How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
DeadmanWalking
Well-known member
What's wrong Marie:
:?However, I'm starting to break. Again. I had the "power", now I feel it slipping. I'm going back into that black hole again.
Oh boy. Today was a doozy. Apparently my sister's cat, who went to the vet yesterday and was diagnosed with gingivitus, was up all night vomiting. She was really lethargic this morning, so we took her back to the vet. They think their is some sort of air pocket/bubble in her intestine that is keeping her from holding anything down. They are keeping her for a couple of days to see if it goes away on its own. If not, the next step would be exploratory surgery. That scares the **** out of me. I took my kitten in a little over a year ago for a broken leg from a freak accident. She had surgery and died from it. I'm trying not to jump the gun yet, but I can't help but think about it.
I also have a friend that had to go to the hospital yesterday. She has been sick for months and months and no one can figure out what is wrong with her. They are testing for a bacterial infection right now, but one of the names that keeps getting tossed around is MS.
And my mother and I had an hour long conversation on the phone today. Lots of screaming, crying, and general anger were exchanged. And I did all the crying! Go figure. Her concern is the same one it always is: she thinks I'm stagnating in my progress. Also, she hates my therapist. I believe the words were, "You can tell her to kiss my big, fat ass." We talked about other things, but this issue with her and my therapist is going to be a problem. It already seems that I spend so much time in therapy talking about my family and how I think they are mad or disappointed in me. I don't even know what I'm going to do on our appointment Monday. The two people I trust most for advice about my illness are at odds and give different advice. I don't know what to do. I just wish someone would write up a blueprint for my life and I'll do whatever it says is on there. I don't care if I end up miserable for the rest of my life. I'm tired of the back and forth, the ebb and flow. An occasional step forward, the inevitable six steps backwards.
I also have a friend that had to go to the hospital yesterday. She has been sick for months and months and no one can figure out what is wrong with her. They are testing for a bacterial infection right now, but one of the names that keeps getting tossed around is MS.
And my mother and I had an hour long conversation on the phone today. Lots of screaming, crying, and general anger were exchanged. And I did all the crying! Go figure. Her concern is the same one it always is: she thinks I'm stagnating in my progress. Also, she hates my therapist. I believe the words were, "You can tell her to kiss my big, fat ass." We talked about other things, but this issue with her and my therapist is going to be a problem. It already seems that I spend so much time in therapy talking about my family and how I think they are mad or disappointed in me. I don't even know what I'm going to do on our appointment Monday. The two people I trust most for advice about my illness are at odds and give different advice. I don't know what to do. I just wish someone would write up a blueprint for my life and I'll do whatever it says is on there. I don't care if I end up miserable for the rest of my life. I'm tired of the back and forth, the ebb and flow. An occasional step forward, the inevitable six steps backwards.
lilmutegirl
Well-known member
I am feeling empty. I feel like a horrible mother, and I'm worried that my son will blame me for his problems in life like I blame my own parents. I literally just let him beat me, because I stopped caring, and was afraid that if I tried to stop him, I'd end up hurting him more. He's trying to make up for it, being all sweet and kissing me, making cute faces, and asking how to make me happy now, but I feel like it's too late (at least for tonight). The damage is done. I grew up with no discipline, and I'm terrified of consequences of my actions. I don't want him to be that way. Or worse--the opposite (I have a friend whose son is like that, and I'm convinced he'll end up in prison).
MikeyC
Well-known member
Can't you talk to your sister about it? I know you say she might go to your mum about it, but you sound like you're at desperation stakes here.
Nothing wrong with that at all.
Why? :
:Oh, superfluous, this all sounds awful. I hope the cat gets through the surgery. The chances of it dying are slim if the surgery is successful. Sorry to hear about your friend. I knew someone with MS and she got worse and worse. How close are you to her? As for therapy, if you like your therapist, keep going despite what your mum says. You're the one in therapy, not her.
Absolutely do not let your son hit you. If he continues that, he will think it's right and imagine when he grows up and develops strength. Use your friends' son as motivation if necessary.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
I am. But I feel telling my oldest sister will only make things worse. I mean, she'll say I can confide in her and talk to her, but my sister would just end up telling my mum, anyway. And that would just led to a huge argument between the 3 of us.
I think I'll just wait for my therapy sessions to start, shouldn't be long now, anyway.
Feeling_Nothing
Well-known member
I feel like I can take on the world today !
First time in ages I felt this good, maybe it has something to do with the fact someone I really like is back in my life
First time in ages I felt this good, maybe it has something to do with the fact someone I really like is back in my life
Gaucho
Well-known member
I feel like I can take on the world today !
First time in ages I felt this good, maybe it has something to do with the fact someone I really like is back in my life
sounds good
MikeyC
Well-known member
If that's what you think is best, go for it.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
If that's what you think is best, go for it.
Yeah, well, I don't want to end up making things more akward than they already are between my mum and I, or my oldest sister for that matter. I'm feeling kind of guilty about that rant on here last night, to tell you the truth. You know, in retrospect... :
:
MikeyC
Well-known member
Yeah, if things are already awkward and uncomfortable, I can understand you wouldn't want to exacerbate that.Yeah, well, I don't want to end up making things more akward than they already are between my mum and I, or my oldest sister for that matter. I'm feeling kind of guilty about that rant on here last night, to tell you the truth. You know, in retrospect... :
Why do you feel guilty about the rant?
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
I don't know... I guess I don't like feeling as though I'm bring someone down or feeling like a burden whenever I'm complaining about my messed up problems on here. I mean other than my SA and depression.
pop-princess
Well-known member
A mix of sad, hurt, self-pity, anger and bitterness.
Had a horrible experience yesterday. My God. I was in a grocery store lookig for some snacks before meeting my friend and feeling upbeat. Suddenly a man comes behind and says "stupid woman why are you standing in the way". I was so shocked. I hadn't done anything and this man starts to hate me. I then answered "shut up idiot". A little while after i'm standing at another place and I see him coming towards me. I'm not moving on purpose and he walks over me and I almost got hit by his bag. I then push him (I was so angry and I don't regret it, wish I had pushed him even harder actually). I got a little scared after that since he was much bigger and also physically much stronger. He didn't hit me but started shouting that I was a "ugly c*nt" and then something else that I didn't cath.
What a psycho. I'm still scarred. I wish something really bad happens to him. God i'm so tired that this world is full of freaks. But i'm glad that I reacted and didn't just stay quiet even though it could have been dangerous and I could have got pshysically hurt by this aggressive man.
Had a horrible experience yesterday. My God. I was in a grocery store lookig for some snacks before meeting my friend and feeling upbeat. Suddenly a man comes behind and says "stupid woman why are you standing in the way". I was so shocked. I hadn't done anything and this man starts to hate me. I then answered "shut up idiot". A little while after i'm standing at another place and I see him coming towards me. I'm not moving on purpose and he walks over me and I almost got hit by his bag. I then push him (I was so angry and I don't regret it, wish I had pushed him even harder actually). I got a little scared after that since he was much bigger and also physically much stronger. He didn't hit me but started shouting that I was a "ugly c*nt" and then something else that I didn't cath.
What a psycho. I'm still scarred. I wish something really bad happens to him. God i'm so tired that this world is full of freaks. But i'm glad that I reacted and didn't just stay quiet even though it could have been dangerous and I could have got pshysically hurt by this aggressive man.
DeadmanWalking
Well-known member
Be proud that you stood up for yourself, pop-princess
. Kudos to you. You did nothing wrong, so brush him off your back and move forward with your life. Karma'll deal with him, so don't worry.pop-princess
Well-known member
Thank you guys!
Yes I certainly hope karma will get him really hard!
Yes I certainly hope karma will get him really hard!