How are you feeling?

Vaporous, like the aimless wisps of fog that wander across lonely mountain roads late at night. Am I still here? Still alive? Does anyone know or care? How am I supposed to know these things, and do they really matter anymore? I think I'm fading—there's not much left of me now. I'm dissipating, vanishing into the cool, dark night from which I came.

GraybeardGhost said:

Vaporous, like the aimless wisps of fog that wander across lonely mountain roads late at night. Am I still here? Still alive? Does anyone know or care? How am I supposed to know these things, and do they really matter anymore? I think I'm fading—there's not much left of me now. I'm dissipating, vanishing into the cool, dark night from which I came.

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I can relate there, Graybeard.
Though, can I just say, the opening line of this post is f**kin' beautiful. :thumbup: I wish I had a way with words, like you do.

If not for the fact that I said I would wait until 35 to off myself, I might consider doing it today. I am so miserable right now. Just so unbelievably miserable. Why me man. What did I do to deserve this.

awful.

I watched some commentary on the coming election. I have been holding out because I know it will only depress me more.
I am embarrassed to be human after seeing what is going on.

I want to live on another planet OR better yet wipe this one clean except for SPW people who we would never meet up anyways.

defiance said:

If not for the fact that I said I would wait until 35 to off myself, I might consider doing it today. I am so miserable right now. Just so unbelievably miserable. Why me man. What did I do to deserve this.

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Aye, felt that way myself. Well, not lately. But, ah know how you feel.

MollyBeGood said:

I want to live on another planet OR better yet wipe this one clean except for SPW people who we would never meet up anyways.

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Now yer talkin', hen. Though would that be a great planet to live on, with just the likes o' us milling about? :question:

I feel like smashin' ma glass computer desk... with ma face. :kickingmyself Awww, why me? Why d'they always come to me?

They bought the printer, so it's on them. Nuthin' tae do with me... Ah tried tae tell them no tae buy it, warned 'em in fact.

But d'they ever listen to me? Whit Graeme?! Exactly! :thumbdown: The cupid stunts! Awww, ya daft fu.. Ah could just greet. :crying: mg:

Graeme1988 said:

Now yer talkin', hen. Though would that be a great planet to live on, with just the likes o' us milling about? :question:

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Lol Hen

Well the idea is we would have our own islands if we wanted. Safe havens with no social interaction unless we wanted.

MollyBeGood said:

Lol Hen

Well the idea is we would have our own islands if we wanted. Safe havens with no social interaction unless we wanted.

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Dare I say this would be heaven for us. At least for someone like me. Knowing that the people around you will never judge you because they understand how you feel would be a dream come true. If you find such a place please inform me

Graeme1988 said:

I feel like smashin' ma glass computer desk... with ma face. :kickingmyself Awww, why me? Why d'they always come to me?

They bought the printer, so it's on them. Nuthin' tae do with me... Ah tried tae tell them no tae buy it, warned 'em in fact.

But d'they ever listen to me? Whit Graeme?! Exactly! :thumbdown: The cupid stunts! Awww, ya daft fu.. Ah could just greet. :crying: mg:

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Sorry you are going through some shit again. I was hoping the next few posts I would see from you would all be positive and happy as you are at that festival.:sad:

MollyBeGood said:

. better yet wipe this one clean except for SPW people who we would never meet up anyways.

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I call dibs on Africa.

But you all are welcome to visit.

(For short periods on appointment only)

defiance said:

Sorry you are going through some shit again. I was hoping the next few posts I would see from you would all be positive and happy as you are at that festival.:sad:

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Och, it's just a slight downer. She's emailed me and phoned my mobile, but told her she'll just huv to wait til I get back. In the meantime, see if she can find a solution on her own without me. Like ah tend to do most o' the time, y'know?

Things'll should turn round on Saturday - I'm seeing 3 shows, then. Start in the afternoon and concluded at 11 o'clock at night. Plus, a few pint o' cider and I'll be grand.

So it'll be back to being positive soon enough, just hope the weather improves cause ah want to get outside while I'm still in Edinburgh and just wander about a bit, see what other mad, daft funny things I manage to witness or overhear.

Though if yer wantin' more positive post, check out my thread in the Personal Stories forum, I've been writing about what the Edinburgh Festival been like for me so far... Ah know, a shameless plug, there... Anybuddy got an 3-prong adapter? :bigsmile:

MollyBeGood said:

Lol Hen

Well the idea is we would have our own islands if we wanted. Safe havens with no social interaction unless we wanted.

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defiance said:

Dare I say this would be heaven for us. At least for someone like me. Knowing that the people around you will never judge you because they understand how you feel would be a dream come true. If you find such a place please inform me

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Have to agree with defiance, there. :thumbup:

Hoppy said:

I call dibs on Africa.

But you all are welcome to visit.

(For short periods on appointment only)

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Dibs on Scotchland, obviously. :bigsmile:

You'd be welcome anytime, except weekends. Hungover, like. Y'know... pukin' vegatable soup n' all that.

Though, if yer no a big fan of bagpipes, Deacon Blue or Runrig or most Scottish guitar-driven bands, or Rod Stewart, I'll probably be annoying if ah wus living on a remote island near the rest o' yous. Or a good laugh, depend on yer perspective.

Absolutely devastated, like. :sad:

Just got an email from the Edinburgh Fringe informing me that one of the shows I was going to see in 2 weeks just cancelled their appearance of what should've been a 10 day run of performances. And they were set to begin in 5 days. Wus so looking forward to it, tae. :kickingmyself:

Dead leaves and the dirty ground when I know you're not around.

I'm exhausted. Been feeling pretty depressed lately. I notice I have been drinking more often too.

I bit dead. Walked into work and my boss tells me I look really terrible with expression and says it looked like I had been on the boos all night. Funny that because I dont drink. But damn bdd - an the fact that my hair changed by me- just having a bad day. And then my bf drive past work and I know he is going someplace perhaps to help get some drugs for people so he can have some.

So I just feel like being on my own and not responding to anyone tonight. I mean, last night I kinda rush to go back over his place where i basically sleep every night now. And its like I get there and its like 8:30 and he goes to bed. Even tho I was tired - geez thats early for me lol.

I came over to sleep then. Not to hang out or talk or watch a film or whatever. Oh well. Ive been having nightmares too lately.

I was listening to movie reviews on the Radio. And they were talking about Australian gothic films, Picnic at hanging rock, Walkabout and Wake in Fright. The reviewer gave a great description of Toby Grant's character an English teacher who loses all his money in a two up game, a begins a decent into hell. All the other beer-addled residents love the "Gabba", but Grant feels it is hell on earth.

I thought that is exactly what living in the town I reside is like for me. I often read about the international significance of the town I live in, and how everyone "Loves the coast". For me this place is a hell on earth, this is the place I have developed a mental illness, and come to fear. I dream of an escape, and I am happiest at the departure lounge of the airport. Lately I retreat to the edges, and only feel safe before dawn looking out to sea, with my back turned on this town, and then dread heading back into town as it wakes. I have to go a long way before I feel relax, I retreat to mountains, into the wilderness, standing on the edge of a waterfall, as far away on the edges as I can get from people.

I fear the town I live, and I do wake in fright. Facing another day amongst the people of this town is a nightmare.

Everyhwere I go I am afraid, it is like I am trial. I can't escape the anger even on training runs.

I give up. Not going to waste anymore time trying to make my Mum listen to reason. Everytime I made a valid point critical of her, ah get accused of "pickin' on her" then she sulks, like a f**kin' teenager.

So, with that, I'm just going to leave her be. There will be no sympathy comin' her way from me, that' fur sure.

She doesnae want to change, despite sayin' otherwise. Doesnae want to listen, despite sayin' she understands. And she doesnae want to admit she's not got a problem, when she clearly does.

If she want to be the daft, mental, bitch in a perpetual state o' denial, then she can have it and cackle away to her wee heart's content. But ma sister can deal with her from now on, I'm done with being the bad yin all the time, when I'm just concerned for her, and tryin' tae help. :sad:

But then, our relationship has been utter shite since ah wus 6 years old. Seem like the only thing that's stayed consistent in the last 22 years of my life. Us not gettin' along. And she wonders why I'd prefer to be livin' by masel'. :sad:

So glad I've got 3 Edinburgh shows tomorrow, startin' in the afternoon and a final one ending after 11 o'clock at night. Because after the day ah've hud today, I need a good laugh. And I'd say drink, ah think that's a no brainer at this point.