How are you feeling?

Just been to town. And as always, my mood is f*cked-up. All i can do is accept the fact, and try to get thru rest of day as best as i can despite it. And i'll probably get blind drunk, listen to loud music & have crisps for dinner - again.

Feeling quite chuffed the day, my oldest sister and I assembled my new laptop desk, nae bother. Got it done in just over an hour or so.

I know, it seems simple, but it's rare that I get asked to help with anything. Since my family are always a bit overly concerned, they think I'm going to end up hurting myself in someway. So, they're still underestimating me, as per usual.

Old. I've let people make me almost give something I love away, running. I really am depressed about my current level of fitness.

OH, SWEET RELIEF!!!

Back in December, I got a jury summons in the mail to be served on this coming Monday. After the last time I had to go, which was a horrible, stressful, almost terrifying experience, I've been in a state of extreme anxiety for several weeks, lying awake most nights in suicidal despair. It has taken a severe toll on my mental and (I suspect) physical health. I literally thought I was going to have to do myself in to get out of it.

However, I just called the magic number for the Jury Clerk's office, and the recording says I don't have to go in after all. All jurors excused!!! :bigsmile:

I feel like I can breathe again for the first time in weeks. My car's still messed up (gotta get that fixed) and my skin is still rotting away (gotta get that doctored), but at least now I don't have to go downtown to the county Temple of Doom to be herded around like cattle with a hundred or more strangers and forced to bow, grovel, and humiliate myself before the majesty of the state.

Gonna sleep easy tonight, my friends. Gonna sleep real good. erfect:

GraybeardGhost said:

OH, SWEET RELIEF!!!

Back in December, I got a jury summons in the mail to be served on this coming Monday. After the last time I had to go, which was a horrible, stressful, almost terrifying experience, I've been in a state of extreme anxiety for several weeks, lying awake most nights in suicidal despair. It has taken a severe toll on my mental and (I suspect) physical health. I literally thought I was going to have to do myself in to get out of it.

However, I just called the magic number for the Jury Clerk's office, and the recording says I don't have to go in after all. All jurors excused!!! :bigsmile:

I feel like I can breathe again for the first time in weeks. My car's still messed up (gotta get that fixed) and my skin is still rotting away (gotta get that doctored), but at least now I don't have to go downtown to the county Temple of Doom to be herded around like cattle with a hundred or more strangers and forced to bow, grovel, and humiliate myself before the majesty of the state.

Gonna sleep easy tonight, my friends. Gonna sleep real good. erfect:

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I've been there.
Got one of those in the mail a few years ago. Went to my GP and asked for an excuse because anxiety.
It worked!
They don't want people with anxiety serving on a jury.
They actually said that they would never pick my name again.

I've to jury duty on a few occasions. Once I went through the ballot an was not drawn to be on the jury. Last two times I made excuse based on anxiety and work and was excused. Haven't been summoned for 6 years.

Been drinking all day .. today .. hooray!
I don't care what people say
I've got habits and they're here to stay
K

Wish we could turn back time..


To the good old days.

When the mama's sang us to sleep but now we're stressed out

theslowesthand said:

Been drinking all day .. today .. hooray!
I don't care what people say
I've got habits and they're here to stay
K

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If only I were allowed to do the same. :sad:

I was recently humiliated in the presence of a stranger for something that wasn't a big deal. I won't go into the details of the ordeal but the outcome was that I ended up turning red in the face and feeling like I was less than nothing while this person, I am sure, heard everything. Then I have to pretend like all is well and so did this stranger, but I knew he heard what had happened and I just wanted to die. It felt like being stripped of your humanity at that moment. Sadly, for many of us, s**t like this is a common day occurrence I suppose. Every morning that I wake up there is an unwritten agenda just for me and it states "So lets see just how much mental rape you can take today." I just want my life to be done and over with soooo bad. It's like I said in a previous post that I feel as if I have overstayed my welcome and that it is time for me to go.:crying:

Defiance, your statement "I feel as if I have overstayed my welcome" rings so true! That's how I feel, when I'm really depressed. Usually, I try to suffocate such thoughts, but these last days I felt this way one too many times.

Today was not a good day: most of the time I felt stressed and down, because I simply have no clue what to do with myself and I can't discuss it with anyone (sadly only with my therapist and that only through email, because we don't live in the same city any more). I would like to reset my life, to start with a clean slate, but I doubt I could leave my fears and anxiousness behind :sad:

Then I had to get a new lightbulb for my bathroom (2 weeks in this tiny "flat" and already something broke ). So I went to the store to buy a new one - guess what??!! Back home, taking the bulb out of the packaging, I notice the yellowish stains on the "new" piece... But because I didn't want to bother to go back to the store...I put the bulb in and tried switching it on - obviously it was broken! I tried to take it out again, but it was stuck and the glass broke. :veryangry:
Now, I went back to the store (while acting out in my head what I would say and what I could expect their answer would be.., while finding out on the way there, that the lightbulb was from a different company as on the packaging). So, back at the store I explained to the clerk what happened. HE obviously believed my right away and told his superior that "apparently she got this other one from one of ours...".
Well, I got the right one after that and didn't have to pay for this new one (admittedly I broke the old one - but that one had already been used up AND had been broken, which obviously I couldn't prove!!!)

Things like this happen to me all the time. Luck is a thing unknown to my singular, pitifully small universe.

Unmotivated. Demoralised. Devoid of any joy in life. :sad:

Alos, is there a word to describe when you're constantly being told what to do by someone, or when a person telling you that you wrong about something, then that person never gives ye the reason why? :question: I know, someone brainier than me will probably know what I mean, I just cannae find correct word.

I'm fed-up with my family constantly reminded me what I can't do as a result of my disabled. And telling me that there's people worse off than me doesn't help me feel any better about my situation. :veryangry:

I hate that I'm constantly told to fit in more, while at the same having making up for my shortcoming, as well as trying to hide my disabilty, which is a bit difficult, given the wheelchair and the crutches. :kickingmyself:

everyone always leaves me in the end. as soon as I'm not worth anything to them anymore, they hit the road. which proves that they obviously never cared about me to begin with. its why I'm not a friendly person. I just can't stand letting someone in just to have them eventually turn on me. It just happened again recently when Sarah ditched me...I really feel like my trust issues are even worse now.

I have to go against my intuition to trust people and when it turns out I was right the whole time it really just strengthens that wall I have between me and other people

Iv been let down by so many people...even those who claim to love me...


sometimes I feel like malcom from Jurassic park as in"I hate being right all the time"

I feel alright. I just went to an appointment that I had with a professional. I'm trying to do my homework but I feel very distracted. My OCD tendencies keep creeping up on me. I feel a little tired too.

AtTheGates said:

everyone always leaves me in the end. as soon as I'm not worth anything to them anymore, they hit the road. which proves that they obviously never cared about me to begin with. its why I'm not a friendly person. I just can't stand letting someone in just to have them eventually turn on me. It just happened again recently when Sarah ditched me...I really feel like my trust issues are even worse now.

I have to go against my intuition to trust people and when it turns out I was right the whole time it really just strengthens that wall I have between me and other people

Iv been let down by so many people...even those who claim to love me...


sometimes I feel like malcom from Jurassic park as in"I hate being right all the time"

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Not saying this to make you feel more shitty, but as a disabled person, I often feel the same way, and definitely relate. Very much so. Trust issues and all. Since I feel people tend to leave me as well, once they realise I'm not as interesting or fun to be around, given my physical limitations. :sad:

And sorry to hear you're still hurting from yer friend cutting you out of her life. It's an experience I know all to well with people.

Graeme1988 said:

Not saying this to make you feel more shitty, but as a disabled person, I often feel the same way, and definitely relate. Very much so. Trust issues and all. Since I feel people tend to leave me as well, once they realise I'm not as interesting or fun to be around, given my physical limitations. :sad:

And sorry to hear you're still hurting from yer friend cutting you out of her life. It's an experience I know all to well with people.

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its alright, man. i know what you mean.
when it really comes down to it, ALOT of people only care about what you have to offer them I guess. its hard to find the ones who will stick around even when you can't give them what they want. TRUE friends are rare...at least for ME they are.

Wish I had someplace to go. There is really no place worth going to in this God forsaken town.

AtTheGates said:

its alright, man. i know what you mean.
when it really comes down to it, ALOT of people only care about what you have to offer them I guess. its hard to find the ones who will stick around even when you can't give them what they want. TRUE friends are rare...at least for ME they are.

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Oh, same here. I feel that way abput my family sometimes, as far as only caring about me when I have something to offer them.

As for TRUE friends, those are equally rare for me as well. I've only ever had one person I can say was that for me. But sadly, we drifted apart as I got older, coupled with the fact we didn't live in the same town.

Graeme1988 said:

Alos, is there a word to describe when you're constantly being told what to do by someone, or when a person telling you that you wrong about something, then that person never gives ye the reason why? :question: I know, someone brainier than me will probably know what I mean, I just cannae find correct word

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Would that word be "dogmatic"?

theslowesthand said:

Would that word be "dogmatic"?

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:thinking: Aye, let go with that, why no? Couldn't tell ye, to be honest.
All I know is, I'm sick of being constantly undermined everytime I make a decision for myself. :thumbdown: