Hi, new here, very nervous... any response appreciated...

Saya_Shuri

Saya_Shuri

Member
Hi. Just so you know, to anyone reading this, I'm shaking from nervousness as I type this, so yeah... *clears throat* So, I was talking to my boyfriend last night trying to explain to him about my freakishly strong fear of going out in public, and I thought I'd look up 'sociophobe' on Wikipedia, cause I've been described as it. I read through it and thought, "Hey, this sounds pretty much like me."

A while later I went back and read it a bit more carefully and picked out the things that were different. Then I started going through the 'related topics' links out of curiosity and when I hit the APD page, I totally froze. This thing was telling me things I've known about myself for YEARS.

When I got to the end of the article I was nearly in tears. This was it. This is what I have. So I went on Google (Hail Google, God of Internetness!) and searched for APD forums, and randomly clicked the link to this one.

I've spent most of the day slowly reading quite a few of the posts on this board, and I've been totally surprised by what I've seen. I didn't think there was anyone who thought or acted like I do, but this place is full of them! I've spent the last 2 hours trying to decide whether to join or not, then said "Ah, what the h***, can only help..." So, here I am, typing things I haven't told many people in the hopes that I won't get blasted out of the water here... although as I understand it, that's 'normal' for people with APD....

Like I said, I just found out I have this last night, so I'm not experienced with it as a 'disorder', just with how I act and think. I haven't had a very nice life socially, just one disaster after another, so I'm really not surprised I have something like APD. Never had friends in school, although one I had lasted from 4th grade until about 2 months ago -_- I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome after she moved away after her mom died, because I was that attached to her. Shortly after that, I was told I was bi-polar (though not officially diagnosed). I've only been to two psychiatrists, and each took my mom aside and told her I should be committed for a short while to see if some 'professional help' would help me. The first one was fired, the second one came out of her office pale as a sheet and took the rest of the day off. Needless to say, their advice went unheeded.

I have seen one other "professional", though he wasn't a 'chiatrist or 'cologist, he was something else but I can't remember the title. A preview thingy for the actual psych-dude. He told me that I suffer from chronic depression and gave me a list of 5 different meds to start taking. I'm not joking. Five. I didn't bother setting up a follow-up cause I'm allergic to stupidity, y'know. Meds aren't what I need, they never were and they never will be. All they do is f*** with your mind - I saw proof of that with my mom. I'm very distrustful of any medication other than Tylenol or other common stuff, and I don't trust anyone who works in any "medical field", I've had bad experiences with them all from pediatricians to physical therapists to radiologists to OBGYN's and, of course, the entire mental health department.

So, that's 3 different mental 'problems' I've been told I have. All are probably true too, come to think of it. I'm now 19, turning 20 on March 28th, I have a boyfriend who lives in England and is very understanding and supportive of my odd behavioral structure, and doing everything he can to help me deal with things. I live in Seattle with my crippled dad and half-rich, though broken, aunt, and am trying to study for my GED and make myself get a job so I can get some money, because I plan on at least visiting my boyfriend in England as soon as I can (don't suppose anyone knows how long the wait is to get a US passport...?), but it's very difficult.

Whenever I even think about applying for a job somewhere I just totally freeze up, even if someone's with me. I really have no skills that apply to anything that could be called a job skill, and I get so nervous in new situations that people have to explain things to me over and over until it finally gets through, and that makes me look pretty stupid and I'm not >.< My IQ's 136, though I don't know what relevance that has, to be honest.... I know I'm just gonna screw things up wherever I try to work, and it scares me to think of what people will think or say or do in response. I've never really had any emotional support until that last September when I met my boyfriend, and virtually no friends, ever, like I said. I practically live on the internet, even though I do like to be active. Just not alone, but not with someone I don't know, if that makes sense.

I'm sorry, I'm just rambling here cause I'm so nervous about posting this that it's kinda scrambling my mind a bit. Any advice or tips or anything is greatly appreciated, this is the first 'community forum' of any kind I've ever posted in, so I don't know what to expect...

If anyone wants to know a bit more about me, you can check out my MySpace page (link in siggy) or my freewebs page (http://freewebs.com/sayashuri).
 
tommydog

tommydog

Well-known member
Hi Saya_Shuri

Whats that Indian or something ?

No need to feel nervous. Everyone here has something wrong with them :lol:

No seriously though, no one has the exact same condition and circumstances as you, but we all more or less relate to each other as we all have social phobias, at best.

Meds can be an important part of your recovery, and I'll tell you why. Prolonged negative feelings, depression, nervousness, ect, can lead to a chemical imbalance in the brain. Your brain needs to release X amount of certain chemicals for you to feel "even". When your sad, those chemicals are lessed. Prolonged depression can cause those chemicals to be released in insufficient quantities indefinetly, so you end up bieng depressed or anxious the rest of your life.

The meds can help restore the right chemical balance, which can give the the confidence to start doing things again that make you happy. Keep doing things that make you happy, then the chemicals get into the "habit"
of bieng released at healthy levels, you come off the meds, and your ok.

But you have to do lots of work aswell, if you just depend on the meds then thier useless.

Some illicit drugs similar. Like Ice. People think thier super human because it flood thier brain with the "feel good" chemical, they become delusional because the level are unnatural, and because the high is unnatural, when the drug weres off, the drug user comes down, hard.

The prescription drugs work the same, except the effect is FAR milder, and the side effects are fewer.

I know how you feel about the prospect of gaining employment somewere. It isnt easy, and your right, IQ means nothing if your so nervous you cant think. You never know though. Some people (like me) are very different in a work environment to a social environment. You might think this is a long shot, but you might do great and actually be confident in the work setting, you never know. What do you like ?
 
Caseums21

Caseums21

Well-known member
Hi and welcome to the board. I also found this board through google. This board helped me a lot and I'm sure it will help you.

Some people choose to take medications but I'm someone that chooses not to. Do what is right is right for you but everything takes time.

Sorry to hear about your friend moving away. I know how hard that is but just remember that there are so many ways to keep in contact with people now. I know it's not the same as face to face but it helps.

Also, the US passport takes about 6 weeks. There is a way to get it in 2 weeks but it's more expensive. I'm not sure how much though. Mine was expected to come in 6 weeks but it came in 4 weeks. If you don't know where to get a passport, I got mine from the US post office. Here is a link for more information. http://www.destination360.com/travel-resources/passport.php

Again, welcome to the board and never be afraid to ask questions or for advice. We're all here to help each other and we are pleased to do our best to help.
 
Saya_Shuri

Saya_Shuri

Member
To InDeepShit - I'm a lot more open and alright with things on the net cause it's like, part of me is convinced it's not all real, if that makes sense. I decided a while back that I'm just gonna be me and that's that, let people think what they think. Different in the physical public though T_T (nice display name, by the way :p and my FF faves are 7 and 9, and the movie Advent Children ^-^)

To tommy_15 - Naw, it's Japanese =P I'm hooked on that culture like a drug *chuckles*

Speaking of drugs - I can actually provide an alternative to your drug explaination, though I actually already knew all that from research into depression stuffs (not trying to sound arrogant or bash your advice, really I'm not >.<) I was starting to think meds were the only way I was gonna be happy until I met my boyfriend. Since I met him, even though I'm still depressed and anxious a lot from bi-polar and APD, I'm still a h*** of a lot happier now than I ever have been in my life, because he's so supportive and tries everything he can to actually help me deal with things rather than just saying "you'll be fine" or "there's nothing to worry about" or similar (and, dare I say, useless) comments. I also have a good friend who's a hikikomori, and we help eachother deal with things a lot. So I say, meds work, yeah, but if you can find someone you can trust and who has the intellectual power to actually try to understand what you're going through and the things that make you happy enough to release those lovely happy chemicals in your brain, you don't need the meds. I don't ^-^ But yeah, I know that not everyone's as lucky as I am, which sucks....
 
AlanTTT3

AlanTTT3

New member
Recently discovered APD Myself

Hi my first post too . I only figured out a few weeks ago that I am severely APD. I had to be more or less bullied into going to university and after that into a job. To my surprise after a few weeks in the job I was happier than I had been in years I became a bit of a workaholic and even changed jobs several times losing all fear of job interviews in the process. I am now grateful to my father’s bullying on this score. This is where things stop sounding so good . I wasn’t bullied into anything else so I didn't do anything else - I didn’t learn to drive, I have never been in a relationship, I have never been away on holiday - and at the age of 56! I still live with my parents. Eight months ago I was made redundant and at my age it is close to impossible to get a job . The main thing that gave my life some meaning has gone and I can feel myself drifting back to the empty years of late adolescence. There is more to APD than just shyness - there is also something wrong with whatever it is that causes people to initiate and make changes in their lives . I don’t know if there is treatment for ADP but I fear it's come too late for me if there is.
 
luvlyj

luvlyj

Member
heyy,,i read ur post an i can relate alot,, this is officially my 3rd post on this forum(also my first forum), i was pretty nervous writing my first post too,i had to analyze a few first,preview it a good number of times,change my mind couple times, get a bit sweaty which sucks cuz i was nice an fresh a while ago. an i stil ended up thinking it was stupid an too short :D
im only 17 for now but i hope by the time i end up looking for a job ill be better, an lots of luck with ur job thing,, for me now im stil having a hard time talking to teachers,, or professors i gues since im in college, i dont do well with anyy adults for now, except my parents which i stil cant talk to about personal stuf.
oh ya an i only found out the avpd thing lasnite too,i gues its a bit relieving to kno ther's actualy a condition for the thing thats wrong with u isnt it ? that means it kind of not ur fault right? :D i wish u all the best in overcoming this, an good luck with visitting ur bf soon...
 
social_phobia2008

social_phobia2008

Well-known member
Saya_Shuri, first of all welcome to the forum. i've discovered this forum about 3 years ago after searching og google, like you. and it became my second home.

what would help you very much is to actually meet with your boyfriend and no pill in the world would simulate that result. it's been 3 years for me to try all the pills in the world, and i mean all i could find, cause i had plenty of time to wait for each and everyone of them to take effect. and it didn't....now i just kept seroquel for sleep, and that's about it

pesonally i don't comment on stuff - efficient or not until i try them. some found pills that worked (helped i mean, not miraculosly cured). you could be lucky too, i wasn't.

from my own experience, the best treatment for apd is a BF/GF, so meet up with him as soon as you can

take care :wink: oh, and you didn't have to post your iq, i could tell it was above average from your post.

*aproaching my 7 limit post..thinking of opening a 2nd account :twisted: , it's about the freedom of speech afterall*end of offtopic
 
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