

Quote:
Your shyness seems to be stopping you from doing a lot of things.
Do we know each other, lol. (just kidding)

Quote:
Some girls like sweet shy guys but its hard to communicate with someone who is very shy and thats whats probably putting them off. What if you try doing a course in public speaking or taking a course in something, that way theres a chance of so******ing and maybe losing some of that shyness. Goodluck!
Currently I do voluntary work, but I'm constantly thinking about what jobs would suit me best. Especially at work I can't stand people, because I feel extremely stressed. Not that much when meeting people, shopping etc. (I'm also anxious in those situations but less).
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