theslowesthand
Banned
Yep, you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't. Quite the catch-22.
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How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
theslowesthand
Banned
As often is the case in my rat-shitty life, the only answer is to PISS-THE-FECK-OFF mentally (ie get totally pissed) :sad:
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Opaline
1
Feel anxious and d o w n today. But determined not to remain that way. I wonder if certain lifestyle changes will make a significant difference over time or not? Hope so. It's really frustrating having difficulties with anxiety. I just want to enjoy life while I'm still here and stop feeling badly all the damn time. Sick of it.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Done with life... Just had enougjh of this shtty life o' mine.
Apparently, being nice is a f**kin' character flaw in ma family.
I can't even ask my family to somethin' for me without them tellin' me I'm a c*nt or my mum accusing of talkin' to her like she's stupid, every-feckin'-time. :kickingmyself: Might as well avoid all people at this point in ma life. Because clearly there's somethin' about that makes me instantly unlikeable. Probably ma face. The sad irony is that were I do doin' myself in the right now, they f**kin' start appreciatin' and caring about me. More so than they do now. :sad:
Apparently, being nice is a f**kin' character flaw in ma family.
I can't even ask my family to somethin' for me without them tellin' me I'm a c*nt or my mum accusing of talkin' to her like she's stupid, every-feckin'-time. :kickingmyself: Might as well avoid all people at this point in ma life. Because clearly there's somethin' about that makes me instantly unlikeable. Probably ma face. The sad irony is that were I do doin' myself in the right now, they f**kin' start appreciatin' and caring about me. More so than they do now. :sad:
GraybeardGhost
Well-known member
Now the worrying begins.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Must be great going on a 2 weeks holiday somewhere nice, away from the family.
Though, if it were me, I'd f**k off and never look back. The amount of stress, drama and unnecessary turmoil my family cause me... Pretty sure I'm going to ended up dead with the amount of rage I'm constantly told to supress.
Hate being cause in the middle of it, forced to take sides in argument that ah couldnae give a f**k about. Gimme peace. Or is that too much to ask?
Though, if it were me, I'd f**k off and never look back. The amount of stress, drama and unnecessary turmoil my family cause me... Pretty sure I'm going to ended up dead with the amount of rage I'm constantly told to supress.
Hate being cause in the middle of it, forced to take sides in argument that ah couldnae give a f**k about. Gimme peace. Or is that too much to ask?
GraybeardGhost
Well-known member
I'm struggling to convince myself that I really don't need to keep five year old deposit receipts for a bank account I'm planning to close anyway. Why is this so difficult? Sometimes I think I'd be better off without my brain. :kickingmyself:
Jungle
1
I am doing the same with pretty much everything, supermarket receipts, tramway & metro tickets, bank accounts....etc
This, my bearded friend, is called paranoïa, at least you'll have a written proof of where you were that day and that hour, if people would suspect you of anything.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah feel about ready to buckle under the strain of it all.
Too many people want me to stuff for 'em, and I'm just too nice to say "No" for fear o' lettin' 'em down.
Yet there's stuff ah need to do for masel', yet ah never give masel' a break.
Too many people want me to stuff for 'em, and I'm just too nice to say "No" for fear o' lettin' 'em down.
Yet there's stuff ah need to do for masel', yet ah never give masel' a break.
GraybeardGhost
Well-known member
I'm not sure I would call this paranoia, exactly, though I have occasionally imagined myself being questioned by the police (regarding whom I really am paranoid) and having to prove my whereabouts at a certain time by means of a Walmart receipt or something like that. It's an unlikely scenario, but then you never really know with the fuzz, do you? Sooner or later, they'll come for us all.
I think this is more of an OCD thing, coupled with anxiety over changing the way I do things and letting stuff go. I'm in the process of going through my files (and everything else), tossing stuff I no longer need, eliminating redundancies, and so forth, trying to introduce some sort of order into my otherwise haphazard life. It's a long, arduous road rife with potholes, unexpected detours, and washouts. I have at least twelve years worth of receipts to go through; I'm hoping it will get easier as I go along.
Thanks for your response, Jungle. I'm glad I'm not the only one struggling with something like this.
GraybeardGhost
Well-known member
Digging through these old papers reminds me of so many things I can't do anymore, places I can't go, friends I'll never see again. My life as it is now is not worth the pain. I want a way out.
theslowesthand
Banned
He he, been there done that.
I wrote a small program to display total years, total days, total minutes, total seconds left before my "expiry", but it of course was VERY VERY approximate, as there's no way to know. So i set an exact date, which i am well past now.
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defiance
Well-known member
He he, been there done that.
I wrote a small program to display total years, total days, total minutes, total seconds left before my "expiry", but it of course was VERY VERY approximate, as there's no way to know. So i set an exact date, which i am well past now.
Lol thanks for that as I needed a bit of a laugh right about now. Well I mean you know how these things go. When you're sad almost all the time and stricken with anxiety as well you start to think of almost everything within the sad spectrum:bigsmile:.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah wish people understood what ma life with a disablity is like, instead of thinkin' they know my experience better than ah do.
