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Old 06-24-2010
tooshytosay's Avatar
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I just can't stand "hanging out" with people - I find it extremely boring.

You know, just casually chatting with people, doing nothing much in particular, to me seems to be such a waste of time.

In that time, I'd rather go get more work done, or actually go do something I like to do. I just find your classic social occasions - chatting with people over a cup of coffee / meal, loosely "hanging out" with friends, going out for a drink - all mind-bogglingly boring. In those situations I watch the time go by and wish I was doing somethiing more "productive".

The irony is, all this makes me look like someone who wants to reject human contact and be alone. But that's not true - I still long for meaningful human contact and I wish there were some people I could enjoy being with. But at the same time, I hate "socializing" the way most people do. See the Catch-22? :(

Do people really enjoy "socializing" deep down? Or is socializing a "price to pay" in order to be with other people?
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Old 06-24-2010
takenimpulse's Avatar
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I feel the exact same way. Then again, it could be just the way I've conditioned myself from the anxiety.
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Old 06-24-2010
brokenfingers04's Avatar
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I really get what your saying and its definitely a "price to pay", to socialize or not. Eventually you'll have to get used to it if you want to be around people. No matter how awkward you feel.
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Old 06-24-2010
Jegan's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

same here.. it just feels pointless i'd rather hang out alone ..takin a walk in da park or have a coffee by my self ..alone...than so******ing with some one.. if its my GF...i dont mind.. I never get bored.. but if its with some one else..even a freind i know for many years.. i get bored hanging out.. actually it gets me tiring and worth less because they have soo much to talk about ..n' i dont have anything else to say..yea
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Old 06-24-2010
EscapeArtist's Avatar
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I'm like this as well. I don't necessarily want to be productive, but I get bored unless there's a point to the conversation, some kind of productive conversation, whether it's emotional growth, talk about factual interests, or sharing hopes... But, I can't stand talking about the present or gossip. Maybe it's simply because I crave a way to escape the present in a social situation, it might be a form of running away.
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Old 06-24-2010
Psychedelicious's Avatar
Dreams of frosting...
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Most of the time I think they are all bored too. I don't think they do it because they necessarily enjoy sitting around talking about nothing, and being boring (hmm?). A lot of the time, people will actually be deciding what they are going to do, and of course get distract easily by whatevers. I mean "hanging out" to me is better than sitting here doing nothing and being on the computer all day. Not that I ever do that...
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Old 06-24-2010
zav943's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

I agree with most people here. Socializing is tough, but I've been doing it more often lately on the off-chance I might meet someone...no luck so far...not by any measurable standard.

Here's a prime example of pointless socializing:

Some of my co-workers (25 people invited, only 6 consistently go) go out EVERY Thursday for wings and beer after work...I've come out to two of them so far and I've truly run out of ideas as to what to talk about with them at these things, and they put no conscious effort into talking about anything meaningful, so I just don't go anymore.
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Old 06-24-2010
stephen's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Gossip is something I definitely have very little interest in.

I think maybe I'm more able than most to entertain myself. Even if I'm seemingly just sitting staring at a spot on the wall my brain is still churning away. (Honest I'm not really a cabbage ). Then there's times when I am just staring at a spot on the wall. Sometimes I just appreciate the down time.
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Old 06-24-2010
Ignace's Avatar
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Other people, like my friends seem to like it very much, but as you do, I hate it too. I don't see the fun in it. I don't got a problem with not being productive. I do got a problem with the hanging itself. What are you supposed to talk about whole the time, and especially when you got nothing to say. >.>
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Old 06-24-2010
 

I don't think you don't enjoy the company of people. It's just that you're too shy so you convince yourself it isn't fun.

I don't like to hang out and party either. I just feel uncomfortable and I often don't know what to talk about with strangers. But that's because of my S.A. But I don't believe that, if I felt perfectly comfortable, that I don't enjoy the company of others.

Otherwise I wouldn't be here to talk to people with the same problems. And I think that applies to you too.
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Old 06-24-2010
 

I like how it distracts me from feeling rubbish. I've conditioned myself to think that if these people are willingly spending time with me, I must be a decent person. Despite not liking myself, I trust my friends' opinions over my own mostly.
Sometimes it's nice to not be doing anything but still be with someone.. Makes me feel comfortable
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Old 06-24-2010
Ritta's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

I suppose it all depends on who you're hanging out with. I've been caught up in certain situations where I felt so left out and wondered what the heck I was doing there. "Normal" people tend to talk about material stuff the most, like clothes, cars, furniture, then they talk about dating and who they like and who they don't like. To me that's extremely boring. Now if I were to find a nice interesting group that talked about meaningful things, then I wouldn't mind spending hours talking to them.
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Old 06-24-2010
lonely_drummer's Avatar
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I find it the same, unless Im talking to someone who actually has something very interesting to say. However, the socializing world is just a waste of time. All the normals just distract themselves from the reality in our world with these happy tea times and gossip that rots the mind. Its things like mindless socializing and TV that can destroy your potential (unless its discovery channel lol). I wouldnt say that I avoid socializing because its boring, its more or so that I wont fall for the socially acceptable code by distracting myself with these mindless tricks of small talk. Its almost like jumping through hoops of fire. So next time one of your friends asks you to just come "hang out" or go for coffee or something, just be like no, lets climb a tree, talk about the mysteries in the world and make annoying bird calls to the non suspecting people walking below, its quite fun actually.
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Old 06-24-2010
 

where is the fun if you cant be youreself?
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Old 06-24-2010
userremoved
 

I enjoy hanging out with people too. As long as they don't give me a hard time for being quiet. Those kind of people I can't stand.
 
Old 06-24-2010
NathanielWingatePeaslee's Avatar
Super Moderator
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ritta View Post
I suppose it all depends on who you're hanging out with. I've been caught up in certain situations where I felt so left out and wondered what the heck I was doing there. "Normal" people tend to talk about material stuff the most, like clothes, cars, furniture, then they talk about dating and who they like and who they don't like. To me that's extremely boring. Now if I were to find a nice interesting group that talked about meaningful things, then I wouldn't mind spending hours talking to them.
Yes! Especially that first sentence. Humans are hardwired to be social, we can't help it. Just by posting in this thread you are socializing. A lot of the problem is finding the right people to spend time with.
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Old 06-24-2010
Tiercel's Avatar
Elite User
 

When I'm with the right people I enjoy it. Otherwise I just clam up and look for a way out.
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Old 07-26-2010
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by tooshytosay View Post
I just can't stand "hanging out" with people - I find it extremely boring.

You know, just casually chatting with people, doing nothing much in particular, to me seems to be such a waste of time.

In that time, I'd rather go get more work done, or actually go do something I like to do. I just find your classic social occasions - chatting with people over a cup of coffee / meal, loosely "hanging out" with friends, going out for a drink - all mind-bogglingly boring. In those situations I watch the time go by and wish I was doing somethiing more "productive".

The irony is, all this makes me look like someone who wants to reject human contact and be alone. But that's not true - I still long for meaningful human contact and I wish there were some people I could enjoy being with. But at the same time, I hate "socializing" the way most people do. See the Catch-22? :(

Do people really enjoy "socializing" deep down? Or is socializing a "price to pay" in order to be with other people?
I'm new here and I have an observation about this thread. You know as Iím reading this you sound like an introvert. Introverts typically donít like random socializing either. Are you sure you belong on the shyness boards? LOL. I myself am both shy and an introvert and I am often bored sh* with the type of hanging out you describe. In my case, Iíd rather be doing something like seeing a show or even shopping or looking at some art or even just people watching. I donít really like discussing the mundanities of life Ė though I enjoy a nice cup of coffee. Most people, by whom I mean extroverted people, really do enjoy socializing for its own sake. Thatís how they get their psychological energy. They need it like water.

Thatís why some people will even hang out with folks they donít particularly like just to hang out with someone. Think about it. Thereís a million ways to entertain yourself at home if youíre so inclined. I have loads of books, CDs, movies, the interwebs, a pet, and a garden. I could walk downtown and look in the shops or go to the beach. I am perfectly content to enjoy this stuff alone even preferring to do it all alone. An extrovert would be bored alone or feel weird doing stuff like that alone. They call all their friends but theyíre not available. However the one thatís a complete **** off that embarrassed them at a party once isnít, so they invite that person. Anything not to be alone.

Myself, I would never have called the **** off or even hung out with that fool again. Even if I felt lonely, which introverts can, I would NOT hang with someone unless I liked them. Who does that? Oh, yeahÖso any how you guys that hate pointless socializing sound like shy and introverted people to me. Itís NOT just your SA talking. Itís your introversion.

A shy extrovert (yes, they can be shy) would feel a sense of great comfort to just be hanging with people. I have a friend like that. Sheís painfully shy, but she is always looking for company typically me. Iím terrible. I donít need to see or talk to anyone for weeks at a time. And I dread talking to some people on the phone because I know they will talk my ear off and bore me to tears. Itís just so draining. And thatís the definition of an introvert. Social interaction is draining and small talk is dull as all get out. People consistently confuse it with shyness and SA but itís different and I should know because Iím both.
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Old 07-26-2010
Felgen's Avatar
Elite User
 

Casual talk, hanging out and similar stuff is a bonding mechanism in humans, just like the grooming in chimpanzees.
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Old 07-26-2010
Waybuloo's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shybee View Post
I'm new here and I have an observation about this thread. You know as Iím reading this you sound like an introvert. Introverts typically donít like random socializing either. Are you sure you belong on the shyness boards? LOL. I myself am both shy and an introvert and I am often bored sh* with the type of hanging out you describe. In my case, Iíd rather be doing something like seeing a show or even shopping or looking at some art or even just people watching. I donít really like discussing the mundanities of life Ė though I enjoy a nice cup of coffee. Most people, by whom I mean extroverted people, really do enjoy socializing for its own sake. Thatís how they get their psychological energy. They need it like water.

Thatís why some people will even hang out with folks they donít particularly like just to hang out with someone. Think about it. Thereís a million ways to entertain yourself at home if youíre so inclined. I have loads of books, CDs, movies, the interwebs, a pet, and a garden. I could walk downtown and look in the shops or go to the beach. I am perfectly content to enjoy this stuff alone even preferring to do it all alone. An extrovert would be bored alone or feel weird doing stuff like that alone. They call all their friends but theyíre not available. However the one thatís a complete **** off that embarrassed them at a party once isnít, so they invite that person. Anything not to be alone.

Myself, I would never have called the **** off or even hung out with that fool again. Even if I felt lonely, which introverts can, I would NOT hang with someone unless I liked them. Who does that? Oh, yeahÖso any how you guys that hate pointless socializing sound like shy and introverted people to me. Itís NOT just your SA talking. Itís your introversion.

A shy extrovert (yes, they can be shy) would feel a sense of great comfort to just be hanging with people. I have a friend like that. Sheís painfully shy, but she is always looking for company typically me. Iím terrible. I donít need to see or talk to anyone for weeks at a time. And I dread talking to some people on the phone because I know they will talk my ear off and bore me to tears. Itís just so draining. And thatís the definition of an introvert. Social interaction is draining and small talk is dull as all get out. People consistently confuse it with shyness and SA but itís different and I should know because Iím both.
I completely agree with the shy and extrovert type being a possibility. I think I might be a shy and slightly extroverted person, as if not for the company of my bf i'd drive myself insane with my own company as long as whatever occupies me on my laptop runs its course. This is why I was so extremely frustrated before meeting him - I was on my own a lot yet tortured by the prospect of so******ing due to its anxiety inducing properties.
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