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Old 01-17-2005
mandylovesdan's Avatar
Newbie User
 

i have a really bad jealousy issue that i want to fix. i
have never been a jealous person i have never had problems
with previous guys ive dated to hang out with chicks alone
and go out to clubs, look at porn, talk to chicks, check
them out, tell me about chicks they thought were hot,
hanging with ex girlfriends etc. my new relationship is
awesome and i love him so much but now im OVERWHELMED with
jealousy. another thing thats new is i have always been a
sweet fun happy person but since i have felt my first
feeling of jealousy i have become moody, bitchy, nagging,
clingy, paranoid, and the list goes on. this is not me at
all i hate feeling this way and i know that this will break
my relationship up if i do not fix this problem. now when
my boyfriend checks out other chicks (which includes online-
porn chats looking at chick profiles etc, when he looks at
them in person(when were outside in stores etc) and on tv
and in magazines. ive already told him how i feel but he
says he doesnt do it consiously and that he has a
fascintation with the female body which i know how that is
cuz im the same way with guys and always have been but i
control it now and have found strategies to make sure i
dont even look anymore because i know how it feels when he
looks . but even talking to him he still does it and its
not right for me to tell him not to so i wont but everytime
he does im overcome with stomache PAIN so freaking painful
and then the pain moves to my heart then my brain and i
want to scream and then i get bitchy and angry and i want
this feeling to stop. i dont want to feel angry anymore its
made me bitchy all the time my whole personality has
changed along with my sense of humor. i need advice for
getting over this..any help would be so appreciative..i
dont want my relationship to fail cuz i cant get over him
looking or having any affiliation with chicks.

background info...i have been cheated on with other guys
and lied to so im sure this has to do with it since with
them i never had jealousy and didnt care about them being
around ex's and hanging out with other chicks. my mom has
been cheated on also which im sure doesnt help my new
fears. i honestly dont believe he would cheat on me so
thats not the problem. its what i stated at the top. and
its hard to find a time when chicks arent around. our
society is male based so everywhere are chicks, titty bars,
porn, sexy chicks in mags and in movies and so on and so
forth so i really need advice for this to end cuz its
everywhere so i feel it all the time.
thank you

oh ya and just some more info on the type of porn he
likes...its just the webcam with one girl naked or in
underwear so theres no sex going on which actually bothers
me more than if he were to be watching an actual sexual act
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Old 01-17-2005
Remus's Avatar
Super Moderator
Elite User
 

now when
my boyfriend checks out other chicks (which includes online-
porn chats looking at chick profiles etc

oh ya and just some more info on the type of porn he
likes...its just the webcam with one girl naked or in
underwear so theres no sex going on which actually bothers
me more than if he were to be watching an actual sexual act


eww what a sleaze, no wonder you are jealous, if I was you I'd dump him for doing that.

when I've been inlove with someone ,I've only had eyes for them.
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Old 01-17-2005
Anonymous's Avatar
Elite User
 

I really wish I had some advice to give to you, I know how awlful it is to be jealous and not want to be be. Turning off jealousy is like trying turning off loving someone-- it's practically impossible. Have you asked your bf if he would be okay with you being naked or in your panties on line for someone else's pleasure? Maybe he would say he is okay with it so he could continue to get away with it?

I hope someone can give you some good advice! I wish I had something positive to tell you. I know how desperate you must be. :cry:
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Old 01-17-2005
GettingThere's Avatar
Advanced User
 

You may have to set some ground rules (within reason).
If he is "real" in his intentions toward you, he will stick to the rules and all will be fine, if not then it is best that you know now rather than getting in any deeper emotionally than you already are.
It will only hurt you more if you don't deal with the problem and just let it fester. Perhaps you need to find out just how deep his feelings run for you, have a real heart to heart although i suspect that you may already have done so.
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Old 01-17-2005
cody2468's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Not really sure what to say, sounds like a typical male to me. I knew one guy once he was married with a family but that didn't stop him from running after anything single looking for an affair. He was a real sleeze.

I think guest was right. How would your b/f like it if you were also parading around in your undies or naked on a webcam, worst of all (I know you aren't like this so don't get offended) what if you were to have an affair with someone while you were seeing him, or getting very friendly with another man. I'm sure that if he had any feelings for you it would make him jealous too so I think you may need to try and set some ground rules that work both ways. He is a male and will never stop looking at other females but he needs to know when to stop.

I would also feel jealous if my b/f was looking at other girls on the webcam. But I would probably feel more insecure as to way he was doing this. Sorry if I wasnt much help.
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Old 01-17-2005
 

I have always said that if your bf does something that makes you feel uncomfortable or hurts your feelings in some way..maybe by gawping at some other naked woman then he should have the decency to at least try to stop or at least not do it so blatantly. I would be jealous if my fianc'e looked at other owman in THAT way. Some people make the excuse of well, they are male...but that isn't good enough when we are all supposed to be such a highly developed and intelligent species. To me that doesn't cut it. I think you should tell him how you feel and ask to stop doing it in front of you. I think not only does it make you jealous but then the paranoia starts...you know...is she prettier, does he want her...etc.
Have a chat about it with him and see if he is willing to at least try.
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Old 01-17-2005
Anonymous's Avatar
Elite User
 

hmmmm, supplementing your diet... what if.. now I know this may be way out there, but just what if when you ate salt in or on any foods it made your mate violently ill when they kissed you, would you keep on eating it ?

I think if the bf really cares.... if things he are doing are making her sick... he should give thup for her.

One should also take into consideration that sometimes the supplements start to satisfy better than the the main couse.
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Old 01-17-2005
Anonymous's Avatar
Elite User
 

I think you should ask your bf to make a choice between you and the things that are making you jealous, if he won't give up the things that are eating away at you-- no offense, but dump the chump and see if you & Remus might be compatible..... gosh... if I were way younger, I'd see for myself! He sounds like the kind of man I'd want to love me!

(read the MSN/ YAHOO CHATTING. post, too :wink: )
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Old 01-17-2005
Remus's Avatar
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EEEEK!

*runs off*
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Old 01-17-2005
Remus's Avatar
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porn is one thing, some woman he knows doing a cam show for his pleasure is another.

I see that as being unfaithful myself.

in a light way maybe
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Old 01-18-2005
mandylovesdan's Avatar
Newbie User
 

ok he doesnt look at woman he knew that are naked...if that were the case we wouldnt be together thats just too far...this is just a porn site where all the chicks have there own webcam and get paid for it just to sit there or masterbate in front of the camera...i am incredibly insecure and have very low self esteem...im never going to ask him to stop that would be wrong of me to do but i am going to first work on my esteem cuz thats the main problem i think...the reason him lookings such a big deal is i feel inferior and the reason hes looking is cuz hes not satisfied once i get past that everything else will fall into place...so i guess off to the gym i go...lol
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Old 01-18-2005
Anonymous's Avatar
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As usual, well except for the spirit/body thingy, I'm with worry.
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Old 01-18-2005
Remus's Avatar
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Well mandy, thats pretty mean of him to make you feel that way, maybe tell him you dont like it, relationships are about truth and sharing, be honest.

Some men are obsessed by porn, to a high extreme, if he's paying for women to prostitute themselve infront of a camera then I think he may fall into that catogary.

I get the feeling you have about the same point of view about porn as I do.

I could understand if he was single and doing it but when in a relationship, its taking the piss abit.
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Old 01-19-2005
mandylovesdan's Avatar
Newbie User
 

well the low self esteem thing came way before i even met him so its not him who is making me feel like crap...it just comes with this low self image i have...i am doing something about it though which is more than i can about most people but i am doing it in a healthy fashion..i eat alot just healthy now instead of junk...i excercise and take my vitamins(not diet pills just plain old multivitamins) and i tan with my self tanner which i feel i look better with ...hes not making me do this im doing it for myself...

i do communicate with him and he has improved greatly with how he goes about his "hobby" of porn and just checking chicks out...hes doing nothing wrong and jealousys normal to an extent and im finally learning this and am actually improving...so for everyone who gave me good advice thank you and the bad advice thanks for trying lol :l~
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Old 01-20-2005
monica's Avatar
Newbie User
 

Thats crazy I dont know what are you doing with that guy
I think that he doesnt care about you,he just care about sex he's too horney all the time
If you keep accepting his behavior with naked girls on webcam ..soon he will try to make you do something with them
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Old 03-08-2005
Melodyz's Avatar
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Porn doesn't make me jealous. Although the ex-girfriend thing definately would.
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