Hating others, who are having fun

Daniel089 · 07-13-2012

I think my life has now become a big tragedy. My life is a game is where I'm the main character, and I can only lose, no other options.
Even if others do find my problems and my depression pretty ridiciolus, I feel lost like no other person on this planet.

Let me tell you about what happened this day:
From morning till afternoon I was in front of my PC as usual, then I packed my stuff, because in the evening I take the train, to my family's summer house near a lake. Before that I had this appointment with a psychotherapist. I told her about 85% of what I wanted to, in the end I said originally I was thinking about CBT. Then she said it is a very good idea, and gave me 3 names with 3 telephone numbers. In the end I wanted to pay, but she said I own her nothing, because we have no "contract". Well I'm gonna start CBT, but I don't know if I should try group therapy or individual therapy. I'm gonna leave the decision to the expert.

After this I took the train. When I arrived in the town my mom and her friend were already waiting for me. So we ate ice cream in the town centre where other people were just dancing, having fun, with lots of people even younger than me, lots of couples etc. It just completely made me depressed, that they are having fun. I just completely lost my mind, and wasn't keen on talking with my mom. I f'd up my life so bad I feel there is no place for me here anymore, because other people have a weird, unexplainable and detrimental effect on me. Instead of living the life, asking the girls to dance with me, having loads of fun with buddies, etc. I'm talking to my mom and her friend (who I do know for a long time now)
This caused a giant depression for me today, and I was having so much sorrow inside, mixed with self-pity it was pretty easy for me to begin to cry.

You may wonder why I just don't get to know people, is that so hard? No it isnt't hard for me, it is just simple impossible... (right now?) :(

da_illest101 · 07-14-2012

I had that problem during weddings. Everyone drink and dance, me I'm in my corner looking at them. I simply not interested in drinking or dancing. The only way I ended up doing this was because people pushed me. Instead of fighting like I usually do I just gave in. I sure know how to fake enjoying myself lol

I think I'm jealous of what people consider fun. Things that I like to do are always consider boring by others. I wonder how life would be if the things that I enjoy was things that everyone enjoyed instead of calling me boring. I think that just made me a bitter guy that simply forgot what having *fun* is and lost his smile

Bustn Justin · 07-14-2012

I don't hate them. I hate myself for not being able to have fun with them.

Foxface · 07-14-2012

Sometimes, I want to get back at people, becuase they don't realise how lucky they are and most them hate me or will if they knew me,

Are we having fun yet?

SoScared · 07-14-2012

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daniel089

I think my life has now become a big tragedy. My life is a game is where I'm the main character, and I can only lose, no other options.
Even if others do find my problems and my depression pretty ridiciolus, I feel lost like no other person on this planet.

Let me tell you about what happened this day:
From morning till afternoon I was in front of my PC as usual, then I packed my stuff, because in the evening I take the train, to my family's summer house near a lake. Before that I had this appointment with a psychotherapist. I told her about 85% of what I wanted to, in the end I said originally I was thinking about CBT. Then she said it is a very good idea, and gave me 3 names with 3 telephone numbers. In the end I wanted to pay, but she said I own her nothing, because we have no "contract". Well I'm gonna start CBT, but I don't know if I should try group therapy or individual therapy. I'm gonna leave the decision to the expert.

After this I took the train. When I arrived in the town my mom and her friend were already waiting for me. So we ate ice cream in the town centre where other people were just dancing, having fun, with lots of people even younger than me, lots of couples etc. It just completely made me depressed, that they are having fun. I just completely lost my mind, and wasn't keen on talking with my mom. I f'd up my life so bad I feel there is no place for me here anymore, because other people have a weird, unexplainable and detrimental effect on me. Instead of living the life, asking the girls to dance with me, having loads of fun with buddies, etc. I'm talking to my mom and her friend who I do know from when I was very small.
This caused a giant depression for me today, and I was having so much sorrow inside, mixed with self-pity it was pretty easy for me to begin to cry.

You may wonder why I just don't get to know people, is that so hard? No it isnt't hard for me, it is just simple impossible... (right now?) :(

I am pleased that you visited the psychotherapist and seem to have decided on a course of action (group or one to one). As regards the rest of your post. Well yeah, some things aren’t great for you right now but you have recognised this and are being pro-active about it. CBT is a very effective treatment.

Daniel089 · 07-14-2012

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bustn Justin

I don't hate them. I hate myself for not being able to have fun with them.

The title is misleading, I don't hate them really I just hate myself, but what I feel is anger when I see others for sure. I got a feeling yesterday: why on earth am I not one of them? How did I f%!# up everything???

Daniel089 · 07-14-2012

For example if I had a girlfriend, dancing would be something I would like to do perhaps. If I had friends or met some girls I would dance with them but probably because of friends' persuasion only. If I had the ability to be social, then I'd have the guts to even do some crazy stuff.
As you can see there are so much "if" sadly...

Waybuloo · 07-14-2012

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoScared

I am pleased that you visited the psychotherapist and seem to have decided on a course of action (group or one to one). As regards the rest of your post. Well yeah, some things aren’t great for you right now but you have recognised this and are being pro-active about it. CBT is a very effective treatment.

Correction, CBT can be a very effective treatment, not is.

karl:-/ · 07-14-2012

Id never hate the fact people are having fun.. the feeling is more like I'm missing out.. that's only down to my HH..

JRT · 07-14-2012

If i see people having fun, i do get really depressed and feel jelous

i ask myself, why can't that be me?