SocialMess
New member
I've learned since I was a baby social mess that focusing on tasks obsessively helps me to deal with anxiety. This has been both a help and a hindrence in my life.
HELP:
-Good at learning new skills, amaze people with my aspberger-like abilities of focus.
-Can do pretty much anything I fixate on. Others get distracted too easily.
HINDRENCE:
-I avoid dealing with things because it's so easy, just OCD out on something.
-I have trained myself to stop even considering socializing because my life has revolved around "things" for so long.
-I've had many problems such as eating disorder(s) and agoraphobia. It can get out of my control sometimes. I always feel like my life is on a knife's edge because I never know when I'll go from "handling things reasonably well" to "disordered/addictive waste case".
-The goal-acheivement reinforcement of "solving problems" or "finding solutions" does feel very good, and can temporarily fill the void... but ultimately I can't ignore the emptiness that I'm not living properly. 25, no friends, no relationships, child.
I envy the balanced people. I envy everyone, no one is as socially messed up as I am. Even fellow social freaks usually have some friends and at least a history of romantic relationships.
Sometimes I feel like my tendency to distract/fixate so as to cope with stress and anxiety is the reason I am debilitated this way. It is a curse. On one hand it saves me because I rarely feel the effects of my anxiety, on the other hand it condemns me to an isolated lonely life without hope of getting out. My mind automatically zones out, OR fixates obsessively on some task (like school or food or not eating food) to the point where I'm not even aware I'm doing it. It makes it impossible to ever socialize and actually meet someone.
I've tried dating websites but every time someone messages me, I ignore them. Usually I make excuses like "oh they aren't interested in a real relationship" or "oh they would reject me if they met me in real life". Sometimes I just accept the truth, that it's too hard to respond and I don't want to.
It's like a catch 22. I've a rich toolkit for dealing with my craziness, but this toolkit only helps me continue avoidance and validates the anxiety response. Don't know what to do.
HELP:
-Good at learning new skills, amaze people with my aspberger-like abilities of focus.
-Can do pretty much anything I fixate on. Others get distracted too easily.
HINDRENCE:
-I avoid dealing with things because it's so easy, just OCD out on something.
-I have trained myself to stop even considering socializing because my life has revolved around "things" for so long.
-I've had many problems such as eating disorder(s) and agoraphobia. It can get out of my control sometimes. I always feel like my life is on a knife's edge because I never know when I'll go from "handling things reasonably well" to "disordered/addictive waste case".
-The goal-acheivement reinforcement of "solving problems" or "finding solutions" does feel very good, and can temporarily fill the void... but ultimately I can't ignore the emptiness that I'm not living properly. 25, no friends, no relationships, child.
I envy the balanced people. I envy everyone, no one is as socially messed up as I am. Even fellow social freaks usually have some friends and at least a history of romantic relationships.
Sometimes I feel like my tendency to distract/fixate so as to cope with stress and anxiety is the reason I am debilitated this way. It is a curse. On one hand it saves me because I rarely feel the effects of my anxiety, on the other hand it condemns me to an isolated lonely life without hope of getting out. My mind automatically zones out, OR fixates obsessively on some task (like school or food or not eating food) to the point where I'm not even aware I'm doing it. It makes it impossible to ever socialize and actually meet someone.
I've tried dating websites but every time someone messages me, I ignore them. Usually I make excuses like "oh they aren't interested in a real relationship" or "oh they would reject me if they met me in real life". Sometimes I just accept the truth, that it's too hard to respond and I don't want to.
It's like a catch 22. I've a rich toolkit for dealing with my craziness, but this toolkit only helps me continue avoidance and validates the anxiety response. Don't know what to do.