Hi everyone, I am a 29 year old male that has suffered from social anxiety disorder my whole life. I take various medications for it but I still suffer. However, I decided to make a decision that has helped me so far. I decided to give up on people, not care about them anymore. I have had too many negative experiences to convince me not to. This has, believe it or not, helped me tremendously. Some things are just worth giving up for. It just wasn't meant to be. I don't crave social interaction at all. I just want to work and live my life. I go my way they go theirs. Anybody else made a similar decision?
Giving up on people
- Thread starter skas99
- Start date
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Yeah, ah suppose ah huv. Kinda torn about it, really. In that, I'm unsure whether ah've made the right decision.
Ah mean, social interaction puts too much pressure upon me tae live up tae this supposed "reputation" I have as being "the comedian", especially amoungst my family. So-called because ah'll end up sayin' somethin' unintentionally funny - even though, I'm not tryin' tae be funny in any way - that'll make someone laugh. Ah guess, that's why ah dread social group interaction so much. People expect me tae be a certain way and when they realise am not - as they think I am - they tend to git bored of me quickly.
Believe me if ah hud the confidence n' belief in ma own creative abilites, ah would git up on stage. Either doin' stand-up comedy or playin' the guitar.
Also, huvin' cerebral palsy doesnae exactly make social interaction any easier fur me. Anyway, sorry, if am jist ramblin' and typin' in ma native Scottish dialect. :bigsmile:
Kiwong
Well-known member
Yes, I have made a similar decision.
I tried to explain to a counsellor once that all trying to connect with people has caused me is complication and pain. No amount of drugs can soften the blow of having to deal with the dysfunctional world of people. It was like I was uttering blasemphy
I am happiest in my own company
I tried to explain to a counsellor once that all trying to connect with people has caused me is complication and pain. No amount of drugs can soften the blow of having to deal with the dysfunctional world of people. It was like I was uttering blasemphy
I am happiest in my own company
Lavinialuna
Well-known member
I can hear your accent in my head :bigsmile:
theslowesthand
Banned
My "decision" was more of a gradual process, over many years. And this decision really was made for me, by the world. I learnt from many, many negative experiences, that people cannot be trusted, whether you know them or not. And i was just too sensitive for people, reacting internally to almost everything they said or did. Also i did not like the feeling of being "at their mercy" (ie waiting for the next "attack" on me, not knowing when or by whom). Anyway, the result is that i live the life of a complete hermit now. The price for this is of course a fair bit of loneliness, depression, etc (in last few years anyway, as my isolation has tended towards the extreme). So for myself, this decision hasn't actually helped me socially at all, perhaps due to that it wasn't a "pseudo" decision, but a real actual decision.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Yer gonnae keep that accent in yer heid everytime you read ma post now, aren't ye? Anyway, enjoy ma mediocre, half-***, drunken Sean Connery impression. :bigsmile:
Ooops, we appear tae huv gone off topic... So, basically ma givin' up on people happen graduallly when ah began wonderin' why people always engaged me in conversation when ah huv'nae got much tae say, if anythin'. Eventually, the person talkin' tae me gits bored, thinks that am a boring, derogatory term for a ****** and buggers off. Also ah never smiled as much as ah should've done. Always hud that somewhat dim "The light are on, but naebuddy hame" expression on ma face.
Also overhearing ma high school peers say how they thought "stuck-up" because ah wuz quiet and didnae talk much - not somethin' ye want tae hear, everything. Being physically disabled only seem tae add tae ma problems of connectin' wi' people, in general. But that's a whole other story...
Lexus199
Well-known member
I get where you're coming from. I sometimes act like a hermit (Not literally but socially). Unfortunately it doesn't seem to work for me. It feels like I'm wanting something I can't have. I go out every now and then but socializing is extremely draining for me. I also have a hard time connecting to people. It's been a constant source of stress and disappointment for me. So I can understand the desire to go it alone.
S_Spartan
Well-known member
So yesterday I decided to be a little bit social and I talked to a couple of guys at the gym. All they did is b*tch and complain about stuff. Then later some gut started talking to me jn a store in the customer service line and was complaining about stuff. Then later I get a phone call from a person who seems to call when they want something from me. Now explain to me how being social is such an enriching experience! Being social seems to be mostly about hearing people moan about their problems or them trying to use you in some way. At least that is my experience lately. Why can't people just try to be more fun? I sure am trying to be!
I can understand why you'd make that decision but i also find it rather sad too. I've thought about giving up on everyone, especially recently, but i don't want to give up just yet. I can't let anxiety win. I want to have some happiness while i'm here on this earth. I think i deserve it just as much as anyone else and so do you. Everybody needs someone, whether they realise it or not.
Helmaninquiel
Well-known member
In my eyes nothing wrong with that. Honestly I'm the same way, it actually makes me physically and emotionally sick to be in the presents of someone. I have zero interest in them. Cause it always ends up the same with me feeling disjointed from myself.
Lavinialuna
Well-known member
I have given up on most of my friends. Sadly I very seldom have a social interaction that leaves me feeling anything other than pain. People always let me down, even my mom. I just stopped socializing with anyone other than my husband. Not sure what would happen to me if I didn't have him.
Livemylife
Well-known member
Me too. I asked this before and here are the responses
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/anyone-else-give-up-on-people-57883/
I've learned this is a very controversial thing to say...However, I still think it's a logical conclusion.
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/anyone-else-give-up-on-people-57883/
I've learned this is a very controversial thing to say...However, I still think it's a logical conclusion.
planemo
Well-known member
For me i would like to give up on what others think of me. but i don't wanna give up on finding people that will make my life better. granted many people out there won't make things better for me, and this i know. however even if it's just one person who can make my life more whole, i definitely don't wanna give up on that.
LimitX
Member
My decision was similar except that I decided not to let what they think about me determine my value because I found out that people keep on shifting the goal posts and that can be very frustrating. These days I am more outgoing and I am actually beginning to like being with people.
I think this is actually a very valid choice, and YES it can help tremendously.
howeveerrrr... it depends how someone does it. Saying "Ive given up on people" sounds like a person has just given into depression and being all sorry for themselves, and has lost faith in humankind, is going to cut all ties and blah blah etc.
If that's what has happened, then that person needs some serious help. They aren't getting better at all and the choice isnt actually helping them long term, and "declaring it" actually sounds like a little cry for help.
However, if they have "given up" on worrying constantly about what others think, trying to please people obsessively or to the point where it impacts on their own lives, or has given up trying to fit into unreasonable social expectations, giving up on "searching" for and needing constant validation etc - then that sounds pretty healthy and its a step forward (and a damn big weight off their shoulders).
Janeypod
Member
Yes. I can agree with that. Sick of putting on an act and being overly polite cos I think I'm going to upset people. :thinking:
Richey
Well-known member
I firmly believe that an introvert matches up well with other mild mannered introverts.
I think a sensitive introvert dating a very outspoken ego, could work out, but probably not all that much. Those are very different people.
Its like a superficial person probably wont match up well with a non superficial person.
But then again alot of couples do have different personalities...
It is hard to gauge.
Try and find someone similar to yourself in terms of personality, it is far more relatable. Not based on superficialities or simply physical attraction.
Maybe concede defeat for now but be open to the chance it could happen.
I think a sensitive introvert dating a very outspoken ego, could work out, but probably not all that much. Those are very different people.
Its like a superficial person probably wont match up well with a non superficial person.
But then again alot of couples do have different personalities...
It is hard to gauge.
Try and find someone similar to yourself in terms of personality, it is far more relatable. Not based on superficialities or simply physical attraction.
Maybe concede defeat for now but be open to the chance it could happen.
Friendless2
Member
If you stay alone for too long,you'll go insane.