Got a bit of a conundrum here

Metal_isthe_Answer

Metal_isthe_Answer

Well-known member
So I've been attending college since this past August. This semester I met a girl I've been very attracted to, but me being who I am, I have a very difficult time talking to people in general, but more so when it's some one I like.
Wanting to know just a bit more about her I did a quick facebook search on her so I could have a simple guess at her age (I wouldnt call it stalking if the information is publicly available).
The problem is that I'm 29 and it looks like she is 18.
Aside from the fact that I was probably not going to ask her out anyway since I expect a no, I still want to, but now I'm worried that she would be put off by an older guy approaching her, and I dont want to be see as the creepy old guy. Im not actually bothered much by the difference, and from the little Ive seen and talked to her, it seems we have a decent amount in common.
Sooo, suggestions?
 
Metal_isthe_Answer

Metal_isthe_Answer

Well-known member
Thats the attitude I want to have, but Ive never had any success with dating. It gets really hard to work up the courage to try after a while. I dunno, Im stuck
Just venting I guess, I do feel better overall now than when I started the thread
 
Nanita

Nanita

Well-known member
Don't let the age gap bother you... When I was 18 I sure wasn't interested in guys my own age.
Other than that, I do understand your insecurities, but if it seems like you have a lot in common, go for it.
 
FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
Do what you will, but tread verrrrrrrrry carefully.

It'd be better if you two were 26 and 37, instead of 18 and 29. Eleven years tends to be a big gap in maturity at that juncture. Most people don't even know who they are at 18, and with your limited dating experience, I'd worry about getting in over your head, then getting left holding the bag as she develops as a person.

If you can keep things light, and keep your eyes open, I'd say go ahead, but I think it's going to be one heck of a trick.
 
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kilojoule

kilojoule

1
that is a conundrum

. o O oh thats not a very helpful ...em


I know where youre coming from cos we're the same age and I'm in college too with people 18 and 19. I've made friends, I find theres a lot of people who I get on with, a few I've become really good friends with, ...but then every so often they say something and I think :eek: wow you're not a grown up. It always shocks me cos I think we're in the same place....but then they catch me off guard with some throw away comment and I realise we're really not in the same place. And it's not a criticism it's just they have to go through all this stuff still.

FountainandFairfax said:
It'd be better if you two were 26 and 37, instead of 18 and 29. Eleven years tends to be a big gap in maturity at that juncture. Most people don't even know who they are at 18...
Click to expand...

yup


Also I notice people treat me different in college because Im older, they dont talk to me as me, they talk to me as the older woman. I don't feel like it would ever be an even playing field at this stage. Its probably the same for you.
 
Metal_isthe_Answer

Metal_isthe_Answer

Well-known member
Most people are very shocked when I say Im 29, it actually stopped a conversation for a bit today.
One of the biggest things that has kept me single (aside from generally not talking to people) is that most people I know over 25 have or want kids pretty bad, I think thats why Im more interested in younger women, they usually dont have kids. I always feel out of place with people my age or slightly older, like theyre saying "look at all the things Ive accomplished!" and Im just sitting here.......doing squat diddly
 
J

jc972

1
Metal_isthe_Answer said:
Most people are very shocked when I say Im 29, it actually stopped a conversation for a bit today.
One of the biggest things that has kept me single (aside from generally not talking to people) is that most people I know over 25 have or want kids pretty bad, I think thats why Im more interested in younger women, they usually dont have kids. I always feel out of place with people my age or slightly older, like theyre saying "look at all the things Ive accomplished!" and Im just sitting here.......doing squat diddly
Click to expand...

That don't make you any less of a person.
 
Metal_isthe_Answer

Metal_isthe_Answer

Well-known member
*Update, on the day of the final while the class was waiting on the instructor to show up, she called me over cause she said I looked sad (I wasn't, i just have that kind of look I guess), 5 seconds into the, conversation the instructor comes in and class starts.
So I never got the chance to say anything but I still think just keeping it to myself was the right choice
 
FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
At least you're still of a mind to ask someone out, that's something in itself.

I agree that this was probably not the girl to pursue due to the age gap, maybe next time someone closer to your age will seem like a good fit.
 
OceanMist

OceanMist

Well-known member
If you don't have time before or during class, wait until after class and start talking to her. Try to get her phone number. If she accepts, text her within 24 hours and you should be able to work it from there and ask her out on a date somewhere.

If she says anything along the lines of I'm not interested when you ask for the number then don't worry about it and just look for another girl who is interested if you are looking for a girl to chill with.

This is if you are truly interested in going out with her. Depends on how bad you want it. Sadly women almost never make the first move so it will have to be you to make that first move if you want her.
 
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PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Yea seriously, age SHOULDN'T make much difference, but at 18 she's at a waaaayyy different stage in her life.
It is one of those weird problems though, if 2 people like each other that's all that should matter. Eigh'teen'.... teen.
Remember what 'teens' are like and how they see the world etc. Remember how you viewed the world at eigh'teen'.
 
Metal_isthe_Answer

Metal_isthe_Answer

Well-known member
PugofCrydee said:
Yea seriously, age SHOULDN'T make much difference, but at 18 she's at a waaaayyy different stage in her life.
It is one of those weird problems though, if 2 people like each other that's all that should matter. Eigh'teen'.... teen.
Remember what 'teens' are like and how they see the world etc. Remember how you viewed the world at eigh'teen'.
Click to expand...

I do remember the way I was at 18, and honestly not much has changed. I don't do the stuff I used to do but it's mostly because I don't have anyone to do anything with, my own personal interests and hobbies haven't actually changed.
Anyway, it's kind of sucky to be an older guy at a womans college
 
kilojoule

kilojoule

1
FountainandFairfax said:
At least you're still of a mind to ask someone out, that's something in itself.

I agree that this was probably not the girl to pursue due to the age gap, maybe next time someone closer to your age will seem like a good fit.
Click to expand...

^yea I really agree with this.


I think you've already made up your mind not to pursue this girl and I think that is the right decision. The other reason(aside from whats already been said about age differences between 18-29) why I think its a bad idea is you don't want to be perceived as the creepy guy.It'd be one thing if an 18 y/o pursued a 29 y/o but the other way around...yea I can see how that might go wrong. You could go from being the cool older guy to the creepy guy, that wouldn't make your life easier.
 
Mehh

Mehh

Active member
Yeah, the "old creepy guy" trope is definitely a real thing that you'll need to avoid... I guess I would be worried about differences in maturity?

My best advice would be to try to become friends with her and get to know her. Hanging out with her outside of class might give you an idea of her true personality, her maturity level, what kind of partner she's looking for, etc. Additionally, if she's cool with hanging out with a 29 year old outside of class, then that could indicate that she'd be more open to dating somebody older.
 
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