Has Anyone Been Friendless

I used to have friends. I think a big part of the reason why iv always had trouble making and keeping friends is that I don't give into peer pressure....I don't do all the stupid shit everyone is doing just because EVERYONE is doing it...im not subservient enough...Iv always been like that even before i understood what subservient even meant way back when i was a little kid...idk why I'm like that.

I suppose according to the definition that most people go by, I've never had a real friend.
In order to make a friend, two things would need to happen. First is find someone who is willing to give me the benefit of the doubt, and try to get to know me. These people are out there. I've met some of them.
Next I need to make myself believe that I'm worth knowing. This part is what always trips me up.
I've been in a few situations that could have lead to a real friendship. The negative thoughts crept in, and I inevitably decided that I'm not worth the time and effort they put in. So I start pushing them away and ignoring them.
It sucks to know that my inability to form a connection with anyone is entirely my own fault.

I've been almost friendless for over 10 years. I don't know how to explain properly but the few friends I've had weren't very close, they're almost like good acquaintances.:sad:

I had no troubles making friends until a few years ago. Now its mostly business contacts and that's it. I take responsibility for most of it, since I got tired of so much partying and heavy drinking not to mention that many of them got married and I was focused on my work like never before and got tired of dating. Then I went full hermit mode.

I had one good friend in my last job, that was almost like a brother to me. But since both of us are very competitive and stubborn we would eventually end up fighting, sometimes infront of my boss. Sometimes I feel a little ungrateful after what he did for me, but he also made his mistakes. But I really hope he is doing well now.

These days I do my best to at least keep in touch with some of them through FB. Trying to fix my hermit days as much as I can.But ironically, i still think that social media is one of the main reasons friendships don't last much these days.

I have lost many friends for different reasons. Some of them I don't know anymore. Some of them I'm still in contact with, but they used to be more like real friends ... but the friendships faded out because we grew apart, or we no longer live in the same place and it became too difficult to stay close friends.

With some people, it became difficult to stay friends because I always had so much anxiety and difficulty being around their other friends (or their families efter they married and had children.) I've experienced that most people always expect u to also hang out with their other friends and it drives me nuts because I rarely feel at ease being with more than one person at a time.
Or being invited to a friend's birthday party or something, I just sit there awkwardly, wishing I was alone with the person that invited me, and I get sadder and sadder and everybody else have a great time and I'm the alien stranger that should just go home. That's how it goes every single time I accept an invitation. That can put a strain on a friendship, sadly.

I'm allergic to shallow smalltalk and hanging out with people that I don't feel a connection to. I just can't. That kind of socializing just makes me feel more lonely and lost.

I currently don't consider anyone my friend irl, because to me, a friend is someone I can get in touch with and not feel awkward about, and not feel like we've become strangers to each other, which is how I feel about everybody these days.
I feel nervous about contacting anyone. And I feel awkward if I hang out with anyone, I feel a huge distance between me and anyone I'm with.
And this is related to me having an attachment disorder, caused by an unsafe childhood and parents that I never had much of an emotional connection with. I don't trust people's intentions. I feel like I'm always going to be let down or left out in the cold.
I can't get close to people. I feel nervous and sad when I'm with someone because I feel like there is no strong connection, which is what I'm longing for.

I constantly compare myself to people; like, he/she has all these supportive family members and friends, and I don't. Or he/she has this meaningful life and I don't.

I used to think that the solution was to meet people who could potentially become my friends. Likeminded people. People who are interested in some of the things I'm interested in. People who face some of the same issues. But no. It never works out. I long for connection, but I feel like an awkward stranger. I'm doomed. I've given up. It never works out. I am friendless.

I haven't had a friend since I was 13. I'm 50 now.

With the exception of my family, my boyfriend and the few people I talk to online ever now and again, I have no friends. Haven't had any since I was 16.

I haven't had any tangible, human friends since 2006, I think.

It gets harder to make friends as you get older because people allow their labels, career, family to define them more and more. It's almost impossible to be friends with for example anyone with kids if you don't have any at a certain age. Or if your self employed and someone works for the govt there is zero way to connect with them on any level. Was a bit easier in school because we all had the same location and schedules. I honestly don't put too much stock in friendships. I have been burned so many times by people. No one really cares about anyone but themselves is what you discover about people. That is the ugly truth...and they all have agendas. No one listens either. I am the best listener to past friends and no one has ever done that for me. That should be the most important value a friend has, right? When you listen to someone it means you are taking the time to care. What else is the point in calling someone a friend? Also no one wants to talk about anything real. My last friend was a65 yr old cowboy. I really don't get along with people my age or gender. So nope, I have no friends anymore. I gave up trying. I get more from being my own friend and animals fill the void people as friends have left. I'd rather hang out with my dog he doesn't stab me in the back, or fake interest.

I would really like a few close friends. Just a few people maybe 2-3 whom we don't pressure each other, understand and enjoy each others company. Hang out once in a while.
I used to have that core group of mates but we all drifted apart when we hit our 20's.
(by that I mean we moved to different places).

Having friends can make a huge difference to ones life. Sometimes I don't think I'll ever reconnect with people that way though. It might be a trust issue on my part I think.

MollyBeGood said:

I have been burned so many times by people. No one really cares about anyone but themselves is what you discover about people. That is the ugly truth...and they all have agendas. No one listens either.

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I wouldn't say everyone has hidden agendas or cares about themselves. Yes, there are a lot of people like that, but not everyone is the same.

I bet there are some pretty decent people using this site for example :thumbup:

MollyBeGood said:

It gets harder to make friends as you get older because people allow their labels, career, family to define them more and more. It's almost impossible to be friends with for example anyone with kids if you don't have any at a certain age. Or if your self employed and someone works for the govt there is zero way to connect with them on any level. Was a bit easier in school because we all had the same location and schedules. I honestly don't put too much stock in friendships. I have been burned so many times by people. No one really cares about anyone but themselves is what you discover about people. That is the ugly truth...and they all have agendas. No one listens either. I am the best listener to past friends and no one has ever done that for me. That should be the most important value a friend has, right? When you listen to someone it means you are taking the time to care. What else is the point in calling someone a friend? Also no one wants to talk about anything real. My last friend was a65 yr old cowboy. I really don't get along with people my age or gender. So nope, I have no friends anymore. I gave up trying. I get more from being my own friend and animals fill the void people as friends have left. I'd rather hang out with my dog he doesn't stab me in the back, or fake interest.

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I agree with all of this! I guess when you reach the age that we are you get burned so many times that you start to see how the world really is and it is very self-obsessed.

Also you hit the nail on the head about people allowing their professions define them as they age. I always thought that is such a shame because you only live once and these people want their whole existence to be defined by something like that?

I've lost my friends because they have all "settled down" into nice, little socially compliant lives, and I'm still quirky and weird and a somewhat free spirit and that makes people uneasy. They don't understand it and they don't like it. Oh well...

I haven't made a friend since high school, but a few of the people I knew back then still keep in touch.

Those are the best friends anyway... besides, making friends as an adult is sooooooooooooooooooooo weird.

I attended a school where I didn't fit, so that made me feel bad, I wanted to have tons of friends. I met my friends the last year , it's just not easy for me to make friends, I'm such a lonely person and I like it. Currently I'm developing better social skills.

More than a few friends have shown me over time that they were never really my friends and I'd rather stay to myself than constantly be used and stabbed in the back. I'm not totally closed off but it's not easy for me to trust at this point.

I have three online-only friends. One I exchange words with almost every day, the other two are more casual or on/off. Haven't had IRL friend for... 9 years.

Zaki said:

More than a few friends have shown me over time that they were never really my friends and I'd rather stay to myself than constantly be used and stabbed in the back. I'm not totally closed off but it's not easy for me to trust at this point.

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Yep, me too. Though, ah've constantly been told I'm freak, weird and anti-social to the point that ah dinnae see tha point makin' friends anymore. Plus people tend to take an instant dislike to me.

I can not say with total confidence that I have no friends, but I have not had any house visitors for many years. Having been thru patches where I have felt isolated and then had patches where I feel wanted - or at least regarded, the difference has been entirely due to me. About the best way of putting it is; juveniles have friends because life is free and friends don't mean much either way. Adults don't have friends, they only know people who posses an intrinsic value - they just 'say' they have friends.
When I have had the chance to socialize with people I have just met (new friends) it is rapidly obvious how social interaction has moved on since the last time I had friends - yes, my social interaction marks the passing of epochs. Well, to be blunt, if I wanted to spend the evening with the enchanting couple it would have ended at my place with the two of them. I politely said I was leaving and what lovely people they were (much to their heckling). I felt like an angel as I walked from the bar.
As to the subject of being a recluse, I am of the opinion that if your social life has hit a brick wall, don't fight it but accept it. Then live your life until some chance event opens it up again. Keep your self respect. Ducks, geese and swans love you for your bread rolls.

I had the occasional friend during my school years but I don't have any friends in my adult years and that includes boyfriends (I'm a chick) because I've never had any of those either
God that makes me sound like such a loser.

I've met some great people when I have reached out, and I wish I was better and communicating my appreciation of their kindness.

But for the most part I have found the world of people to be a hostile place. It's the anger and hostility I don't understand, I never even asked to be loved, I would've settled on not being noticed, it's the anger, the bullying, the teasing that I never could understand, and why I still don't trust people.