Hanging out with friends alone in a relationship?

So my boyfriend of one year has told me he wants to hang out with friends.. But most of his friends are girls. He says he wouldn't do anything wrong when he is in a relationship with me and that he wants to do this to be closer with all of his friends. I don't know what to do because I think of these things such as being alone doing activities as dates. I don't want to break up because we really are close and I really love him but either way if I do or not I will feel pretty upset. Plus I don't even know these friends of his that well, one of them is a childhood friend who has displayed some jealously towards me before. I trust him, but not really his friends. How should I feel when I'm alone while my boyfriend is being alone with other girls? I need some advice please.

(It has happened once before when him and a friend were alone at his house but they swear nothing happened and they were playing video games. I believe this is true because his friend is in a committed relationship but he didn't even tell me he had plans with her, he lied to me about it.)

The lies seem to be the red flags here.

If everything is okay, why try to cover it up and be dishonest?

Tell him how you feel and see how he responds. If he tries to turn it back on you by saying things like "you're paranoid" or put words in your mouth such as "you just want me to sit here with you every waking moment!" then I'd be very careful going forward.

Shy people have to guard their hearts like soldiers, so don't feel bad about this. Talk to him about your feelings and see what he says.

I kind of hate this. It seems suspicious that most of his friends are females and that he wants to spend alone time with them one-on-one when he already has a gf...maybe I'm old fashioned but i think if someone has a gf then they don't need to be spending an excessive amount of time with other girls.......THere's no telling if that childhood friend of his isn't trying to nose in on your man candy.

higher a private investigator if you need to.....I would.

FountainandFairfax said:

The lies seem to be the red flags here.

If everything is okay, why try to cover it up and be dishonest?

Tell him how you feel and see how he responds. If he tries to turn it back on you by saying things like "you're paranoid" or put words in your mouth such as "you just want me to sit here with you every waking moment!" then I'd be very careful going forward.

Shy people have to guard their hearts like soldiers, so don't feel bad about this. Talk to him about your feelings and see what he says.

Click to expand...

I have told him many times already about my feelings and he replies "If you don't like it break up with me" and has even told me that I'm in the way of him being close with friends which is not true, I'm throwing a party for him which I've planned for a while for him to see his friends and try to cheer him up since he can be depressed, but it's more of a party for me now since I'm inviting more of my friends because why should I do this for him after he doesn't care about my feelings? I even talked to the friend he hanged out with and she agreed with what I thought! She thought his intentions were strange.

AtTheGates said:

I kind of hate this. It seems suspicious that most of his friends are females and that he wants to spend alone time with them one-on-one when he already has a gf...maybe I'm old fashioned but i think if someone has a gf then they don't need to be spending an excessive amount of time with other girls.......THere's no telling if that childhood friend of his isn't trying to nose in on your man candy.

higher a private investigator if you need to.....I would.

Click to expand...

Well he has always had female friends but hanging out with them alone is different when your in a relationship. I don't think it is a good idea. The childhood friend is actually a friend of mine too but she has acted strange before since I have seen her text to him "I love you"

SadAngelOfLove said:

Well he has always had female friends but hanging out with them alone is different when your in a relationship. I don't think it is a good idea. The childhood friend is actually a friend of mine too but she has acted strange before since I have seen her text to him "I love you"

Click to expand...

if he is saying stuff like "well then just break up with me" then that makes it sound like he thinks you're expendable..Im not saying thats a fact but maybe you should ask him...

Other than that it sounds like he has the upper-hand in the relationship..he can just do whatever he wants with whoever he wants and then lie to you about it and when you question him he just gives you the break-up ultimatum....maybe you really should do a bit more snooping just to see if he's even worth all this.


but I COULD be wrong....im just saying, if its one of those situations where you just HAVE to know what his deal is then definitely you should snoop in on him a bit more.

AtTheGates said:

if he is saying stuff like "well then just break up with me" then that makes it sound like he thinks you're expendable..Im not saying thats a fact but maybe you should ask him...

Other than that it sounds like he has the upper-hand in the relationship..he can just do whatever he wants with whoever he wants and then lie to you about it and when you question him he just gives you the break-up ultimatum....maybe you really should do a bit more snooping just to see if he's even worth all this.


but I COULD be wrong....im just saying, if its one of those situations where you just HAVE to know what his deal is then definitely you should snoop in on him a bit more.

Click to expand...

I'll ask him about it. Good ideas, yeah I feel like he wants to do whatever he wants but I know that you can't just do that in the real world. How should I snoop on him? I wish I could by looking at his phone but he has some password now so that he can have "privacy" so I have no idea who he talks to

SadAngelOfLove said:

I'll ask him about it. Good ideas, yeah I feel like he wants to do whatever he wants but I know that you can't just do that in the real world. How should I snoop on him? I wish I could by looking at his phone but he has some password now so that he can have "privacy" so I have no idea who he talks to

Click to expand...

email password, Facebook password, put a key logger on his computer, and you could just drop in on him randomly just to see what he's doing...I would say you could follow him in your car but thats a bit extreme....you could put one of those tracking devices in his car.


or if you REALLY need to know what he's doing then you could hire a private investigator if you have the money.

SadAngelOfLove said:

I have told him many times already about my feelings and he replies "If you don't like it break up with me" and has even told me that I'm in the way of him being close with friends which is not true, I'm throwing a party for him which I've planned for a while for him to see his friends and try to cheer him up since he can be depressed, but it's more of a party for me now since I'm inviting more of my friends because why should I do this for him after he doesn't care about my feelings? I even talked to the friend he hanged out with and she agreed with what I thought! She thought his intentions were strange.

Click to expand...

It sounds a little like his priorities are in the wrong place or he's not ready for a committed relationship. Or it could always be that he's counting on you to not have the heart to break up with him. "If you don't like it break up with me" is an awfully harsh thing to say to someone you are supposed to care about above almost all others.

AtTheGates said:

email password, Facebook password, put a key logger on his computer, and you could just drop in on him randomly just to see what he's doing...I would say you could follow him in your car but thats a bit extreme....you could put one of those tracking devices in his car.


or if you REALLY need to know what he's doing then you could hire a private investigator if you have the money.

Click to expand...

If a person has to do all that in a relationship, you have to ask yourself two questions:

1. Is it really worth it?
2. Am I really happy if I feel I can't trust him/her?

theoutsider said:

If a person has to do all that in a relationship, you have to ask yourself two questions:

1. Is it really worth it?
2. Am I really happy if I feel I can't trust him/her?

Click to expand...

good point but if you've got a lot of yourself invested in another person then it might be worth it just to have a bit of closure.

In 2015, tons of people have mixed-gender social circles. I literally see it every single day I'm out, in immigrants and people born in the US, in retirees and in students. Get to know some of his friends and see how you feel about them.

If you have to spy on your significant other to make up your mind about the people they're spending time with, you've already lost.

theoutsider said:

It sounds a little like his priorities are in the wrong place or he's not ready for a committed relationship. Or it could always be that he's counting on you to not have the heart to break up with him. "If you don't like it break up with me" is an awfully harsh thing to say to someone you are supposed to care about above almost all others.

Click to expand...

I agree but he has not said that again, I just think he wants me and be alone with friends which I'm not sure about.

Argentum said:

In 2015, tons of people have mixed-gender social circles. I literally see it every single day I'm out, in immigrants and people born in the US, in retirees and in students. Get to know some of his friends and see how you feel about them.

If you have to spy on your significant other to make up your mind about the people they're spending time with, you've already lost.

Click to expand...

I see that people do hang out with friends alone but I personally do not like him to just do whatever he wants, is what he is telling me. I trust him but not his friends.