Have you ever had people on this site that wanted to date you?

I know this may seem like a weird question and I don't want to mention any usernames on here, but there have been a few guys I have been talking to on here who have seemed to think I want to date them or they want to have sex with me. I don't know if I'm sending mixed signals or that the guys don't have a relationship and they seem to consider that I would want to be in a relationship with them. I've even met one person who had severe depression, but confused me for wanting to have sex with him because I told him that I don't have friends or ever had sex with anyone. He kind of lied about saying he was 18 when really he was 16 and kind of threatened to kill himself on here. I told these guys that I wasn't interested in relationships, but some were even type in the sad face because of what I said. Can anyone help me on how to tell them in a more polite, but firm way of saying I don't want to go out with them without intentionally hurting their feelings? I don't think that some of these guys understand I'm still young and am not interested in relationships.

I think this post pretty much says how you feel about the subject.

What you said is what you say to them. You're young and not interested. If they can't take rejection, it's not you're fault. If they threaten to kill themselves, that's not your fault either.

Honesty is the key. What they do with that is not you're fault. If they can't seem to take the hint, I think removing yourself from their live might be a good choice. Stop talking to them. Just say you need to cut ties with them because they don't seem to understand you're not interested, and you don't want to give them false hope or something.

It's not really a question of how you say things. If you're clear about your (lack of) intentions, it's not up to you. You have to keep in mind that there are plenty of people here who are lonely and desperately crave attention/companionship. For some people in that situation, it doesn't take much to start thinking things that don't match reality.

I love lions said:

I know this may seem like a weird question and I don't want to mention any usernames on here, but there have been a few guys I have been talking to on here who have seemed to think I want to date them or they want to have sex with me. I don't know if I'm sending mixed signals or that the guys don't have a relationship and they seem to consider that I would want to be in a relationship with them. I've even met one person who had severe depression, but confused me for wanting to have sex with him because I told him that I don't have friends or ever had sex with anyone. He kind of lied about saying he was 18 when really he was 16 and kind of threatened to kill himself on here. I told these guys that I wasn't interested in relationships, but some were even type in the sad face because of what I said. Can anyone help me on how to tell them in a more polite, but firm way of saying I don't want to go out with them without intentionally hurting their feelings? I don't think that some of these guys understand I'm still young and am not interested in relationships.

Click to expand...

You don't have to send any signals at all--some guys will hit on anyone whom they even suspect might be female, and some won't care about your age or anything else.

If anyone ever keeps bugging you after you say no, or otherwise oversteps their boundaries in any way, please report it. Keep in mind that it's very unlikely that it's just you they are harassing. I know girls have sometimes been driven away from this site by such behavior, and we mods won't know and can't do anything about it unless it gets reported.

No. But then I am married and reference my wife often.

I think some posters thought I was a girl at first, and were disappointed to learn I am a 52 year old man.

I love lions said:

I know this may seem like a weird question and I don't want to mention any usernames on here, but there have been a few guys I have been talking to on here who have seemed to think I want to date them or they want to have sex with me. I don't know if I'm sending mixed signals or that the guys don't have a relationship and they seem to consider that I would want to be in a relationship with them. I've even met one person who had severe depression, but confused me for wanting to have sex with him because I told him that I don't have friends or ever had sex with anyone. He kind of lied about saying he was 18 when really he was 16 and kind of threatened to kill himself on here. I told these guys that I wasn't interested in relationships, but some were even type in the sad face because of what I said. Can anyone help me on how to tell them in a more polite, but firm way of saying I don't want to go out with them without intentionally hurting their feelings? I don't think that some of these guys understand I'm still young and am not interested in relationships.

Click to expand...

Na not this website and Im not sure anymore about counting on it at all

Just based on my personality, no. There's not been much interest.

But once I get the photos out--just normal photos, btw--the interest goes up a notch. I think it's the long hair, the stubble, the edgy-yet-mainstream clothing (from vests to tie-dyes).. I even have pictures where I'm chopping wood and doing landscaping... THEN.. it all changes :bigsmile:

Sacrament said:

It's not really a question of how you say things. If you're clear about your (lack of) intentions, it's not up to you. You have to keep in mind that there are plenty of people here who are lonely and desperately crave attention/companionship. For some people in that situation, it doesn't take much to start thinking things that don't match reality.

Click to expand...

I know that most people who have social phobia and don't have many friends are more prone to be depressed and wanting to seek companionship from others, but if I tell them that I'm not interested in a relationship, then no means no. I really don't want to regret being in a relationship just because I wanted someone else to be happy if they didn't have one. I'm just asking how I can tell them respectfully that I don't want to be in a relationship with them without them taking that to heart as if I think I don't want to date them because they are ugly or that I don't like them. I couldn't be able to date someone who threatens to kill themselves or is using me just to get into a relationship. I think it's a form of emotional abuse.

I love lions said:

I know that most people who have social phobia and don't have many friends are more prone to be depressed and wanting to seek companionship from others, but if I tell them that I'm not interested in a relationship, then no means no. I really don't want to regret being in a relationship just because I wanted someone else to be happy if they didn't have one. I'm just asking how I can tell them respectfully that I don't want to be in a relationship with them without them taking that to heart as if I think I don't want to date them because they are ugly or that I don't like them. I couldn't be able to date someone who threatens to kill themselves or is using me just to get into a relationship. I think it's a form of emotional abuse.

Click to expand...

You definitely don't want to get involved with someone who uses emotional coercion. I think in the end you just have to be honest. You're not ready for a relationship.

Date?

Hell, I'm just happy when people want to *talk* with me.

I'd probably have an aneurysm if someone proposed an actual romantic date.


As for your issue, there's no *polite* way of letting them down when they're emotionally invested. Just gotta be blunt and tell them no-how and no-way do you want a boyfriend/girlfriend/sex-slave.

Not sure if I should be feel relieved that no one has bothered me or insulted!:lol:
In all seriousness though, be clear about your intentions and and stick to your ideals. Distance yourself from anyone who makes you uncomfortable.
I have talked to many guys on here and never once have any of them been inappropriate. I probably give off that "mom" vibe because I am one, and no false advertising here, everyone knows it.

I love lions said:

I know that most people who have social phobia and don't have many friends are more prone to be depressed and wanting to seek companionship from others, but if I tell them that I'm not interested in a relationship, then no means no. I really don't want to regret being in a relationship just because I wanted someone else to be happy if they didn't have one. I'm just asking how I can tell them respectfully that I don't want to be in a relationship with them without them taking that to heart as if I think I don't want to date them because they are ugly or that I don't like them. I couldn't be able to date someone who threatens to kill themselves or is using me just to get into a relationship. I think it's a form of emotional abuse.

Click to expand...

Simple: "sorry, I'm flattered but I'm really not on the market right now, got other priorities that need my complete attention. I'd like us to be friends though, if that's okay with you", or any variant of that. It's anything but rude, and if they take it the wrong way, it's completely on them.

there are people that lurk on messageboards specifically looking for a partner or sex. some don't even contribute to the community, they use the sites to try and meet someone as they figure places like this are easy pickings. if its not one person ,it will be another person instead. they usually target specific users that give an impression they are young, single, attractive or easy to manipulate and naive. they also target users who talk a lot about sex, or that flaunt their assets in a sexual way as it's an assumption that a person is interested in sex and or a relationship. obviously there is somethings you can do about this to prevent contact. it's not just women/girls that would be targeted the same can happen in reverse although its considerably more rare. to help prevent the situation you need to give them the least amount of chance of targeting you. to draw an analogy, if you go out without waterproofs and it's pissing down with rain, you can't really expect to stay dry and protected.

but sometimes there isn't much you can do, it could be that you talk a lot on a forum so you have a notable presence, when you upload or have a picture and you are naturally attractive (without even trying to make yourself attractive) these lurkers might start reading all the stuff about you,making mental notes which they then try to use in an attempt to get to know you. people can be devious. i'm not saying the op is causing the situation to happen but a good rule of thumb to go by is if the same situation is happening to you over and over again and the majority of others are not experiencing the same thing it might be good to question why that is and what you can do to prevent it.

It's probably a good idea to avoid topics like whether or not you've had sex.
And yes, tell the mods if it gets too weird.

no I'd like to meet a female friend on here though. i think since ppl online open up more the guys who have trouble talking to women have more courage here. in the past I've had a relationship online sorta but nothing serious. i know some relationships start from online so maybe you will find a relationship. if not just say no just being friendly like you're probably doing now.

Please. With my username and text charisma, girls were flinging themselves at me mere seconds after I signed up.

:bigsmile:

Odo said:

It's probably a good idea to avoid topics like whether or not you've had sex.
And yes, tell the mods if it gets too weird.

Click to expand...

It is possible to simply talk about sexuality without wanting anything from the other person, though. It's an interesting topic, if we're going to be more honest than PC, for once.

There was one guy in particular. We sort of had a "thing" for two and a half months on here but we lived way far away and both of us knew it was never a real option. But this guy was extremely sweet and remembered everything I said and really cared about me, so it was very different than what you are describing. If it is someone you are not interested, then let them know upfront. Thinking someone likes you and then finding out they don't several weeks later is the worst. But if you're interested in someone, then dig a little deeper, get to know them.