Hating others, who are having fun

Daniel089

Daniel089

Well-known member
I think my life has now become a big tragedy. My life is a game is where I'm the main character, and I can only lose, no other options.
Even if others do find my problems and my depression pretty ridiciolus, I feel lost like no other person on this planet.

Let me tell you about what happened this day:
From morning till afternoon I was in front of my PC as usual, then I packed my stuff, because in the evening I take the train, to my family's summer house near a lake. Before that I had this appointment with a psychotherapist. I told her about 85% of what I wanted to, in the end I said originally I was thinking about CBT. Then she said it is a very good idea, and gave me 3 names with 3 telephone numbers. In the end I wanted to pay, but she said I own her nothing, because we have no "contract". Well I'm gonna start CBT, but I don't know if I should try group therapy or individual therapy. I'm gonna leave the decision to the expert.

After this I took the train. When I arrived in the town my mom and her friend were already waiting for me. So we ate ice cream in the town centre where other people were just dancing, having fun, with lots of people even younger than me, lots of couples etc. It just completely made me depressed, that they are having fun. I just completely lost my mind, and wasn't keen on talking with my mom. I f'd up my life so bad I feel there is no place for me here anymore, because other people have a weird, unexplainable and detrimental effect on me. Instead of living the life, asking the girls to dance with me, having loads of fun with buddies, etc. I'm talking to my mom and her friend (who I do know for a long time now)
This caused a giant depression for me today, and I was having so much sorrow inside, mixed with self-pity it was pretty easy for me to begin to cry.

You may wonder why I just don't get to know people, is that so hard? No it isnt't hard for me, it is just simple impossible... (right now?) :(
 
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D

da_illest101

Well-known member
I had that problem during weddings. Everyone drink and dance, me I'm in my corner looking at them. I simply not interested in drinking or dancing. The only way I ended up doing this was because people pushed me. Instead of fighting like I usually do I just gave in. I sure know how to fake enjoying myself lol

I think I'm jealous of what people consider fun. Things that I like to do are always consider boring by others. I wonder how life would be if the things that I enjoy was things that everyone enjoyed instead of calling me boring. I think that just made me a bitter guy that simply forgot what having *fun* is and lost his smile
 
F

Foxface

Well-known member
Sometimes, I want to get back at people, becuase they don't realise how lucky they are and most them hate me or will if they knew me,

Are we having fun yet?
 
SoScared

SoScared

Well-known member
Daniel089 said:
I think my life has now become a big tragedy. My life is a game is where I'm the main character, and I can only lose, no other options.
Even if others do find my problems and my depression pretty ridiciolus, I feel lost like no other person on this planet.

Let me tell you about what happened this day:
From morning till afternoon I was in front of my PC as usual, then I packed my stuff, because in the evening I take the train, to my family's summer house near a lake. Before that I had this appointment with a psychotherapist. I told her about 85% of what I wanted to, in the end I said originally I was thinking about CBT. Then she said it is a very good idea, and gave me 3 names with 3 telephone numbers. In the end I wanted to pay, but she said I own her nothing, because we have no "contract". Well I'm gonna start CBT, but I don't know if I should try group therapy or individual therapy. I'm gonna leave the decision to the expert.

After this I took the train. When I arrived in the town my mom and her friend were already waiting for me. So we ate ice cream in the town centre where other people were just dancing, having fun, with lots of people even younger than me, lots of couples etc. It just completely made me depressed, that they are having fun. I just completely lost my mind, and wasn't keen on talking with my mom. I f'd up my life so bad I feel there is no place for me here anymore, because other people have a weird, unexplainable and detrimental effect on me. Instead of living the life, asking the girls to dance with me, having loads of fun with buddies, etc. I'm talking to my mom and her friend who I do know from when I was very small.
This caused a giant depression for me today, and I was having so much sorrow inside, mixed with self-pity it was pretty easy for me to begin to cry.

You may wonder why I just don't get to know people, is that so hard? No it isnt't hard for me, it is just simple impossible... (right now?) :(
Click to expand...
I am pleased that you visited the psychotherapist and seem to have decided on a course of action (group or one to one). As regards the rest of your post. Well yeah, some things aren’t great for you right now but you have recognised this and are being pro-active about it. CBT is a very effective treatment.
 
Daniel089

Daniel089

Well-known member
Bustn Justin said:
I don't hate them. I hate myself for not being able to have fun with them.
Click to expand...

The title is misleading, I don't hate them really I just hate myself, but what I feel is anger when I see others for sure. I got a feeling yesterday: why on earth am I not one of them? How did I f%!# up everything???
 
Daniel089

Daniel089

Well-known member
For example if I had a girlfriend, dancing would be something I would like to do perhaps. If I had friends or met some girls I would dance with them but probably because of friends' persuasion only. If I had the ability to be social, then I'd have the guts to even do some crazy stuff.
As you can see there are so much "if" sadly...
 
Waybuloo

Waybuloo

Well-known member
SoScared said:
I am pleased that you visited the psychotherapist and seem to have decided on a course of action (group or one to one). As regards the rest of your post. Well yeah, some things aren’t great for you right now but you have recognised this and are being pro-active about it. CBT is a very effective treatment.
Click to expand...

Correction, CBT can be a very effective treatment, not is.
 
karl:-/

karl:-/

Well-known member
Id never hate the fact people are having fun.. the feeling is more like I'm missing out.. that's only down to my HH..
 
J

JRT

Active member
If i see people having fun, i do get really depressed and feel jelous::(: i ask myself, why can't that be me?::(:
 
Daniel089

Daniel089

Well-known member
JRT said:
If i see people having fun, i do get really depressed and feel jelous::(: i ask myself, why can't that be me?::(:
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Exactly the same, I just told everything with details too. But I think I have taken this kind of depression and envy to a grand master level :\
 
iheartyou

iheartyou

New member
da_illest101 said:
I had that problem during weddings. Everyone drink and dance, me I'm in my corner looking at them. I simply not interested in drinking or dancing. The only way I ended up doing this was because people pushed me. Instead of fighting like I usually do I just gave in. I sure know how to fake enjoying myself lol

I think I'm jealous of what people consider fun. Things that I like to do are always consider boring by others. I wonder how life would be if the things that I enjoy was things that everyone enjoyed instead of calling me boring. I think that just made me a bitter guy that simply forgot what having *fun* is and lost his smile
Click to expand...

I completely agree with this and it's just about the same way I feel.

I got invited to go to a scary haunted house walkthrough thing, but I don't know how I feel about going. Part of me wants to because I'll regret missing out, but the other part of me is fighting it because I shouldn't be having fun with others. It's an absolute nightmare. I need to be talked into doing things or people just need to surprise me (just drive me to the place without telling me) or else I'll think about it too much. I have serious issues on making myself have fun :(
 
Sacrament

Sacrament

Well-known member
The only way not to feel bitter about people who are having fun when you're not is to make peace with yourself and get on with living. Life seriously doesn't wait, and you don't want to wait until it's late to do all the things you could have done.

Make a complete assessment of how your life is right now, and on the other side of the list make note of all the things you wish were different, all the things you wish you could and should do (and not things you want to happen to you magically). Then take a deep breath, make peace with how things are right now, and just get living.

If you do every little thing focusing on how others will feel about you, you won't have fun doing anything.
 
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PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
It's difficult seeing yourself becoming better when life seems really bad for you/us.

myself, I don't hate people for having fun. I tend to wonder how they can be so 'socially normal'.. like, where is that part of my brain? Its like its just not there. I usually feel a real social disconnect which makes it hard for me to genuinely relate on a personal level.

I have learnt something though. You see, I don't want to remain isolated and unhappy for my entire life. So I continually work on myself. Even if it doesn't work, in the end at least I will know I tried.

So, I have learnt that when people notice the other person is socially uncomfortable, it makes them uncomfortable. It makes for disconnected, stuttering and hesitant conversation - from both ends.

It ends up becoming the anxiety sufferers self fulfilling prophecy.

I personally have made some good progress in this area through CBT and practicing this in the work place.
Start with the smallest things. A greeting. Greet someone with a friendly hello as you pass them by, then leave it at that. Don't expect anything else, don't ruminate about it, don't stress about it.

If you MUST ruminate about it, say to yourself 'ok, I'm going to give myself 3 minutes to go over it in my mind, then I'm letting it go'.

Practice this technique. Over time you can learn not to worry about things so much - including feeling awkward around others. Soon greetings will be more relaxed, then you work on small talk. Use lightweight comments such as 'nice weather today'.

You can improve. Absolutely you can.
But its up to you to do so.
You can board the ship of help, but you must be the Captain and steer it out of those troubled waters.
 
Alienated

Alienated

Well-known member
I Have gone forth into the wilderness, and survived the ravaging of the preditors in the simi-existing remnants of what we percieved to be humanity. Only to return to my Den of Solitude, take a deep breath and SCREAM out loud..."Screw that CRAP, Don't do that again !!!!

They are crazier than ME !!
 
Mittzu

Mittzu

Member
so am i, seeing people having fun make me a little sad, sometimes gruesome =/
 
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Sacrament

Sacrament

Well-known member
My teacher Trungpa Rinpoche encouraged us to lead our lives as an experiment, a suggestion that has been very important to me. When we approach life as an experiment we are willing to approach it this way and that way because, either way, we have nothing to lose.

This immense flexibility is something I learned from watching Trungpa Rinpoche. His enthusiasm enabled him to accomplish and amazing amount in his life. When some things didn’t work out, Rinpoche’s attitude was ‘it’s no big deal.’ If it’s time for something to flourish, it will; if it’s not time, it won’t.

The trick is not getting caught in hope and fear. We can put our whole heart into whatever we do; but if we freeze our attitude for or against, we’re setting ourselves up for stress. Instead, we could just go forward with curiosity, wondering where this experiment will lead.
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- Pema Chodron
 
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