Having confidence

I just noticed a person on FB that I was friends with in High School, and he posted a pic of his furry chest (stomach and shoulders) with all the confidence of GQ's sexiest man of the year. I, however, would not post a pic like that to save my life. It's so sad that we cannot have the same confidence as those around us when we have objectively the same skills, looks, talents, intelligence, etc! Why can't changing one's self esteem be easy? No matter how many people tell me I am attractive or smart or whatever it is they compliment me on, I can not fully accept it. My internal critic always tells me that they are just being polite, that it's not really true. Does anyone have any tips on how to believe that you are a worthwhile person with much to contribute? If you say positive affirmations, please explain exactly how you used them cause they haven't worked for me.

I don't know how to fix it, as I also am dealing with similar problems, but i think the first step is realizing objectively, that there is nothing that makes you inferior to other people, which you did. But i can say, why would people compliment you just to be polite? And even if they are not sincere, you would have already noticed it.

But as an emotion, i don't know what brings confidence to someone.

IntheLabyrinth said:

No matter how many people tell me I am attractive or smart or whatever it is they compliment me on, I can not fully accept it. My internal critic always tells me that they are just being polite, that it's not really true.

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Then change this. Just accept it. Whenever someone compliments you, just think to yourself "that's pretty cool, I guess I am [compliment]." Use that affirmation to boost up your ego. I mean, you have two choices: either you dismiss the compliments given as someone trying to trick you, or you can use those compliments to improve your confidence and sense of self-acceptance. In turn, that'll give you more motivation to work on yourself, and you'll feel more at ease when interacting with others.

When in doubt, choose the most productive path. It's certainly not the one you've been taking, because you're repeatedly putting yourself down, so turn back and choose the other available path.

dont do that. look to yourself and be comfortable with yourself. I struggle with the same thing but seeking validation from other people is not a good thing. validation should come from yourself. yeah its cool if someone gives you a compliment but you shouldnt seek approval from anyone else but yourself. good compliments or bad , dont take them that serious. its about you not other people/what other people think.
having confidence is not caring what others think.

jayfan said:

dont do that. look to yourself and be comfortable with yourself. I struggle with the same thing but seeking validation from other people is not a good thing. validation should come from yourself. yeah its cool if someone gives you a compliment but you shouldnt seek approval from anyone else but yourself. good compliments or bad , dont take them that serious. its about you not other people/what other people think.
having confidence is not caring what others think.

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This - but hard to do. Also confidence IS caring what others think about you as a human being, but it's not letting those cares dictate and control your attitude or feelings or actions. Otherwise you risk being a buttocks if you simply don't give a crap.

It's SO EASY and I would be guilty of it too, to say "be comfortable with yourself only you should this that" all fine and dandy in theory and to spout but in practice we wouldn't be here if it were easy. Nothing can hurt you without YOUR consent. So says Eleanor Roosevelt.

It's a PROCESS - every bit - what Sacrament said you need to be MINDFUL first. The three C's - CATCH the thought, CHALLENGE the thought, CHANGE the though. Simple as choosing - NO I wont allow the negative/doubtful side of the coin to flip over.

I've slid back and forth SO MUCH I've lost faith many times like confidence is a carrot and stick. But it all adds up, so just have to be PROACTIVE in all the stuff you hear, it takes work, constant challenging and catching those negative thoughts.