oh dear that sounds not so good.Sorry youre having a crap time in your relationship
How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
oh dear that sounds not so good.Sorry youre having a crap time in your relationship
Starry
Well-known member
I've been feeling rather deflated today... Everything was a struggle to do, I just had no motivation to do anything... But I fought through and did everything I had to...
I've just been feeling a lack of connection to the outer world. I really don't think the complete isolation my husband and I live in helps. I was reflecting upon how I haven't had a friend (in real life) since I was 11! and how utterly abnormal that must be... Not that I care about being abnormal - indeed, I revel in it - but it just feels that perhaps life has been lacking. I've had only one online friend in all that time too, but that friendship ended last year due to differences in opinion... Though, to be honest it had been falling apart for years, with her hardly even acknowledging my existence half the time. I just feel like I need a friend - a real friend, not just someone who is nice who talks to me because they're bored - but someone who cares genuinely... But someone who can interact in life too, not just through typed words on a screen... But then, my anxiety is so great that I doubt I could actually handle that...Meh, the feeling will pass, it always does.
I feel guilty for feeling bad when I have so much to be thankful for though... Meh.
I've just been feeling a lack of connection to the outer world. I really don't think the complete isolation my husband and I live in helps. I was reflecting upon how I haven't had a friend (in real life) since I was 11! and how utterly abnormal that must be... Not that I care about being abnormal - indeed, I revel in it - but it just feels that perhaps life has been lacking. I've had only one online friend in all that time too, but that friendship ended last year due to differences in opinion... Though, to be honest it had been falling apart for years, with her hardly even acknowledging my existence half the time. I just feel like I need a friend - a real friend, not just someone who is nice who talks to me because they're bored - but someone who cares genuinely... But someone who can interact in life too, not just through typed words on a screen... But then, my anxiety is so great that I doubt I could actually handle that...Meh, the feeling will pass, it always does.
I feel guilty for feeling bad when I have so much to be thankful for though... Meh.
Starry would you ever consider joining a hobby group of some sort ? Maybe something that you could bring your husband to a few times initially until you felt you could manage going on your own? You could gradually get to know other people through shared interest and maybe makes some new friends?
There are definitely some perks to having SA. During my childhood and teenage years, I was immature, didn't have good role models, and made poor decisions. If I never had SA, I would probably be out partying, getting drunk, trying to be popular, getting into relationships that I'm not ready for, and succumbing to peer pressure. It's the SA and agoraphobia that stopped me from doing these things. Being introverted I'm also a deep reflective thinker. But having too much SA can be bad.
Starry
Well-known member
With my agoraphobia as it is at present that's impossible. Even without my agoraphobia my social phobia is so severe that I don't think I'd be able to... AS I said in my post, the feeling will pass soon, so I'm just going to "grin and bear it".
twiggle
Well-known member
I've just spoken to my friend who locked herself in a bathroom out of fear the other night after her boyfriend grabbed her aggressively (the first physical form of abuse we've heard of following a year of verbal abuse and aggression).
Just as I suspected she'd do, she evaded the topic completely. She is in denial. I can't blame her for this, I serve victims of D.V in my job and it's an all-too common trait to be this way after an attack.
The trouble is I don't know how to broach the subject with her. Only four of us know what's going on, and two of us in particular are her best friends. If we don't say anything, who will? I feel like I have to make my feelings about this clear to her. I've tried in the past but she conveniently sweeps it away as soon as he is being nice to her again.
I don't think I have the assertiveness to be firm about this, and say what I really think, because I know it might upset her... and maybe I'm wrong, maybe there's not as much danger in this as I think there is... but... what if there is?
For now, she'll keep inviting him along to everything we organise, and he'll keep being nice to everyone, and we'll keep thinking, "Maybe he's not so bad afterall"... and then a few days later we'll get that panicked text message again. And each time the nature of the abuse will escalate...
I think I need to just bite the bullet and tell her these thoughts of mine ^.
I know she won't be pleased to hear it. But arguably, if that's the case, then maybe it's a sign she senses truth in it. And perhaps she'll take action then.
Nobody worry about replying to this. I've helped myself just by typing it out.
Just as I suspected she'd do, she evaded the topic completely. She is in denial. I can't blame her for this, I serve victims of D.V in my job and it's an all-too common trait to be this way after an attack.
The trouble is I don't know how to broach the subject with her. Only four of us know what's going on, and two of us in particular are her best friends. If we don't say anything, who will? I feel like I have to make my feelings about this clear to her. I've tried in the past but she conveniently sweeps it away as soon as he is being nice to her again.
I don't think I have the assertiveness to be firm about this, and say what I really think, because I know it might upset her... and maybe I'm wrong, maybe there's not as much danger in this as I think there is... but... what if there is?
For now, she'll keep inviting him along to everything we organise, and he'll keep being nice to everyone, and we'll keep thinking, "Maybe he's not so bad afterall"... and then a few days later we'll get that panicked text message again. And each time the nature of the abuse will escalate...
I think I need to just bite the bullet and tell her these thoughts of mine ^.
I know she won't be pleased to hear it. But arguably, if that's the case, then maybe it's a sign she senses truth in it. And perhaps she'll take action then.
Nobody worry about replying to this. I've helped myself just by typing it out.
Ah I'm very sorry to hear that. I can relate. Are you able to get out much?
Starry
Well-known member
I go out daily for a walk around a coupe of fields opposite my home. Recently I've been trying to extend it a little, very slowly... But I have a long way to go yet.
Fields? You must be rural are you, that's very nice. That's very good, very positive action. Hopefully 2013 will be your year!
Starry
Well-known member
Yes, lots of fields all around and t is nice - much easier to deal with agoraphobia without people around! And I hope 2013 will be a good year too. Certainly I feel much more positive about it than I did 2012!
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Aye, maybe it will be, Opaline. I don't know.... :idontknow: But it hasn't been a great start for me, personally. :sad: But hopefully, it'll be great.
I'll try ma best tae remain optimistic. (Sorry if that sounds a wee bit cynical)
EscapeArtist
Well-known member
it's just a bad day. was on a roll there for a few days, exercising eating okay, studying. today i feel more guilt and self hatred than i can imagine. i finally don't qualify for child support and i have to either get a job or get on disability asap, and disability feels more realistic than full time work where I am. But i don't know if I can handle feeling like such a failure to my family... one of half of my family doesn't believe in depression, just laziness. I spoke about the whole disability thing to my older sister who was over for a few minutes and she just looked at me and said "what are you talking about, just get a job". not only that but my fear of going outside is so extreme lately, I don't even know how to get on disability like this All one big sigh, so much guilt, want to disappear so i'm not such a burden (not die), not deserving..
gummybear22
Well-known member
depressed cuz of my looks.
and i've been in a phase of not caring to eat dinner.
and i've been in a phase of not caring to eat dinner.
awkwardamanda
Well-known member
In The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, "42" is the answer to "life, the universe, and everything."
awkwardamanda
Well-known member
^ Ah I haven't seen it
Edit I don't know if I should admit that, arthur dent will surely have something to say about that!!!!
I actually haven't seen the movie. Only read the book.