how bad is hope

aloneloner

Active member
I cant afford a therapist, I have no one close to me that I can talk to...
I have no hope to get any help, this is the only place i can get this out...

i hear voices in my head... ive heard that schizophrenics often hear voices in their head, but never thought i had schizophrenia.. I've only ever heard of them having "violent" voices, but my voices are just "criticism"
and my voices correspond to people around me. like I'll be walking down the street and a car will drive past, I'll "hear" the driver saying i look like a weirdo, but i know even if they did say anything there is no way i could hear them. Its always short and vague, like "creep", "weirdo", "crazy"
This goes on constantly, its the worst when I'm right outside my house, I feel like my neighbors are at their windows watching me and their voices just cloud my head and its debilitating. its not too bad around strangers if I think I will never see them again, but it effects all relations with people.. I'm constantly seeking approval from people..I dont know what people are actually thinking about me, but I assume its mostly negative, I realize this and have mostly just tried ignoring it for now, I have some debt i need to get rid of, so my bosses approval is more important for now, but I still try to keep my coworkers from completely hating me. I try to always be nice to people, I see no reason to be mean to anyone.

with all the criticism in my head, I dont think anyone could ever like or accept me...
I recently starting talking to a girl at work, mostly just small talk, but she is leaving for another job soon. She knows I'm looking for a side job to get rid of my debt quicker and she said her brother might be able to help me out, she said I wouldn't want her brother to text me so she gave me her number... I texted her so she had my number and she texted back saying to keep in touch after she leaves this job
I'm not sure what to do here.. I like her, but can she like someone like me? she seems to, but I tend to put on an act to get people to accept me, she probably just likes the actor, not me. we haven't seen each other outside of work, I'm not even sure what she expects by me "keeping in touch", I don't have friends, I don't hang out with people...I've been overthinking it now but maybe she thinks I'm crazy and just wants to see how I'll react to her acting like she likes me.
Part of me just wants to ignore it and just focus on getting out of debt, with my problems I've kinda just accepted that I'll always be alone, but I'm still hopeful, unfortunately
 

RegalSin

Well-known member
Stop giving a @$@!! about whatever just be honest with her and how he could thank her enough and do not be afraid. Maybe go out dancing, clubbing, bar hopping, and etc. Stay away from the alcohol ( until things get better ) too much.

About the voices. Those are our memories and they guide us. For me when I sleep and dream, or randomly start talking I just write it down or record it. Eventually I get to the paper and I sketch it out until I see all together. In fact that is my abilities. In illustration.


Point being art ( painting, sining, dancing, clay molding ) etc is a great way to express your emotions and maybe you could make a piece that could sell for tons of money or bring somebody joy or peace of some sort.

Just draw something in a little sketch pad ( or like my fellow artist ) inside an ipad, or touch screen phone program. Carry a little tape recorder. Maybe you could make a new song or album.

I will admit I say terrible things outloud in front of my family and only now I have to tell them "Honestly I have to say things and get them out and over with in order to progress".
Like I honestly I have to "practice my speech" in front the mirror or when I go on my walks". In fact you probably need some exersize to burn those negatives emotions.

I have been sitting on my but all this time working on stuff.

Can deaf people also hear voices i wonder :question:

Virbrations....in fact all language is probably from small sounds in nature
 

DanielLewis

Well-known member
You're not schizophrenic; you're just very insecure. You just need to retrain your thinking patterns so you're not so focused on what others think of you all the time. Really, you can't read minds and that's what you're trying to do. It's a common practice for insecure people with low self esteem. I've done the same thing.

As a person who is alone and has no friends or social life, you should accept every single invitation people extend to you. If someone asks you to hang out, do it. It doesn't matter what happens. You've got nothing to lose, but a lot to gain.

So, with this girl, stop overthinking things. It sounds like she may like you, as a friend or not. It certainly sounds like she didn't give you here number only so she can help you find a side job. You should be able to tell that from your exchanges. Just make sure to keep in touch with her and relax. When you have no friends or social life, it's harder to relax and not act around people because you tend to be more outcome dependent (like building a friendship or getting a girlfriend). You feel the need to perform for the person because, since you have no social life, you think that's evidence that people won't like the real you. I'm not saying don't act at all. Sometimes, as a person with SA, you need to act just to get by. But, just remember at some point you have to show the real you. The real you is a STATE you're in. It's a state of being totally comfortable and at ease with not a worry in the world about what the other person thinks of you. It's saying whatever comes to mind and expressing yourself without restraint. You know, not restraining because you're thinking "Oh, will they like it if I say or do this" or "Is this funny enough to say?" It's not OVERTHINKING things. Maybe you shouldn't call it the real you; maybe it's more your best self. The best relationships come from when you can be your best self around the other person. It's not fun to analyze and question everything you do. That's stressful.
 
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What i mean is, could say a deaf schizophrenic hear voices in their head as if sby was talking aloud, although they can't hear actual real people talking aloud :question:
I suspect they could.
 
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