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Old 2 Days Ago
GraybeardGhost's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Graeme1988 View Post
Fair enough... Ye might huv a point there aboot tha camera. Ah wus only tryin' tae empathize with ye, though. Wus'nae huv a go at ye or take ma angry oot on you.

Sorry if it came across like that to you. Ah don't know whit else to say...
I understand, Graeme, and I apologize for taking my frustration out on you. It's just that your post hit a nerve right at the core of my SA issues, kind of a tender spot. No offense taken or intended, my friend.
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Old 2 Days Ago
Graeme1988's Avatar
Hie ye hence from me heath!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GraybeardGhost View Post
I understand, Graeme, and I apologize for taking my frustration out on you. It's just that your post hit a nerve right at the core of my SA issues, kind of a tender spot. No offense taken or intended, my friend.
Aww, it's BDD, innit? Ah feel like right gobshite for not realising til ye mentioned the camera and if we met for real. Nae need to apologies for venting yer frustration on me. If anything, ah deserved you ragin' at me for how ma post came across. It was a bit brutal. Sorry that ah triggered an issue at the core of SA,

But ah can relate to feelin' insecure of my appearance. It's a factor in my SA as well. Having experience racism due to being mixed race, most of my life. Even as an adult.
Still am glad yer no offended or anythin'. The last thing ah want to do here is cause too much drama.
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Old 2 Days Ago
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Also, Graybeard, dinnae be scared tae f***in' make me aware when ah've said summit that got to ye. As ye have just done. Just cuz am fae Scotland and ma avatar is a reference tae that. It doesnae mean when confronted aboot summiit ah said oan here am gonnae response pittin' tha blame on you, swear at ye or anythin' like that. Which ah could do, but am no that kinda fella.

Plus, that kinda behaviour wouldnae help matters.

Anyway, aw tha best, pal. Take care. Sorry again. Ah know we've aw got our issues & insecurities on here. Ah'll be a bit mair, eh, considerate aboot how ah phrase ma posts in future.
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Old 2 Days Ago
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Had a great day today. Finally got to take the driving road test and passed. I even got a call from somebody for a phone interview and have a face to face interview with them tomorrow.

I got to have dinner with my friends family but because I'm so shy ot made me feel bad.

When I got home I cried. I HATE being shy!
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Old 1 Day Ago
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I feel a tad better right now, but maybe that's just because I have an Rx for Wellbutrin waiting for me that I'm picking up tomorrow morning. I hope it works and makes life and dealing with people more bearable (and doesn't make me seem crazier than I already am).
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Old 1 Day Ago
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anomicdeer View Post
Had a great day today. Finally got to take the driving road test and passed. I even got a call from somebody for a phone interview and have a face to face interview with them tomorrow.

I got to have dinner with my friends family but because I'm so shy ot made me feel bad.

When I got home I cried. I HATE being shy!
Passed the driving test.
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Old 1 Day Ago
 

Feel apathetic to everything - home, work. But somehow I'll survive as ever as I'm "calm", "polite" apparently.
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Old 1 Day Ago
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Don't particularly like myself at the moment. In fact, ah f***in' hate masel'! Think am a completely c**t - unlikeable, dour.... Just f***in' miserable.

Oh, ma mum bein' tha "Stupid. Idiot. C**t" as she's now nicknamed herself - there's somebuddy who loves themselves, huh?! Also, that nickname would be a great name if ye were every to do a stand-up comedy show durin' the Edinburgh Festival. Or just the poster alone...

But she's just be her usually toxic, negative, self. Makes me appreciate when the nurses an physiotherapist pay me a visit cuz they're actually smiling, upbeat folk. The only time ah ever smile, except when watchin' ma favourite comedy series or comedian.

Oh, and summit odd happened the day, when ma mum went for the "messages" - in other words, to the supermarket. The nurse who's huvin a quick visit to give me daily injection to prevent blood clots in ma legs forn the last month, lets herself in - as she'd be told to that first week.

Since ah cannae exactly answer the door due to the plaster casts hindering ma general mobility at the moment. Anyway, she knocks on the front door, enter tha house and goes:

"Hullo! Anybuddy home? Mr. Kanu, are ye there?" There's a short pause as ah realise that am gonnae huv tae raise ma voice a bit mair than usual here. Just enough, she hears me. But not too loud... That it scares tha shite outta her.

"Aye, am here in the livin' room - just that door oan yer right, there. "

^ Ah know that might seem trivial to y'all. But for a shy, introverted, quiet self-conscious wee man like me, that's quite an achievement in itself, especially with ma voice.

Don't ye just wish ah could be as matter of fact an tae tha point as tha rest of fellow anxious folk? At least, you're posts are a few sentences and yer f***in' done. Must be that Scottish storyteller in me? We dinnae half blether when we git goin'... Sorry.
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kilojoule (17 Hours Ago)
Old 20 Hours Ago
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Dreamy... Time to go fantasize about things I would like to happen (and then be disappointed when I come back down to reality).
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Old 19 Hours Ago
Graeme1988's Avatar
Hie ye hence from me heath!
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Sick of being f***ed with. My mum has been nuthun' but a dour, miserable bitch since ah got home from hospital after have 3 hours worth of orthopedic surgery on ma legs. Not a single positive word has been uttered by her since she visited me in hospital.

Then she has the nerve to manipulate me further by makin' me feel bad when ah telt her:
"If ah didnae ask fur it, ah don't want it."
Sorry if that makes me a bad person. Then she say she's only tryin' to help, which is fine. Just don't force things ah don't want upon me. How many f***in' time do ah huv to say: "No, ah don't want that" an just have it be accepted that ah dinnae want it, withoot me being made to feel guilty for seeming ungrateful. Am no tryin' to be difficult here.
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Old 12 Hours Ago
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Total annihilation.
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Old 11 Hours Ago
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Feeling as though its time to give it a go. Apply a few rules consistently....for ever.
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Old 8 Hours Ago
GraybeardGhost's Avatar
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I miss being alive. The afterlife is such a drag.
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Old 7 Hours Ago
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No sure how much more of this shite ah cun pit up with, to be honest.
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Old 5 Hours Ago
 

Miserable. Mind is conflicted with anxiety. Hate being at work and engaging in the banter. Even if I wanted to walk away and go for another job, too fearful of being stuck unemployed so maybe, hopefully, there's a change for the better soon!
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Old 3 Hours Ago
 

I'm just ****ing bored and lonely.
Razzlecherry is offline  
Old 3 Hours Ago
 

super anxious and super depressed at how much of a loser i am. I'm 30 years old and have accomplished nothing. I feel as if I've accumulated the life knowledge of a 12 year old because of my issues. Just a big disappointment nothing more and nothing less. Longing for the day where this cycle of misery comes to an end. Why must these things exist? Why can't we just lead normal lives? I hate this.....I....I...JUST HATE THIS SO MUCH. The worse part is the people you end up letting down that sinks you even deeper into your issues. And I know tomorrow morning when I wake up, If I am lucky I won't, it will be there to greet me again. Like an old friend that refuses to forget about you and keeps checking up on you. I just don't know how much longer I can do this for. Sorry, but I just had to write it out :(
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Old 37 Minutes Ago
this_portrait's Avatar
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My stomach feels queasy, and I don't wanna take a Klonopin for it. :s
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