Have you ever felt like you dont deserve something

JCVA

Well-known member
I mean like you don't deserve to go out with a particular woman even though there is a possibility. You make up some excuse to yourself that it wont work out even though you haven't tried.

I always get this feeling whenever I want to ask out someone. I always think of the future and how someday it wont work out. So in the end, I don't ask her on a date.

Also there other stuff like I dont deserve that job, that way of lifestyle, etc. I hate being like this. I'm on my way of recovering but this is one of the things thats blocking my way to a new life. I can't bring myself to "deserve" something or someone.

Anyone else like this? How do you cope with it?
 

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
I don't believe I deserve anything unless I've worked hard for it--- and I don't really feel that I work very hard, ever; thus, I don't feel like I deserve anything I have.

I'm not sure how to deal with it, honestly.
Sorry I'm no help.
haha
 

Silatuyok

Well-known member
YES.

I've been feeling exactly this way lately, in fact. All of a sudden I look around me and I have all these nice things. I've always been poor and now all of a sudden I have things that it doesn't feel like I've earned. Like I said in another thread, the only thing I can do now is work hard to take care of all those nice things, and take care of the person who made them possible, and always always always be appreciative.

I think that, so long as you appreciate something you have and respect it and treat it well, then you deserve it as much as anyone. :)
 

pop-princess

Well-known member
I can completely relate to that JCVA. That's why I often stay back if there is some guy that I like or applying for some job that I feel is too good for me. I just feel like I can't live up to the expectations.

I've become a lot better with my SA (mainly the social bit) but those self-loathing thoughts are still there and I need to fight with them a lot.
 

Tiercel

Well-known member
I mean like you don't deserve to go out with a particular woman even though there is a possibility. You make up some excuse to yourself that it wont work out even though you haven't tried.

I usually don't wait to see if there's a possibility. But instead of thinking that I don't deserve her, I think that she deserves someone much better than me. And I remain alone. ;)

I have been trying not to think like that, though, because the only way to find out if you deserve her or not is to let her decide. Yes, that opens up the very real possibility of rejection. But it is infinitely better to know that you tried but things didn't work out than it is to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have happened if you only acted.
 

fitftw

Well-known member
to answer the topic question, ALWAYS. I don't deserve anything, I'm just a miserable lowly human life form.
 

emre43

Well-known member
I adored (and still do) a girl that I will likely never see again. But told myself that I didn't deserve her because she was just so marvellous and wonderful...sigh...how I miss her...
 

Flowers-Of-Bloom

Well-known member
Yeah totally, especially in the romance department. If a guy that I liked asked me out, I would probably turn him down (actually, I'd probably be too afraid to say no) because I don't feel worthy and honestly no one wants to be with a mentally ill/socially retarded person like me when there are so many normal girls out there that are much prettier than I am. I'd just complicate things with my insecurity and avoidance issues. No one wants that.
Same thing applies to jobs, friendship, anything really. The main reason I feel unworthy is because of my diagnosis which makes me feel like I'm going to screw up and people are going to eventually notice there's something wrong with me.

/vent

I don't know how to cope with that sort of thinking. Wish I did, but this sort of thing probably requires professional intervention or something. Sorry, I really wish I could help.
 

Silatuyok

Well-known member
I used to do something that my therapist thought was really weird. Whenever I was dating someone, I would imagine what kind of girl I thought they should be with. Someone much more suitable for them than I could ever be. But, when I met my current boyfriend, for the first time I couldn't imagine him with any other person. So, I guess if you meet the right person some day, maybe you will come to realize how much you two deserve each other.
Just a thought.
 

Pookah

Well-known member
Well when it comes to guys I basically assume I am not what they want. Not pretty enough or interesting enough. And so I think to myself how absurd it would be to expect them to be interested. Picturing a scenario where someone like me was with them is a joke.

Maybe it is not that I don't deserve anyone it is that realistically someone I like wouldn't even consider me.
 

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
Maybe it is not that I don't deserve anyone it is that realistically someone I like wouldn't even consider me.
That makes me wonder how high you're setting your standards. And here I thought you were joking about mask-wearing, time-travelling ninjas...
 

razzle dazzle rose

Well-known member
It is scary to want things. It raises the stakes, and I can get hurt.

I don't know about deserving...to me that sounds like I just want something for nothing. I know I have to work hard for the things I want...still convincing myself it will be worth it.

I used to do something that my therapist thought was really weird. Whenever I was dating someone, I would imagine what kind of girl I thought they should be with. Someone much more suitable for them than I could ever be. But, when I met my current boyfriend, for the first time I couldn't imagine him with any other person. So, I guess if you meet the right person some day, maybe you will come to realize how much you two deserve each other.
Just a thought.

OMG, this. Yes, me too. I would try and become that girl too and it would just be a big headache. I would never feel worthy. And like you mentioned, with my current boyfriend, I cannot imagine him being with someone else 'cause I only want him to be with me. Thank you for reminding me of this.

Well when it comes to guys I basically assume I am not what they want. Not pretty enough or interesting enough. And so I think to myself how absurd it would be to expect them to be interested. Picturing a scenario where someone like me was with them is a joke.

Maybe it is not that I don't deserve anyone it is that realistically someone I like wouldn't even consider me.

This is such a hard feeling to get over. I have felt the same as you for a long time. When I used to go out with my sister to nightlife activities like clubs and bars, all the guys would flock to her but I would never even be considered. It really sucked.
 

maybmental2

Active member
Yeah in a way, I think of it as fate though in the sense that I don't get to find someone because maybe something I've done in the past even something small might be the reason I don't get to be with somebody. And yes I have the same type of thoughts of the future and it won't work out in the end.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
I've always thought this topic was interesting. You can't tell me a guy who is quiet, kind and good person doesn't deserve a g/f to love, because he does.

What's interesting is that there are some bad guys out there who beat their spouses, cheat on their spouses, disrespect their g/f or commit crimes and yet, these same guys have a g/f to love. They don't deserve that g/f, yet, they have the g/f, and the good shy guy is left by himself.

It seems it doesn't matter whether a guy is a jerk or not, as long as he talks a decent amount, he can always have a g/f. On the other side, it seems it doesn't matter how good a guy is if he is shy enough, he will not get a g/f.
 

razzle dazzle rose

Well-known member
I've always thought this topic was interesting. You can't tell me a guy who is quiet, kind and good person doesn't deserve a g/f to love, because he does.

What's interesting is that there are some bad guys out there who beat their spouses, cheat on their spouses, disrespect their g/f or commit crimes and yet, these same guys have a g/f to love. They don't deserve that g/f, yet, they have the g/f, and the good shy guy is left by himself.

It seems it doesn't matter whether a guy is a jerk or not, as long as he talks a decent amount, he can always have a g/f. On the other side, it seems it doesn't matter how good a guy is if he is shy enough, he will not get a g/f.

Unfortunately communication is such an important component in a relationship. It can't begin without it. It can't last without it. Shy guys are deserving of love, and many shy types are in relationships. So it is possible.

Not all jerky guys are bad either. People have both good and bad in them. All of them.
 

Deus_Ex_Lemur

Well-known member
It's a mental block - for many different reasons. I got it too - it's a hard one to get over and passed. It's at the core of much of our issues.

But usually, 99% of the time, it's unrealistic and unfair and false stuff - why we believe we don't deserve someone or to be something or get something. One thing we all deserve is love on the most basic level - to be respected and have human dignity. But those basic things for many get denied.

But you have to do that with yourself first. Treat yourself with respect, then start believe you deserve some things. When you loathe yourself so much and low-esteem so low, we all need a helping hand, support, guidance. Even tho I've been back down in the dumps when I got further out before it wasn't alone. Sadly, can feel and really be so alone. BUT we aren't :)
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
I've thought about this before, and I figured out that although I deserve a g/f, and don't have one, there are other people that deserve even more important things than a g/f.

I saw a kind blind man on the bus. I heard him talk to people every day, and he sounds like a great person. He's respectful and intelligent. He deserves to see, but he can't. His problem is worse than mine.

I guess I learned the lesson in life that I was mad about, that people don't always get what they deserve. Now I understand that other people are being disappointed and not getting what they should have. The world is an unfair place.

It makes me feel a little better about not having a g/f. Other people have their problems too.
 

doubleM

Well-known member
actually i feel that i deserve a good chance with the women i show interest in. im not stupid, im not a loser, and im not a degenerate. i have a good sense of humor, im intelligent, im self reliant, i work hard, im polite. i also go to college and run my own small business. i am multi-skilled, multi-talented, and i can be very entertaining. physically im tall, muscular build, deep strong voice, dress well, clean cut. but usually the interest is not returned...for some strange unknown reason i cant figure out.

some say its a confidence issue. i have confidence in myself, i am capable of lots of things. everybody has some amount of confidence. in those aspects i listed about myself, i actually do feel a lot of self worth. i just dont walk around shaking it in people's faces in an arrogant manner.
my problem is that i look at a girl i find attractive and think "ah, she wouldnt talk to me."...and im probably right. its like there is some kind of wall there between me and them and i cant get through. my polite attempts at a conversation with them are usually met with passive replies and dodgy behavior. and these are just normal everyday women. then i am just left to wonder what i did wrong, whats wrong with me, what should i change about me, etc. also that thought of if she would just give me a chance...i swear. they judge me before they even know anything about me.

i feel that i deserve a good mate like i am. maybe im selfish, i dont know.
 
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razzle dazzle rose

Well-known member
I guess I learned the lesson in life that I was mad about, that people don't always get what they deserve. Now I understand that other people are being disappointed and not getting what they should have. The world is an unfair place.

I read something a few months back that gave me that same sort of epiphany you had: the world is not fair. It is a simple statement, and something we probably all realize, but it was something that had not clicked with me until I read it. All my life I experienced a lot of grief over things happening to me that were not fair, and why did it had to happen to me? I could have been a completely different person if I had not developed OCD. If I had had a normal childhood. The world is not fair. Simple as that really. And we just have to deal and make the best with what we do have. Like you mentioned, others do have it worse (of course we all experience our pain and have a right to that pain); it is good to put these things into perspective.
 
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