Getting out of your own head

lurknomore

lurknomore

1
I do this too, and everyone that I actually talk to about it says "Just get out and do things," yet, I feel paralyzed by the thought of taking action. I don't know if this is the same for anyone else, but for me, I get overwhelmed at the idea of making a decision as to what to do out of the plethora of options available. I mean, I went to the store the other night, my roommate asked me to get him something, and I told him if he didn't specify exactly what I should get him, my head would explode in trying to make the choice.

Also, for some reason, I was struck by a video game cover that I saw at work- I can't remember the name of it now, seemed like a "truth or dare" type of thing maybe, but one of the sample questions on it was "If you had 24 hours to live, what would you do?" My answer- spend the whole time paralyzed and overwhelmed in trying to simply decide what to do.

I feel like I need other people making the decisions for me- or at least pushing me in more specific directions- but of course I have no one. Even if I decided on a course of action, I wouldn't want to undertake it alone. Thus, I'm doubly stuck.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
i'd like for whoever kicks philly2bits and bsammy in the ass to save another kick for me, too

lurknomore said:
I do this too, and everyone that I actually talk to about it says "Just get out and do things," yet, I feel paralyzed by the thought of taking action. I don't know if this is the same for anyone else, but for me, I get overwhelmed at the idea of making a decision as to what to do out of the plethora of options available. I mean, I went to the store the other night, my roommate asked me to get him something, and I told him if he didn't specify exactly what I should get him, my head would explode in trying to make the choice.

Also, for some reason, I was struck by a video game cover that I saw at work- I can't remember the name of it now, seemed like a "truth or dare" type of thing maybe, but one of the sample questions on it was "If you had 24 hours to live, what would you do?" My answer- spend the whole time paralyzed and overwhelmed in trying to simply decide what to do.

I feel like I need other people making the decisions for me- or at least pushing me in more specific directions- but of course I have no one. Even if I decided on a course of action, I wouldn't want to undertake it alone. Thus, I'm doubly stuck.
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i'm the same way

the only way my life seems to progress from one point to another if for me to put myself in a position where choices are made for me

even doing nothing will usually force consequences of some kind

rather than working up the moral courage to decide the "right" course of action, i seem to be satisfied with rationalizing my inaction and trying to resolve the merits of the resulting consequences

i'm tired of living this way

i want to be in the driver's seat

but i have no idea which direction i'd go if i were driving

so i continue to sit here in the back seat, content to ride along

just hoping that we don't go off a cliff
 
Mr.Prez

Mr.Prez

Well-known member
how about this: If you had a magic wand and you could make your future anything you wanted it to be, do you know what you'd want to have happen? I have the same issue too, but I find that remembering what I eventually want at the end of the day helps me make the choices I need to make.
 
polishgirl

polishgirl

Well-known member
I think all of us, Sociophobics have the problem of overanalyzing. And all the advice is really true: just break the ice, do what you always feared to do! But start with little things. Just go with what you are given.

However, I feel like my problem is even more inside my head. I don't become paralyzed just because of my thoughts anymore. It's like I am programmed to be awkward, I just can't fight it.
 
twiggle

twiggle

Well-known member
An author whom I very much admire takes the viewpoint that everything that we say inside our head is the result of the ego, and that the ego is the loud-mouth monster that tries to play devil's advocate by making us see the worst in things a lot of the time.

I have the same problem that you do sometimes. My ego speaks to me too much and it's topic is solely 'me'. Me, me, me, me, me... what people think of me, what I should do... and when I think about it that way, it makes me angry that I let my ego speak so vocally.

Best way out is to just think and do things for others. And if you're not with these other people - then read a book or watch a film, just focus on other people/characters and who they are and what they're doing.

Personally I think my particular anxiety, is a selfish desire for appreciation from others, and I hate that fact so much that that becomes the main reason I wish to get over it.
 
B

bsammy

Well-known member
mr prez-thats my big problem i dont know how to live my life, what to do with my spare time really..how to make the most of it.i can mimic another persons life and do the social thing but get very little out of it but im also not happy living as a hermit so im damned if i do, damned if i dont.

its not fear that holds me back anymore as i do push myself to do things.now my battle is against anhedonia, more specifically social anhedonia.
 
philly2bits

philly2bits

Well-known member
bsammy said:
i have found that simply forcing yourself out doesnt help much as im still inside my head.ive been sitting in a bar before with a group of friends and my thoughts are still overpowering.
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I've experienced this as well. It doesn't matter if I'm out or not, because I'm still living in my head. So "getting out there" solves nothing. I need to get out of my head first.

Here is the crux of the problem as it pertains to me. For people to be a part of your life, you have to make yourself a part of theirs. I read it in a book not too long that said in the story of someones life, you have to make yourself a supporting character. You have to do it. And the best way to do this is to see what role they need filled.

But how can I do this if I'm in my own head? Always worrying about my own problems and needs. Never willing to ask or care about theirs because of fear of them not liking me, or thinking I'm stupid, or whatever else?
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
philly2bits said:
But how can I do this if I'm in my own head? Always worrying about my own problems and needs. Never willing to ask or care about theirs because of fear of them not liking me, or thinking I'm stupid, or whatever else?
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ahh, yes - there's the rub

it seems the more time we spend OUTSIDE our head, the more satisfying the experience becomes, and we no longer feel the need to seek shelter inside our own thoughts

but, the more time we spend INSIDE our head, the more difficult it becomes to feel comfortable in the present reality outside our thoughts
 
Sial Axetder

Sial Axetder

1
coyote said:
ahh, yes - there's the rub

it seems the more time we spend OUTSIDE our head, the more satisfying the experience becomes, and we no longer feel the need to seek shelter inside our own thoughts

but, the more time we spend INSIDE our head, the more difficult it becomes to feel comfortable in the present reality outside our thoughts
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Something like that.
It's going to sound overused but it works: The more you do/try something the better you get. So its clear why we're all so perfectly in-tune with INSIDE. We do it all the time.

The ass kick is just do it. No complaints, thoughts, ifs, ands, buts, should or could until the whatever-it-is is done. I don't care for that advice, doesn't solve anything. But it does.

The more you do the more familiar you are or will become. The more familiar the more relaxed with surroundings. The more familiar the more we can allow ourselves to focus and be us.
 
philly2bits

philly2bits

Well-known member
Sial Axetder said:
The ass kick is just do it. No complaints, thoughts, ifs, ands, buts, should or could until the whatever-it-is is done. I don't care for that advice, doesn't solve anything. But it does.
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The doing is not my problem. The how is. HOW do I do it? How do I get out of my head? How do I get over fear?

"Just" isn't good enough anymore. It was never good enough.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
Being in my own head is good sometimes. It is when I am most creative. Trying to learn to filter out the helpful thoughts coming on through is the trick. It's in the minority bu good thoughts do get through.

The pain of a 25km run really is the best way I can get out of my head. My mind foucses on simple needs like water, and counting down the kilometres until the pain can stop. After I finish all I can think about is having a sleep.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
philly2bits said:
...How do I get out of my head?...
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i've found the best way for me is through meditation

it doesn't have to be sitting on a pillow chanting "ohm"

just doing something simple that captures your focus and keeps you in the present moment

could be running, like Kiwong said

the more you do that and get used to the sensation of existing in the world detached from your ego, the easier it becomes

then, once you're accustomed to it, and it feels natural, perhaps you'll be better able to get out of your head at will
 
Sial Axetder

Sial Axetder

1
狼;557488 said:
I often find Tolle spot on. Here's a better clip for you :)

Eckhart Tolle - Of Excessive Thinking - YouTube
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Enlightening. This guy is so very calm, it is infectious.

Philly, when I first started battling AvPD I was constantly in my head. You have to stop thinking and try things. I can still be better, yep.

I took an understanding to what Tolle was saying, may help.

Know you want to do something then do it. Try some things that way. It's yourself preventing what you want to do or say.
 
philly2bits

philly2bits

Well-known member
Aletheia said:
To have a friend you must be a friend.
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That is a very good way of putting it.

狼;557488 said:
I often find Tolle spot on. Here's a better clip for you :)
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Thanks 狼. I'll look into him some more.

coyote said:
i've found the best way for me is through meditation
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Do you have any tips with meditation?

Sial Axetder said:
Philly, when I first started battling AvPD I was constantly in my head. You have to stop thinking and try things. I can still be better, yep.

I took an understanding to what Tolle was saying, may help.

Know you want to do something then do it. Try some things that way. It's yourself preventing what you want to do or say.
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Thanks Sial. It feels as though the first couple of steps are impossible to take sometimes.
 
Sial Axetder

Sial Axetder

1
philly2bits said:
That is a very good way of putting it.



Thanks 狼. I'll look into him some more.



Do you have any tips with meditation?



Thanks Sial. It feels as though the first couple of steps are impossible to take sometimes.
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You've got the INSIDE your mind perfectly. This is boring, yes? Move on to something with more challenge, yes?

Time to be on the OUTSIDE. Just like with anything being learned from new you'll have set backs. Recollect, calm down, do it again using what you've learned.

(I know, I make it sound so easy. I am still struggling and failing, will be ok.)

Find something you want, you want to do, want to say and go after it.
 
eternalnewb

eternalnewb

Well-known member
While I usually don't mind living inside my head I do find that at times it can be exhausting. I have tried to explain to my family how overwhelming it is when your mind never stops working and they just don't seem to get it. They think that you can just stop thinking, but for me that isn't really something I know how to do.

I've tried taking different classes in the community to be out and with other people, but then I just end up sitting quietly in the class once again in my own world.

The only time I can find any kind of peace is when I do a really difficult puzzle, or when I'm reading a good book. Since I have an extremely short attention span I don't usually do puzzles and that has resulted in me having an overwhelming number of books, but whatever works.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
philly2bits said:
Do you have any tips with meditation?
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any practice that you can involve yourself in that allows you to concentrate on your physical presence and take you out of your head

traditionally, the practice for many has been to sit still and concentrate on your own breathing

the idea is to focus on this and not on the thoughts that inevitably enter your mind

if a thought does occur, just focus on breathing, and allow it to pass away on its own, without giving thought to the thought

i find that it's easier and more satisfying to engage in a more physical activity such as walking, running, cycling, paddling, rowing, sweeping, raking, chopping wood, playing catch, etc...

i can focus on the activity - something simple and repetitive that doesn't require thought - and enter into a state of non-thought, just being aware of my physical presence in the moment
 
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