Has your social anxiety decreased with age?

bsammy said:

this is simply mental magic..i could also think the same way as you do but then id be lying to myself..ive tried living the lie and it doesnt work, i see through my own dogma..

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It is only a slight shift in percerption, Bsammy. I think you will find it is your anxiety feeding your mind a lie. The only way to test the dogma the anxiety is feeding you and making your life a misery is by testing it through making an effort.

Its is getting worse every year. But I am only 17 years old, so I like to think that it may get beter when I am in my twenties.

Not really, my baseline anxiety levels are still the same as they were five years ago unfortunately.

Lots of agreeing but also a lot of contrary statements.

Kiwong said:

It is only a slight shift in percerption, Bsammy. I think you will find it is your anxiety feeding your mind a lie. The only way to test the dogma the anxiety is feeding you and making your life a misery is by testing it through making an effort.

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lol i make efforts daily..your comment is silly..keep believing in the hocus pocus though if it works for ya..i just hope you didnt pay a shrink or therapist to feed you that trickery..

bsammy said:

lol i make efforts daily..your comment is silly..keep believing in the hocus pocus though if it works for ya..i just hope you didnt pay a shrink or therapist to feed you that trickery..

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There's no trickery. I am living. You chose to respond to my comments and suggest that I am enduring or existing. Anything but. It's not hocus pocus it's testing the irrational assumptions the anxiety is feeding me.

I'll keep living. Good luck with the efforts you are making.

bsammy said:

yeah but thats basically just 'enduring' or existing..not much of a life if you ask me..living with neuroses or anxiety is just useless..i can try to trick my mind into thinking living with this disorder is better than living as a paraplegic as it is, but its only mental magic..my life at the end of the day is still very sub-standard, its not even a life tbh..

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I really winced when I read the comparison to being paraplegic... theres so many things wrong with that, I think youre grossly misinformed ...I wouldnt even know where to start...

Ill say this; everybody has to work on their sh.it whatever their cross may be.

Somebody who has lost the use of their legs has to work much harder to get around, they need a lot of physio and occupational therapy to help them gain back their independance. They need to build upperbody strength to help them maneuvre. They need wheelchair which means they have access difficulty pretty much everywhere they go. They have to work really really hard to live a 'normal' life. And the public never ever let them forget that theyre in a wheelchair, people stare and act differently. The point is the work and effort that is required to rehabilitate is colossal. People go on to live their lives no different to anyone else.


If you want to overcome your difficulties in life you have to work at it and keep at it.
Everybody can overcome their difficulties, it takes work and often outside help and medical treatment and sometimes a whole team.


On a sidenote, I think the reason people report improvement in their 30s is because of this personal development and learning to look after themselves and manage their crosses. It seems to be that in most people it peaks early-mid 20s andthen tapers off.
Having said that, if you don't take steps, you could live to 100 and never see a difference.
keep trying
"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better."
Samuel Beckett

its increased with age, mainly cause i got used to being alone and not used to talk with other people

bottom line, the reason i think people report their social anxiety getting better with age is because they feel less pressure to socialize and they have come to some sort of acceptance within themselves that they will never be mr extrovert and thats the way it will be..

kiwong-honest question, if you are truly living, how do you manage to have such an insanely high post count?again, i guess our views of what "living" is is very different.. thats where we are not seeing eye to eye i think..

bsammy said:

bottom line, the reason i think people report their social anxiety getting better with age is because they feel less pressure to socialize and they have come to some sort of acceptance within themselves that they will never be mr extrovert and thats the way it will be..

kiwong-honest question, if you are truly living, how do you manage to have such an insanely high post count?again, i guess our views of what "living" is is very different.. thats where we are not seeing eye to eye i think..

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I don't understand this :idontknow:

You are very unhappy in your life, you hold a belief that this will never change.

Kiwong is happy.

You are trying to convince him that he's not really happy just his expectations have lessened.

Consider the possibility that kiwong is not wrong/disillusioned/brainwashed. Consider that Kiwong is happy.

If what you're doing isn't working and what someone else is doing is working, why are you so sure that they are wrong? :idontknow:


EDIT: On reflection I might sound a bit arrogant and self righteous. Allow me to explain; we joined around the same time and I have read a lot of your posts, related to what you were saying. I would just really like things to go in a good direction for you and I'm probably a little pushy disagreeing with you in this thread...but that's just because I'd like to shout at you that all is not lost and life can be very good, you just need to find a new strategy to make it work for you.

Hellhound said:

It decreased with treatment.

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Tell me what treatment, please!

By the way, I love Joule's quote: "There's no art to find the mind's construction in the face." So Shakespeare was not a behaviorist?

Earthcircle said:

By the way, I love Joule's quote: "There's no art to find the mind's construction in the face." So Shakespeare was not a behaviorist?

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thank you - well I'll have to give Shakespeare the credit but it is my favourite because I like how he uses his words good Must admit I'm not informed as to what it means to be a behaviourist but if it is how it sounds, I totally get it and I guess he wasn't :bigsmile:

joule said:

I don't understand this :idontknow:

You are very unhappy in your life, you hold a belief that this will never change.

Kiwong is happy.

You are trying to convince him that he's not really happy just his expectations have lessened.

Consider the possibility that kiwong is not wrong/disillusioned/brainwashed. Consider that Kiwong is happy.

If what you're doing isn't working and what someone else is doing is working, why are you so sure that they are wrong? :idontknow:


EDIT: On reflection I might sound a bit arrogant and self righteous. Allow me to explain; we joined around the same time and I have read a lot of your posts, related to what you were saying. I would just really like things to go in a good direction for you and I'm probably a little pushy disagreeing with you in this thread...but that's just because I'd like to shout at you that all is not lost and life can be very good, you just need to find a new strategy to make it work for you.

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lol no, read his other posts, he is trying to convince himself he is happy with the way his life is...ive seen many others like him on this forum..why would you frequent this forum if you are so busy living it up?its an honest question that needs answering..im a realist, ive seen many people on this board try and convince themselves they are happy being a recluse or hermit or whatever and the reality is, they arent...again, mental magic..sometimes it may just work

bsammy said:

lol no, read his other posts, he is trying to convince himself he is happy with the way his life is...ive seen many others like him on this forum..why would you frequent this forum if you are so busy living it up?its an honest question that needs answering..im a realist, ive seen many people on this board try and convince themselves they are happy being a recluse or hermit or whatever and the reality is, they arent...again, mental magic..sometimes it may just work

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I get what you're saying completely, and for the most part I agree with you. A lot of people convince themselves they're fine with being alone because they can't handle feeling so miserable. It's sour grapes - "I don't need people ANYWAY!"

However, I think it's silly to try to tell someone how they really feel. If Kiwong claims he is happy, how can you really say otherwise? So what if he has a high post count? People can't be an active member of a forum and still have an active life? And who says a happy life means being constantly busy - maybe he enjoys having down time on the computer a lot, and it contributes to his feeling of happiness?

I think maybe it's not happiness so much as he loves life and while he struggles a lot, he values the life he has and finds happiness in the things he enjoys about it. Sorry to analyze your posts, kiwong, by the way.

bsammy said:

lol no, read his other posts, he is trying to convince himself he is happy with the way his life is...ive seen many others like him on this forum..why would you frequent this forum if you are so busy living it up?its an honest question that needs answering..im a realist, ive seen many people on this board try and convince themselves they are happy being a recluse or hermit or whatever and the reality is, they arent...again, mental magic..sometimes it may just work

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I'm happier now than I used to be, but it doesn't mean anxiety and depression are magically gone. I'm "living it up," whatever that means, too. I'm doing what I can to live a better life.

However, I'm also aware of the atrocities going on around me. War, murder, violence, theft, pollution, and so on. While all of that sucks, I try not to let it get to me. Why bother? There's lots of good things to enjoy.

If that is "mental magic," so be it. It makes me happy. It makes Kiwong happy.

You might be surprised at how happy you may turn out in years to come. In my teenage and early 20's, I never thought I could ever find happiness. Now I'm at uni and I have a girlfriend and looking to finally move out and get a better job. So I'm trying to improve.

Yet anxiety and (especially) depression stick around.

Mental magic. :thumbup:

bsammy said:

lol no, read his other posts, he is trying to convince himself he is happy with the way his life is...ive seen many others like him on this forum..why would you frequent this forum if you are so busy living it up?its an honest question that needs answering..im a realist, ive seen many people on this board try and convince themselves they are happy being a recluse or hermit or whatever and the reality is, they arent...again, mental magic..sometimes it may just work

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You're really clinging onto that belief.

Have you seen this? Its a tedtalk. Dan Gilbert 'The surprising science of happiness' Its fantastic and a must see.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q1dgn_C0AU

I am happy on more than the odd occasion. I do enjoy my life, like this morning at Cross Country running. This last 6 years has been some of the best years of my life, I am being honest when I say that. It's the truth, I don't need to convince myself or justify this to anyone. I'm 51, and fear losing what I have, I don't take it for granted anymore

I was only suggesting things that have worked for me. I suppose I should keep my advice to myself. I speak for myself, not anyone else.

I recognise my anxiety as a pattern of thoughts, sometimes I have been able to challenge those thoughts and turn them on their head to the positive. It isn't magic, it using the power of the mind in a different way.

I never dreamed what I wrote would elicit such an aggrieved and angry response.

Kiwong said:

I am happy on more than the odd occasion. I do enjoy my life, like this morning at Cross Country running. This last 6 years has been some of the best years of my life, I am being honest when I say that. It's the truth, I don't need to convince myself or justify this to anyone. I'm 51, and fear losing what I have, I don't take it for granted anymore

I was only suggesting things that have worked for me. I suppose I should keep my advice to myself. I speak for myself, not anyone else.

I recognise my anxiety as a pattern of thoughts, sometimes I have been able to challenge those thoughts and turn them on their head to the positive. It isn't magic, it using the power of the mind in a different way.

I never dreamed what I wrote would elicit such an aggrieved and angry response.

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Please don't keep your advice to yourself, your words go somewhere, youve inspired me on a hundred different threads since I joined. I look forward to hearing your take on things kiwong.:thumbup:

An honest question that needs answering? OK, here you go, this is exactly how I have been living. Now someone might complain I am big noting myself. Maybe I need to update my resume.

I have run a marathon, I have run an ultra marathon

I've run in over twenty half marathons best time 87:59, 5 City to Surfs, numerous 10km and 5km race, winning my age group on a regular basis.

In the big city races I usually finish in the top 2 percent of all runners, and I am 51 years old. I've run under 40 minutes for 10km five times.

I run 70-90km a week.

I've beaten panic disorder, I've beaten knee pain and haemochromatosis, I taught myself two swim as an adult, despite a life long fear of water. I did all this on my own.

I've won medals at Australian Masters Athletics, NSW Masters Athletics

I've discovered three new plant species. I 've the mapped the vegetation of three local Government areas.

Last year I spent two weeks last on Lord Howe Island mapping the vegetation. I am working on a paper that will be published scientific literature.

I've raised over $4000 for breast cancer research and beyond blue charities through the Everday Hero charity.

In my work I have contributed to the conservation of biodiversity on the Western Slopes, Tablelands and coast, protecting threatened ecosystems through the purchase and protection of land in a large number of reserves.

I have web pages for landscape and seascape photography.

I am a Professional photographer. A local beachscape gallery has asked to hang my photos, and if they sell them they get a commission.

I've been published in the Botanical literature.

I have had my speculative fiction published in print and online.

I also have a high post count on the Cool Running Australia website and Runners World USA.

I like my own company.

I've lost count of the times I have been happy this last few years. But most often sitting on headland at dusk, finishing a long run or race, photographing wildflowers, enjoying nature.

I've lived, finally there is a story to my life.