Jungle
1
I forbid you to say that buddy, you are an awesome person!
How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
defiance
Well-known member
I cannot possibly express in words how much I feel this way myself. Words only go so far. I'm really sorry you feel this way, but for what it is worth you aren't alone.:crying:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Awesome - maybe? Aye sure. You'd probably think different of me if ye ever met me in real life, though.
Well, to be fair, ah feel like burden only because ah rely too much upon my family. And they guilt-trip me a lot because of this.
To be honest, I'm fed-up with huvin to tell them that ah don't have an agenda when ah ask them to do summit for me, unlike them whenever they ask me to do anything for them.
But then, ah can't get them to help with clearing out ma bedroom, so ah've just gave askin', ah'll do it when I'm back to full health next year. F**k it. I'm tired with being nice aw the time.
It get ye nowhere in life nowadays.
worrywort
Well-known member
I'm glad you exist Graeme. You seem like a decent guy.
planemo
Well-known member
Oh man, that's tough. Sorry to hear that.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
SilentAndShy
Well-known member
I used to really look forward to weekends before marriage, just it was something to look forward to. Now I don't. Marriage and the anxiety/stress of life has taken that away and now, sadly, I look forward to Sunday evening preparing for work the next day. But the rubbish thing is, I don't enjoy work sometimes due to some anxiety moments but I'd rather be there than work. I'm at a low ebb, just want to disappear into my own world..
defiance
Well-known member
............If ever a day........IF EVER A F*****G DAY FOR ME TO END IT ALL IT WOULD BE TODAY. I AM NOT WELL.........DEAR GOD I AM NOT WELL. I have to be careful. All I want to do is ball my eyes out man..........WHAT IS THIS NIGHTMARE.................I have to keep telling myself that I'll make it...somehow I'll make it because I don't have a choice.:crying::crying::crying:
theslowesthand
Banned
Yeah i often feel the same. I just tell myself 'this will pass' or 'this will all pass' or 'this life is just an illusion', etc ... which provides some minor comfort ... keeping in mind that loss of hope is depression's main weapon (which is a lie, as is everything about depression)
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Yes, understanding is huge. So may ppl lack it and only start to care once they've had a taste of it personally.
(I'm hoping you're referring to SA, depression or the like. I am.)
BlueDays
1
I don't believe that feeling is "kind of pathetic" Opal, not at all. If someone had a caring mother as a child, I don't believe anything in adult life is as comforting as your mothers reassuring words and/or hugs experienced as a young child.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
More miserable with each passing day. :sad: Just want ma life end so ah don't huv to struggle anymore. I'm too weak to keep going despite the adversity. Ah feel I've reached ma breaking point mentally. Actually thought aboot ending it last night. Which would, if nowt else, free everybuddy else o' the burden o' caring for a disabled bloke like me. And ah just make folk uncomfortable with ma presence. :: As well as masel', but that goes withoot sayin' - SA and all.
: As well as masel', but that goes withoot sayin' - SA and all.
Louco
Well-known member
I'm under the impression that a lot of people don't understand because they don't want to. It's easier and more comforting to think your son/brother/etc just have a bad time dealing with some things but will overcome it eventually than acknowledge a mental disorder which needs proper treatment.
I don't believe that feeling is "kind of pathetic" Opal, not at all. If someone had a caring mother as a child, I don't believe anything in adult life is as comforting as your mothers reassuring words and/or hugs experienced as a young child.
I never had that. So instead of this, I always felt like there's nowhere to run, making me angry and resentful against the world.
If you ask me, behaving like a cornered animal is way worse than feeling like needing some love and protection.
defiance
Well-known member
More miserable with each passing day. :sad: Just want ma life end so ah don't huv to struggle anymore. I'm too weak to keep going despite the adversity. Ah feel I've reached ma breaking point mentally. Actually thought aboot ending it last night. Which would, if nowt else, free everybuddy else o' the burden o' caring for a disabled bloke like me. And ah just make folk uncomfortable with ma presence. :
Every single day is truly a struggle isn't it? I mean I wake up and tell myself every morning "today is going to be a great day, things will go my way from this day forward"........then reality sets in. I've had dreams where I hung myself, shot myself, and I felt as if it was real. Basically mentally speaking I'm ready to go as well....but of course because of other people that we have to consider we have to stick around. However that can only last so long, at least in my case. :sad:
defiance
Well-known member
I had a great dream for once, first in a long while. There was no one that ever suffered in any way shape or form. Everyone was happy and living life to the fullest. I mean my god it was great. Then you wake up to the nightmare that is your existence and then it's back to routine. I would do anything ANYTHING if I could turn back the hands of time and prevent myself from ever existing. I am a burden and a loser.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
It's too feckin' warm! Huv'nae had a goodnight's sleep in 3 days. Lying in bed sweatin' like... [insert derogatory fat person joke here].
Also, start to get really pissed off that everytime ah attempt to take control of my life, my lazy, ignorant, c*nty, smug, know-it-all matriarchal family delight in tellin' me wrong. Me? So, ah don't know what's best for me... F**k off!
Yet, I'm the one living with cerebral palsy, but whit do I know, huh? F**k all, apparently. :kickingmyself: So much for being sensible. FML!! :thumbdown: This miserable co-dependent nightmare won't end for me until my mum dies. :: And there's gonnae mixed emotions from me on that day, much to my sisters distress.
Never make the mistake of thinking people who constantly treat you like shit are even capable of changing. They're not, y'know why? 'Cause they are controlling, manipultive c*nts who don't like taking responsibility whenever they're wrong.
Also, start to get really pissed off that everytime ah attempt to take control of my life, my lazy, ignorant, c*nty, smug, know-it-all matriarchal family delight in tellin' me wrong. Me? So, ah don't know what's best for me... F**k off!
Yet, I'm the one living with cerebral palsy, but whit do I know, huh? F**k all, apparently. :kickingmyself: So much for being sensible. FML!! :thumbdown: This miserable co-dependent nightmare won't end for me until my mum dies. :
: And there's gonnae mixed emotions from me on that day, much to my sisters distress.Never make the mistake of thinking people who constantly treat you like shit are even capable of changing. They're not, y'know why? 'Cause they are controlling, manipultive c*nts who don't like taking responsibility whenever they're wrong.
defiance
Well-known member
I can't believe I am saying this but it is the truth. After not being able to sleep last night and contemplating suicide again I have decided that I will not allow myself to see 40. I will not. I suffer too much and enough is enough. The only reason I will allow myself to go on for a few more years is for the sake of others and then I am gone. NO MORE I WILL SUFFER NO MORE. I honestly don't have anything else to post here. Maybe I won't post ever again I don't know. But I am done.
