How are you feeling?

annoyed. i hate that i can hear the hwy from my house. i have to move somewhere quieter soon....

Trying to make myself more productive after doing nothing but sleep off and on all day. I've applied for a bunch more jobs (hopefully I'll start getting tons of calls next week), and now I have to work on this paper due by tomorrow at midnight. I think a shower will help motivate me for that.

Kiwong said:

I feel safe when I am not around people.

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I don't blame you. Most are just a bunch of ungrateful users. :thumbdown:

Don't know if ah will get through this pain and back to normal... :sad:

Constantly being undermined in ma determination to fully recovery. :kickingmyself:

Yesterday I had to put on the act as I do every single day. I made people laugh and pretended to laugh with them. Yet with every fake smile I got more and more depressed on the inside. It's like your mind is telling you *hey stop that, this isn't who you are quit pretending*. But for the sake of others I have to keep the happy show going. God I wish my life would just end already.:kickingmyself:mg::crying:

major mental meltdown

kihira said:

major mental meltdown

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Oh no .. I hope you'll feel better soon

every fiber of my being is yelling END IT END IT. ENOUGH LIVING LIKE THIS PUT A STOP TO IT NOW.:sad:

I got up this morning feeling optimistic about things. Now it's the evening and I feel pessimistic, angry, want to forget the world and be on my own forever. Yet for my wife, I have to be somewhat in control and I'm so far from that she probably doesn't have a clue.. I'm screwed.

For aw tha pain, there is progress. Today hus been a very good day.

kihira said:

major mental meltdown

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Hope you can ride it out and the storm passes

SilentAndShy said:

I got up this morning feeling optimistic about things. Now it's the evening and I feel pessimistic, angry, want to forget the world and be on my own forever. Yet for my wife, I have to be somewhat in control and I'm so far from that she probably doesn't have a clue.. I'm screwed.

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Hope things turn out for the better for you. I know what it's like having to pretend everything is fine on a daily basis. For me personally I get more and more destroyed on the inside because it's not who I am unfortunately. So all I can say is hang in there as that is the same thing I am trying to do myself.:sad:

Guilt, loneliness, an uncomfortable awareness of my own repugnance—these are my more prominent feelings at the present moment. I do not expect them to pass anytime soon.

I got through an anxiety-provoking moment today with no problems. That is all.

this_portrait said:

I got through an anxiety-provoking moment today with no problems. That is all.

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Well done for not letting anxiety get the better of you.

as this day progresses, I am sinking deeper and deeper.:sad: So much sadness so much regret.

Horrible.First I'm feeling like I just threw away $1000 I can't afford to repay. I spent the money on art classes that i wanted to take to help me out at a job that i applied for. #2 the job in question, I explained I was only interested in the outdoor position due to not being ok in tight spaces and having strobe lights irritate my damaged retinas. They call me back and say they want me for the indoor part of the job, put on the spot I stupidly agree. I wanted the job as a way to be free of my annoying boyfriend, even if it would only be for the weekends. getting away from his highly repetitive annoying little sounds, constant texting stupid little words he thinks is funny, chewing like a cow, soda chugging, constant early to bed, workout, food routine with no passion or romance and next to no affection (I doubt he knows what foreplay is or that sex is supposed to last longer than 12 seconds) getting away from hime even just for 6 weekends would be wonderful.
But the job they gave me involves close tight spaces, strobe lights and I don't have any depth perception.
I know I'm going to hate the job thanks to them not listening to my request to honor my wishes due to my disability.
so i have a few choices, 1 kindly ask to be placed outside (fat chance) 2 put up with the headaches and claustraphobia of the offered position 3 let the company doown, quit or refuse the job and spend my time with chug, cud7pm bedtime MR. no romance just comic book movies.

Basicly at age 34 I feel I have no options

So lonely. I wish there was a way to talk with someone withoout it seeming like they HAVE to talk to me.

That doesn't make sense.

defiance said:

every fiber of my being is yelling END IT END IT. ENOUGH LIVING LIKE THIS PUT A STOP TO IT NOW.:sad:

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Unfortunately sometimes it takes hitting absolute rock-bottom to "motivate" oneself into making much-needed changes. :sad: :thinking:

I know it's all in my head