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Old 10-21-2010  
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Default How brains of talkative people differ from the quiet people(are we in power to change

I've been quiet for as a long as I remember myself(I'm 20).I didnít really care about it before because I had best friends who accepted me for who I am. However, after I left my friends and moved to another country I realized that I canít build friendships with people. I go to college and I never can make decent conversation with anyone, I barely ever talk. I know itís strange but I know how to smile, I know how to keep eye contact, be friendly, confident, and curious. When I try to talk to someone I ask open-ended questions but they never lead to conversation. I just canít open up anyone and I never really open up myself. I donít even talk much to my relatives and parents. I always read news, books, magazines,watch movies but it still doesn't help me to open up. I even tried different clubs but I always quit because I canít connect with anyone there. I know people who only play games and donít read at all but even they seem to be much more socialized than I am.I feel so lonely right now.


I think problem is with processing information in our brains and with the way we think. For example, I have always less to say than talkative person even If I went through the same experiences with that person. Whether it's movie, trips, parties, college classes, teachers I always have limited thoughts, thus my conversation is rather dull. I believe that it can be changed and we can improve our abilities to talk, we just need learn to think the way talkative people do. However, I currently don't know how talkative people process information which is why I'm asking you for help.
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Old 10-21-2010  
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Default Re: How brains of talkative people differ from the quiet people(are we in power to ch

It seems I'm in the same boat as you. I've tried to change my actions first without changing thoughts first but that has gone nowhere. Now I'm trying to change my thoughts in the hopes that actions will follow. I'm stuck on how to change my thoughts though. I don't know how to go about it. It not as easy as just thinking good thoughts.

I applied my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly.
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Old 10-21-2010  
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Default Re: How brains of talkative people differ from the quiet people(are we in power to ch

I find a talkative person may speak before thought. Not saying they are bad people.

Just not me.

I am a quiet person.

In Socialworld I feel I cannot take the needed amount of time to think. I will answer quickly. Say what I thought of something in three words. It was good.

I am starting to ignore that feeling and taking my time.

You'll never know nor understand how a talkative person processes information. Like quiet people we're all different and will have different ways.

This is from the mind of a quiet person.
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Old 10-21-2010  
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Default Re: How brains of talkative people differ from the quiet people(are we in power to ch

You sound very interesting, and for some reason, i like the way you write. I'm going to PM you one of these days! Hope to speak to you soon
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Old 10-21-2010  
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Default Re: How brains of talkative people differ from the quiet people(are we in power to ch

my goal atm is to do an assertive/speaking class but I do feel with my anxiety when it kicks in and im talking to someone its hard for me to concentrate and listen to what they are saying so therefore I often get them to repeat themselves or I loose train of thought
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Old 10-21-2010  
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Default Re: How brains of talkative people differ from the quiet people(are we in power to ch

I never used to be this quiet at all. I literally say nothing now. It's made work life very difficult. I literally can't find anything to say, then over analyze everything, and the pressure builds! I thought perhaps looking at things from another perspective would help, that's my new objective. I notice that talktative people, extroverts, are more openly curious about their environment and the people around them. They are rarely eloquent and say the right things, but the mere fact they engage people around them. We make it hard for them to engage us because we are very closed and unresponsive. It's a two way street that we block off. In knowing this, I feel even more frustrated, because in principle this is a very simple problem to solve, but in practice, damn near impossible!

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Originally Posted by missjesss View Post
my goal atm is to do an assertive/speaking class but I do feel with my anxiety when it kicks in and im talking to someone its hard for me to concentrate and listen to what they are saying so therefore I often get them to repeat themselves or I loose train of thought
This is actually a very good idea. I was thinking of something like this before, but backed out when I hit another low point. Regardless of how much of a train wreck this ends up being, if it gets you out of your comfort zone and in a situation to deal with the problem, you will adapt and learn, thus grow. I definitely want to try this at some point. But there's barely anything like this where I live :(
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Old 10-21-2010  
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Default Re: How brains of talkative people differ from the quiet people(are we in power to ch

I just think its funny how the advertisement I'm reading right below this thread says "I'm popular, You're not"

Face, accept, float, and let time pass...
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Old 10-21-2010  
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Default Re: How brains of talkative people differ from the quiet people(are we in power to ch

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Originally Posted by missjesss View Post
my goal atm is to do an assertive/speaking class but I do feel with my anxiety when it kicks in and im talking to someone its hard for me to concentrate and listen to what they are saying so therefore I often get them to repeat themselves or I loose train of thought
This sounds great. Where do you find a class like that?

Face, accept, float, and let time pass...
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Old 10-21-2010  
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Default Re: How brains of talkative people differ from the quiet people(are we in power to ch

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Originally Posted by TheAristocrat View Post
I never used to be this quiet at all. I literally say nothing now. It's made work life very difficult. I literally can't find anything to say, then over analyze everything, and the pressure builds! I thought perhaps looking at things from another perspective would help, that's my new objective. I notice that talktative people, extroverts, are more openly curious about their environment and the people around them. They are rarely eloquent and say the right things, but the mere fact they engage people around them. We make it hard for them to engage us because we are very closed and unresponsive. It's a two way street that we block off. In knowing this, I feel even more frustrated, because in principle this is a very simple problem to solve, but in practice, damn near impossible!



This is actually a very good idea. I was thinking of something like this before, but backed out when I hit another low point. Regardless of how much of a train wreck this ends up being, if it gets you out of your comfort zone and in a situation to deal with the problem, you will adapt and learn, thus grow. I definitely want to try this at some point. But there's barely anything like this where I live :(


hi,I liked how you explained that we:"we make it hard for them to engage us because we are very closed and unresponsive. It's a two way street that we block off. In knowing this, I feel even more frustrated, because in principle this is a very simple problem to solve, but in practice, damn near impossible! "

That's actually so true.I sit next to a girl in my class.When I met her first time she was so talkative and happy.I also tried to be friendly,I smiled to her and asked questions but after awhile I noticed that she's not that talkative to me anymore.I don't know what to ask her anymore.I asked her for face book and later added her as a friend;I thought maybe it will help me but it's not enough.Now I feel so bad and angry at myself.We definitely need to learn to make random conversations but as you said "this is a very simple problem to solve, but in practice, damn near impossible! "
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Old 10-21-2010  
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Default Re: How brains of talkative people differ from the quiet people(are we in power to ch

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Originally Posted by vanfuggle View Post
This sounds great. Where do you find a class like that?
yeah,it's sounds like very interesting class.I'll try to find out if it exists in my city

Last edited by otaman20; 10-21-2010 at 03:57 PM..
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