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Old 07-06-2006
Mary's Avatar
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Do any of you get this way? Like when you are walking across a room full of people, do you feel like they all look at you and think you look wierd? Like your Sp is showing? Like they are thinking, "what is wrong w/that girl/guy? They look wierd.
I get that way still and it bother's me. I don't know if I am imagining the funny looks, or they are real. :oops:
Also any suggestion's for getting past this?
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Old 07-06-2006
r0ck0ut04's Avatar
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I feel like that all the time no matter where I go. I think alot of it is my mind playin tricks on me. One thing I noticed is if you except yourself for who you are and how you look other peoples opinions dont matter much anymore cause your happy with yourself regardless.
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Old 07-06-2006
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I use to be really bad with that when I was younger.I would think everyone was looking at me.Like I was some kind of freak but you know what most people are to wrap up in there own life and problems to notice some stranger.So unless you doing something or wear something that is really different then people wont even notice you.

Just remember when you get those feeling that it's the sp that is talking and that you don't look weird and no one giving you funny looks.Of course that easier said then done and I still think that sometime that people are looking at me but with practice it will get better.
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Old 07-07-2006
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Yes but I think it's because I *DO* look outside the "norm" of people. And been pretty much criticized for everything including how I walk and breathe...
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Old 07-07-2006
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@turtlegirl

There is no "norm". We are all different and unique after all, every one of us.

I used to feel this way too - and still do from time to time. But here's the thing; it's all in your head. Nobody can read minds - people who are around you could be having any one of an infinite possibility of different thoughts and there is no way in the world you, or I or any one can tell what someone else is thinking.

The "feelings" you get are the result of the voices in your head. The voices in your head are the result of your own unique social conditioning. We all have voices/thoughts running through our heads - it just happens that your voices are telling you, (and other socially anxious people) often and strongly, that there is something wrong with you, that you are a 'freak' or 'weird'.

The trick is to practice 'hearing' these voices but not reacting to them.

For more on this (I believe the only realistic solution to SA and most human suffering) get this book;

"There IS Nothing Wrong With You".....

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/097...265725?ie=UTF8
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Old 07-08-2006
 

i've had that exact same problem for 15 yrs since 1991. i feel all nervous not only walking by a bunch of ppl but also walking by cars coming in my direction, getting on a bus, walking by ppl in a grocery store or restaurant, etc. it's made my life a living nightmare for the longest time
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Old 07-08-2006
IceLad's Avatar
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When I'm out and see myself in the mirror, more often than not, I think I look weird.
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Old 07-08-2006
patience's Avatar
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Mary I can relate to you & I have come up with something that is helping me.
I dont know if this is exactly the same as you have but here goes
For a long time I have been trying to figure out why I felt different than everyone else. I would have this weird feeling like something was wrong and of course that affects how you feel about yourself and makes you feel very awkward around other people.

Anyway I was at home one day on my own and I asked myself what dont I like about myself. The answer is dont realy want to change anything about myself. So why the hell do I always feel so self conscious around people.
I knew the problem was in my head but how the hell do you deal with it?

Lately when I go out and I start to feel self conscious I just focus on my self(who I am) not on everyone else. Any way it has helped alot and the conversations just seem to go on there own.

Let me know what you think
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Old 07-09-2006
stormygrey's Avatar
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I always feel I look weird.. like there's somethign wrong wth my face/expression..
maybe it was because when I was 10, i had this teacher who would constantly pick on me...i mean i would be listening to her like the other kids... but somehow she would always pick me out in the middle of her class and then she would say like.. you with the blank face, you always have that sickening expression... and some verbal abuse.. i cld never figure out wats wrong..
anyway im always super aware of the way i look when i meet people... like i know something is wrong but cant change it.. think it makes me look weirder causes a lot of problems and misunderstandings :(
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Old 07-09-2006
Kevj's Avatar
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You are all describing the same thing; that you feel there is something 'wrong' with you, when you know there really isn't.

It makes me sad that I can't actually talk to you face to face; I know exactly how you feel and millions of (mostly Western) people feel the same way. It's all part of modern-day social conditioning.

Folks, please do yourselves all a big favour and read this book..

"There IS Nothing Wrong With You".....

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/097...265725?ie=UTF8
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Old 07-10-2006
GIOLANDA's Avatar
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Feeling weird useed to be a huge problem for me. I still feel like this sometimes,but it's much better now. A smart way is to think that the others feel weird too and that they're afraid of you,like you're afraid of them. Think that others feel shy too,so as to be better. Anyway,the odd thing is that we know what's right to think and still this knowledge doesn't help. But always try a positive way of thinking.
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Old 07-10-2006
cLavain's Avatar
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Yeah, I can relate to this, but Giolanda is right. I usually study how other people behave and surprisingly often I see signs of uncertainty and shyness, and this helps me a little when interacting. Also, it is uncomfortable when people stare at you as you walk across a room for example, but the thing is that most people will look at anything that catches their attention, like someone moving, but normally they aren't as intrigued by us as their stares imply.
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Old 07-10-2006
Mary's Avatar
Advanced User
 

The thing with me is that I used to walk funny due to the Sp I believe. I mean I would walk like Frankenstien..with my arms just hanging down to my sides..and wouldn't move them. I know people stared at me because of it and I just drew more attention to myself but I don't know why I did it, I think I was just so nervous I didn't want to move at all. I would freeze up.. :(
Once I became aware of it, I tried making an effort to walk swinging my arms and I think I am better at it now, but I still feel self conscious that I am doing it wrong and that is why I think I look wierd. I have also been told that I slouch, poor posture, same thing, SP. I also feel like I make people uncomfortable around me too. Like they can sense my nervousness and tension and it rubs off on them.
But even if I do look wierd still, I will just have to make more of an effort to not let it control my life and especially my thoughts. Thank you guys for the suggestions and advice!
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Old 07-11-2006
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Yeah, I was told I walked like a retard, among other comments about how I look, when I was younger. Then I overcompensated and walked with a different weird posture. If you can't trust the opinions of the society you're trying to make friends with, who can you trust> Well, that's what I think about anyway :(

Can't even trust how I walk and always have to think about it in public. Gotta love life.
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Old 07-11-2006
 

I agree with KEVJ's comments. IT is all in your head, in your mind. How do i know? Becuz i felt like this for many years--from childhood on thru my early adult years. We agree that social anxiety prone people are more then sensitive and get their feelings hurt fairly easily. Guess what? Its the mind sabotaging our self esteem once again. If people were ever giving you strange glances, i think it was because you were so self conscious, your body language attracted the glares. Other then that, in your own mind, i bet nobody really was even looking at you or noticed you walking by. In your mind tho, you made it a big ,huge event that the whole wide world stopped everything they were all doing, including cats, dogs, bees , the mailman, porno stars, and possibly even dead people from their graves. My point is this....nobody was really ever staring or gawking at you...nobody really made rude comments about your looks, and even if they did...it was and never will be..the end of your world. IT is your own very mind that has distorted your thinking, and i had this problem and really worked on a solution. I read books on cognitive therapy and how to change my mind from negative thinking to positive. Lots of hard work, everyday, as you are retraining your mind. Do yourself a favor and get a good therapist trained in COGNITIVE THERAPY. I never saw a therapist myself (long story), but i read many books on the theories and on websites...look it up online and decide what you wish...remember tho....do something positive for yourself, dont just sit and wish for things to improve, cuz they wont..you are the one who HAS to HELP YOURSELF.
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Old 07-11-2006
Kevj's Avatar
Newbie User
 

@savage_beagle

I'm with you - it's great that there is a place like this for people with SAD/SF to express our tortured there lives are and help them realize how common their situation really is.

But you all want to overcome this painful existence and we all need to be discussing what to actually DO about it.

@'patience'

You are on the right track!!

@Mary

"But even if I do look weird still, I will just have to make more of an effort to not let it control my life and especially my thoughts
I suggested some things before (I am a 'recovering' SAD sufferer), and a deceptively simple book called "There is Nothing Wrong with You"

To all of you trying to 'control' your life and control yourself - You are going down the path of deeper pain and suffering! This is the trap so many of us fall into. Our socially conditioned ego's are trying to convince us there is something 'wrong' with us, that we are not 'normal and that we have to change and control ourselves to fit in.

IT IS A LIE! Don't believe it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you...

Try this for starters.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/097...265725?ie=UTF8
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Old 07-11-2006
robbied84's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary
The thing with me is that I used to walk funny due to the Sp I believe. I mean I would walk like Frankenstien..with my arms just hanging down to my sides..and wouldn't move them. I know people stared at me because of it and I just drew more attention to myself but I don't know why I did it, I think I was just so nervous I didn't want to move at all. I would freeze up.. :(
Once I became aware of it, I tried making an effort to walk swinging my arms and I think I am better at it now, but I still feel self conscious that I am doing it wrong and that is why I think I look wierd. I have also been told that I slouch, poor posture, same thing, SP. I also feel like I make people uncomfortable around me too. Like they can sense my nervousness and tension and it rubs off on them.
But even if I do look wierd still, I will just have to make more of an effort to not let it control my life and especially my thoughts. Thank you guys for the suggestions and advice!
Hi Mary I feel exactly the same and have a very similar problem. I saw another thread about this but I'm always more comfortable when I'm out if I'm holding something, like a mobile phone or jacket. I'm very self-conscious about it and like you it's almost at the centre of all my problems!! In another thread someone said that to get over this you have to THINK about it, or don't think about it! But the more you think about it the more self-concious you become and the harder it is to overcome!! Almost impossible to break free of. I'd rather stay inside and not bother.


Don't you hate the people that just STARE (if you're self-conscious of looking different?) I was in a shop yesterday, looked round and saw this guy looking at me from his van outside at the traffic lights. Looked away as you do. Glanced back outisde - he's still staring! Make eye contact. Look away politely but I can still see him looking at me out of the corner of my eye. So I stare straight into his eyes and mouth something rude! These are the worst kind of people in the world. The ones that make me feel more miserable!!
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Old 07-11-2006
Kevj's Avatar
Newbie User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by robbied84
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary
The thing with me is that I used to walk funny due to the Sp I believe. I mean I would walk like Frankenstien..with my arms just hanging down to my sides..and wouldn't move them. I know people stared at me because of it and I just drew more attention to myself but I don't know why I did it, I think I was just so nervous I didn't want to move at all. I would freeze up.. :(
Once I became aware of it, I tried making an effort to walk swinging my arms and I think I am better at it now, but I still feel self conscious that I am doing it wrong and that is why I think I look wierd. I have also been told that I slouch, poor posture, same thing, SP. I also feel like I make people uncomfortable around me too. Like they can sense my nervousness and tension and it rubs off on them.
But even if I do look wierd still, I will just have to make more of an effort to not let it control my life and especially my thoughts. Thank you guys for the suggestions and advice!
Hi Mary I feel exactly the same and have a very similar problem. I saw another thread about this but I'm always more comfortable when I'm out if I'm holding something, like a mobile phone or jacket. I'm very self-conscious about it and like you it's almost at the centre of all my problems!! In another thread someone said that to get over this you have to THINK about it, or don't think about it! But the more you think about it the more self-concious you become and the harder it is to overcome!! Almost impossible to break free of. I'd rather stay inside and not bother.


Don't you hate the people that just STARE (if you're self-conscious of looking different?) I was in a shop yesterday, looked round and saw this guy looking at me from his van outside at the traffic lights. Looked away as you do. Glanced back outisde - he's still staring! Make eye contact. Look away politely but I can still see him looking at me out of the corner of my eye. So I stare straight into his eyes and mouth something rude! These are the worst kind of people in the world. The ones that make me feel more miserable!!
Mary, why do people staring at you like that make you 'miserable'?
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Old 07-11-2006
Meow's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

I can completely relate to this!! I always think people are looking at me thinking I look weird. If I have a tiny flaw I'll think it's huge or if not I seem to create it, that's what people say anyway. I hate the feeling of this...
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Old 07-11-2006
Mary's Avatar
Advanced User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kevj
Quote:
Originally Posted by robbied84
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary
The thing with me is that I used to walk funny due to the Sp I believe. I mean I would walk like Frankenstien..with my arms just hanging down to my sides..and wouldn't move them. I know people stared at me because of it and I just drew more attention to myself but I don't know why I did it, I think I was just so nervous I didn't want to move at all. I would freeze up.. :(
Once I became aware of it, I tried making an effort to walk swinging my arms and I think I am better at it now, but I still feel self conscious that I am doing it wrong and that is why I think I look wierd. I have also been told that I slouch, poor posture, same thing, SP. I also feel like I make people uncomfortable around me too. Like they can sense my nervousness and tension and it rubs off on them.
But even if I do look wierd still, I will just have to make more of an effort to not let it control my life and especially my thoughts. Thank you guys for the suggestions and advice!
Hi Mary I feel exactly the same and have a very similar problem. I saw another thread about this but I'm always more comfortable when I'm out if I'm holding something, like a mobile phone or jacket. I'm very self-conscious about it and like you it's almost at the centre of all my problems!! In another thread someone said that to get over this you have to THINK about it, or don't think about it! But the more you think about it the more self-concious you become and the harder it is to overcome!! Almost impossible to break free of. I'd rather stay inside and not bother.


Don't you hate the people that just STARE (if you're self-conscious of looking different?) I was in a shop yesterday, looked round and saw this guy looking at me from his van outside at the traffic lights. Looked away as you do. Glanced back outisde - he's still staring! Make eye contact. Look away politely but I can still see him looking at me out of the corner of my eye. So I stare straight into his eyes and mouth something rude! These are the worst kind of people in the world. The ones that make me feel more miserable!!
Mary, why do people staring at you like that make you 'miserable'?
Hello Kevj! I just wanted to post a quick reply that I think you have me confused w/someone else..I didn't write that I was miserable. I'm not saying I am exactly happy about feeling so self conscious either but I am not miserable. I just don't like it that's all. The person who wrote that was Robbied84. And I would venture to say that he probably feels miserable because its hard to live like this, w/these types of issues.
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