first off all i am not a native English speaker and my English is not so good so please forgive me if i have some mistakes or misspelled words 
i am 30 years old and since 1999 i have been a facial blushing and erythrophobia sufferer
and this phobia and blushing has triggered some other mental problems like extreme shyness, avoidant personality disorder , love-shyness , social phobia, etc...
in high school, i could never go to out in recess times, i was alone sitting in chair, and watch through windows other students playing in the yard,
i could not speak, i could not laugh , i could not love, i could not feel..... i have created a fantasy world in my mind, and when i am lying in the bed , i start to live every memories in my head again and again, in this fantasy world, i can love, i can talk, i can laugh,...
i am stuck in the past.... i am living all the memories in my head again and again...as if there is a big screen in front of my eyes and somebodies is forcing me to watch my old memories again.... sometimes i feel like if i focus enough, i can wake up in the past and i can fix every bad things i have done.... and i can start my life over again.... i went to university two times and i dropped out them two times... i have no talent, no experience, i have never worked , i am unemployed , i spend most of my time in my room, listening to radio ( i have deleted 700 GB of music archive last month) dreaming dreaming and dreaming....... i dream a lot.. in my dreams, i am "everybody"... sometimes a rock star, sometimes a bee farmer, sometimes a hacker, sometimes a politician.. when i dream a lot, i start to feel a headache...... i have no friends, , have never had a girl friend, i feel like i am dying from loneliness, i dont know where and how i will die...... thats all.... .. sorry i have made horrible sentences i guess i have studied English years ago and i could not improve it..take care...have a nice day.. there was a youtube comment under a facial blushing video:" non blushers don't know how luck they are" i would give all of my life for just not to blush even for a month!!!
i am 30 years old and since 1999 i have been a facial blushing and erythrophobia sufferer
and this phobia and blushing has triggered some other mental problems like extreme shyness, avoidant personality disorder , love-shyness , social phobia, etc...
in high school, i could never go to out in recess times, i was alone sitting in chair, and watch through windows other students playing in the yard,
i could not speak, i could not laugh , i could not love, i could not feel..... i have created a fantasy world in my mind, and when i am lying in the bed , i start to live every memories in my head again and again, in this fantasy world, i can love, i can talk, i can laugh,...
i am stuck in the past.... i am living all the memories in my head again and again...as if there is a big screen in front of my eyes and somebodies is forcing me to watch my old memories again.... sometimes i feel like if i focus enough, i can wake up in the past and i can fix every bad things i have done.... and i can start my life over again.... i went to university two times and i dropped out them two times... i have no talent, no experience, i have never worked , i am unemployed , i spend most of my time in my room, listening to radio ( i have deleted 700 GB of music archive last month) dreaming dreaming and dreaming....... i dream a lot.. in my dreams, i am "everybody"... sometimes a rock star, sometimes a bee farmer, sometimes a hacker, sometimes a politician.. when i dream a lot, i start to feel a headache...... i have no friends, , have never had a girl friend, i feel like i am dying from loneliness, i dont know where and how i will die...... thats all.... .. sorry i have made horrible sentences i guess i have studied English years ago and i could not improve it..take care...have a nice day.. there was a youtube comment under a facial blushing video:" non blushers don't know how luck they are" i would give all of my life for just not to blush even for a month!!!
