Hi there,
My name is Jaime and I'm 25, female. Not sure how to start, but I already feel some sort of relief just registering this forum thinking that I may be able to get some help. I will also mention that this is my first time joining a forum so let me know if I am doing anything wrong, like posting in the wrong category.
I definitely suffer from anxiety which is triggered mostly by social situations. As a teenager I was a social butterfly and I have to admit that I dabbled with some drugs which I worry messed with my seratonin leaving me with eternal consequence of suffering with anxiety.
When I think about what triggers my anxiety in a social setting it mostly comes back to this: I fear that somehow it will lead to my partner (boyfriend) being broken up. That may sound weird but I will explain with a few scenarios.
I don't have that many friends. I'm not good at making new friends. I hold on to my old high school friends who are low maintenance. I've moved to a small town with my partner for his job, and I work with him and a couple other guys (no girls) so there isn't that much opportunity to meet girls anyway. I do want friends here. But even when I meet someone (a girl, around my age) who I think could be a friend I start getting anxiety. I start judging her, and imagining if we become close friends and she started coming around, what if my boyfriend started liking her more than me? What if the idea of someone new excited him? What if she has a prettier face? So I judge her face. What if she has bigger boobs? A nicer bum? So I judge her physically. I know this sounds pathetic. And I've self diagnosed as "insecure" and I've tried to work on that. I exercise, often. Sometimes I go to the spa to get treatments done and that very temporarily boosts my confidence.
Sometimes I over compensate and if there is a "pretty girl" around with myself and my boyfriend and I will be over friendly to her as to sort of take the pressure of them talking or "getting to know each other" away. When he is out on his own, like at squash or even at work I always think there is a chance that some (pretty) girl will be there and he will get to know her and one thing could lead to another (either immediately or not) and I would always regret that I wasn't there to prevent it from happening. It is a hideous burden to live with and I know it is irrational. He has never, and I will repeat, never given me any reason to feel as though he would be with anyone else. I feel leaving his side at a party in case a girl saw him by himself and started talking to him. He is a very nice, friendly guy and would be nice to anyone that approached him. It would boil my blood.
I have always been the type of person to put all my eggs in one basic, which is my relationships. I have had multiple long(ish) term relationships and I will also admit that I've cheated on most, up until this relationship. I have been with him for 2 years now and love him. I want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him.
There are other scenarios that give me anxiety, but this is the most prominent, the fear of a prettier, hotter, nicer, more intelligent girl than me comes into my life and begins something with my partner. Because unfortunately these things happen.
Any suggestions? I know this is a deep, personal issue and will not be fixed over night. Is there anyone else out there that feels like this? Am I depressed? Do I have "social anxiety" or am I just insecure? Please help!
My name is Jaime and I'm 25, female. Not sure how to start, but I already feel some sort of relief just registering this forum thinking that I may be able to get some help. I will also mention that this is my first time joining a forum so let me know if I am doing anything wrong, like posting in the wrong category.
I definitely suffer from anxiety which is triggered mostly by social situations. As a teenager I was a social butterfly and I have to admit that I dabbled with some drugs which I worry messed with my seratonin leaving me with eternal consequence of suffering with anxiety.
When I think about what triggers my anxiety in a social setting it mostly comes back to this: I fear that somehow it will lead to my partner (boyfriend) being broken up. That may sound weird but I will explain with a few scenarios.
I don't have that many friends. I'm not good at making new friends. I hold on to my old high school friends who are low maintenance. I've moved to a small town with my partner for his job, and I work with him and a couple other guys (no girls) so there isn't that much opportunity to meet girls anyway. I do want friends here. But even when I meet someone (a girl, around my age) who I think could be a friend I start getting anxiety. I start judging her, and imagining if we become close friends and she started coming around, what if my boyfriend started liking her more than me? What if the idea of someone new excited him? What if she has a prettier face? So I judge her face. What if she has bigger boobs? A nicer bum? So I judge her physically. I know this sounds pathetic. And I've self diagnosed as "insecure" and I've tried to work on that. I exercise, often. Sometimes I go to the spa to get treatments done and that very temporarily boosts my confidence.
Sometimes I over compensate and if there is a "pretty girl" around with myself and my boyfriend and I will be over friendly to her as to sort of take the pressure of them talking or "getting to know each other" away. When he is out on his own, like at squash or even at work I always think there is a chance that some (pretty) girl will be there and he will get to know her and one thing could lead to another (either immediately or not) and I would always regret that I wasn't there to prevent it from happening. It is a hideous burden to live with and I know it is irrational. He has never, and I will repeat, never given me any reason to feel as though he would be with anyone else. I feel leaving his side at a party in case a girl saw him by himself and started talking to him. He is a very nice, friendly guy and would be nice to anyone that approached him. It would boil my blood.
I have always been the type of person to put all my eggs in one basic, which is my relationships. I have had multiple long(ish) term relationships and I will also admit that I've cheated on most, up until this relationship. I have been with him for 2 years now and love him. I want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him.
There are other scenarios that give me anxiety, but this is the most prominent, the fear of a prettier, hotter, nicer, more intelligent girl than me comes into my life and begins something with my partner. Because unfortunately these things happen.
Any suggestions? I know this is a deep, personal issue and will not be fixed over night. Is there anyone else out there that feels like this? Am I depressed? Do I have "social anxiety" or am I just insecure? Please help!
