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Old 03-15-2008  
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Default How do I learn to like people?

I really do hate being so bitter and angry towards people in general, because I am a nice, caring person. But, for my 31 years on earth so far, i've had to deal with nothing but neglectful, uncaring, stupid and disrespectful people. Yes, there have been a couple of nice people, but 95% of them, not. I have a hard enough time trying to live my life mostly alone, and when it comes to dealing with people who just frustrate me, like a couple of them really did today, I just want to litterally scream my head off! 8O
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Old 03-15-2008  
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If you have the view that 95% of people are uncaring, stupid people then you might shut off the idea of even trying. Instead of thinking that way.... think that 95% of people are good, worthwhile people you just need to get to know better (until proven otherwise.)

Forget those that hurt you. From this point on, try to think more positively and have an open mind.
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Old 03-15-2008  
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Learn to like yourself first, then after that who cares? lol.

I have a negative view of people in general, it's good in a way that I won't get disappointed. If I do end up getting something positive from them though it's surprising and am grateful in a way and it shows.
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Old 03-16-2008  
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I'm quite a cynical person, so i think that most people suck. People on the whole are sellfish and only care about how much money they are making, what car they're driving etc.
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Old 07-18-2011  
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Default Re: How do I learn to like people?

I think the first step is motivation, that is, why even try?

The best answer I got for that was someone told me, "When you meet a new person, it is like taking a trip to an exotic destination. You get to travel into thier world and learn from their experiences." A lovely thought: meeting someone is somewhat analgous to a vacation.

Still, people scare the heck out of me.

I took a class once where everyone had to give a speech about something that had really affected them in thier lives. There were some very personal stories, about loss, hurt, etc. That really taught me something about a common humanity: that we all have our struggles and hardships.

It is like the saying, "Don't compare your inside with someone else's projected perfect outside". That is, we have all had a lot of pain. If you can let down your defenses enough to discover it you will find compassion in most people.

I think 20% of the world are ****s no matter what. 20% are awesome no matter what, and 60% are reactionary: they will treat you the way you treat them. So if you are defensive or suspicious they will reflect that back at you. Zen out and your world gets better.

Now I just need to always remember to take my own advice.
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Old 07-18-2011  
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Default Re: How do I learn to like people?

That's a question I'm always asking myself. Like you, I'm really bitter and angry towards people in general but in actuality I'm a really nice and caring person. I'm just easily bothered by the general public's inconsideration towards others, especially those of us with social phobia. It's really sad to know that every 8 out of 10 people you meet are total a-holes and those few 2 out of 10 are genuinely kind and compassionate people.
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Old 07-18-2011  
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Default Re: How do I learn to like people?

Like you i'm not too found of most people, that's what i spend most of my time alone and rarely try to make deeper connections with most people. I don't think you should try like people who treat you like crap, **** them, if 95% treat you like crap **** all of them. You should search for that 5% and work with them. You don't need to have a thousand friends but just a few good ones
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Old 07-18-2011  
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Default Re: How do I learn to like people?

it is my understanding that most people assume that other people are generally like themselves

that's why they ask those questions on job application questionaires

"Do you think most people would steal if they could get away with it?"

"Do you think most people lie?"

"Do you think most people call in sick when they're really not?"

etc.

because we usually consider ourselves to be "most people", the answers to those questions give a prospective employer an indication of what you yourself are like

so if you think most people are generally rotten - what does it tell you about your own self worth?

maybe that's where to start

"To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered." - Voltaire

"We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are." - Max De Pree

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anais Nin
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Old 07-18-2011  
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Default Re: How do I learn to like people?

What coyote and TheAristocrat said.

Being cynical is easy and - a lot of times - fun and entertaining in your own mind.

Learn to drop cynicism by actually interacting with the people you're pre-judging.
95% of the people you see may be ***holes, but you may also be 95% wrong about all of them. The other 5% are the ones who colored your world-view and are definitely worth dismissing from memory.

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http://toslayadragon.deviantart.com/...7572121?q=&qo= (not me btw)
"Some of them cast no shadow, they have no reflections.
Take a look in your photobook: I'm not there anymore..."
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Old 07-18-2011  
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Default Re: How do I learn to like people?

I disagree with Coyotes input and its consquences. You're saying we're projecting our own caracter onto the others. The thing is, nobody said anything about ASSUMING. There is a thing called experience and there are criterias that allow a guy to discern between a decent person and an a**hole. Obviously we're not talking strict science etc. here and we're not in an ethics seminary but i guess that's the moment to play the common sense card.

I've been reading around this forum a little lately and a lot of the threads seem to imply that there's something wrong with "you" and not with "them". Coyotes thought perpetualizes this.
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Old 07-18-2011  
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Default Re: How do I learn to like people?

You should try volunteering and interacting with less fortunate people.
Loads of people take their place in life for-granted; meanwhile there are homeless, starving and neglected children/teenagers/adults all over the place who don't get all of the help they deserve.

Volunteering often puts things into perspective and the people you help are always thankful to have you. It may give you a new view on things to know that you are lucky, you are needed and you are helpful.
If you don't like volunteering- you can always quit.
But it may prove to be good for your general outlook on life/people.
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Old 07-19-2011  
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Default Re: How do I learn to like people?

Quote:
Originally Posted by WeirdyMcGee View Post
You should try volunteering and interacting with less fortunate people.
Loads of people take their place in life for-granted; meanwhile there are homeless, starving and neglected children/teenagers/adults all over the place who don't get all of the help they deserve.

Volunteering often puts things into perspective and the people you help are always thankful to have you. It may give you a new view on things to know that you are lucky, you are needed and you are helpful.
If you don't like volunteering- you can always quit.
But it may prove to be good for your general outlook on life/people.
This is what I suggest, perfectly worded too. Sometimes a larger and/or new perspective can change everything.

Te occidere possunt sed te edere non possunt nefas est
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Old 07-19-2011  
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Default Re: How do I learn to like people?

During the peak of the havoc that SAD created in my life, I disliked most people too. While I was obsessively worrying about what they thought of me and let every little bad thing (definitely real or perceived) really get to me, I was also as judgmental towards everyone else as I thought they were to me and I looked for things to hold against them. I don't know when I made the transition away from that attitude as at the time I didn't even know I was doing it, I just had my opinions and I was convinced that's the way it was. From where I am now, the best advice I can give you is to look for the good in people. Don't get me wrong, there are some people who do really awful things and there are some incredibly stupid people out there and I'm not suggesting you try to deny that, I just think that if you look for the flaw in people (which is easy to do when you don't like them) it will be easy to find because no one is perfect. Likewise, if you look for the good in people, things that you can respect, admire or be grateful for, it is equally if not more abundant and easy to see.

SchoolTube - Test Your Awareness: Do The Test

Strangely enough, I think this video demonstrates the point I'm trying to make better than I can put into words.
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Old 07-19-2011  
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Default Re: How do I learn to like people?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr_Vabanque View Post
I disagree with Coyotes input and its consquences. You're saying we're projecting our own caracter onto the others. The thing is, nobody said anything about ASSUMING. There is a thing called experience and there are criterias that allow a guy to discern between a decent person and an a**hole. Obviously we're not talking strict science etc. here and we're not in an ethics seminary but i guess that's the moment to play the common sense card.

I've been reading around this forum a little lately and a lot of the threads seem to imply that there's something wrong with "you" and not with "them". Coyotes thought perpetualizes this.
unless someone has actually interacted with 95% of the people in the world, it would be impossible to have the direct experience necessary to validate any assumption as to their character

"To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered." - Voltaire

"We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are." - Max De Pree

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anais Nin

Last edited by coyote; 07-19-2011 at 03:19 AM..
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Old 07-19-2011  
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Default Re: How do I learn to like people?

you might just hate people and, like being homosexual, there isn't really a cure for that.

"Misanthropy is generalized dislike, distrust, disgust, contempt or hatred of the human species or human nature. A misanthrope is someone who holds such views or feelings."

Misanthropy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

How do I know this? Because I am one.

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"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness in other people"
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Old 07-19-2011  
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Default Re: How do I learn to like people?

Long story short, you can't.

What you can do is learn to be nice even to people you don't like. Don't take things too personal, be kind to others but don't expect anything from them. This makes surviving in a social enviroment far, far easier.

Passiveness and frustration are the natural enemies of happyness.
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Old 07-19-2011  
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Default Re: How do I learn to like people?

OP, i totally feel what you are saying. im going thru the same thing. over time ive been dealt a lot of hurts, and i guess i went into some lock down mode...shut myself in my room, spend most of my time alone, dont want to be around anybody.
even though a lot of people in the world are scumbags, there are still good people out there. the world hates people who are not like every one else.
when i think about misanthropy, i always think of the character Pai Mei from Kill Bill. he hates everybody(especially women), but a few people do win his respect. thats sort of the way it is for me too, after all ive been through, people have to win my respect before i will have anything to do with them. i wont give scumbags an inch.

Go into battle determined to die, and you will survive. Go into battle hoping to live, and you will surely die. -Samurai Proverb.

Last edited by doubleM; 07-19-2011 at 05:19 AM..
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Old 07-19-2011  
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Default Re: How do I learn to like people?

Quote:
unless someone has actually interacted with 95% of the people in the world, it would be impossible to have the direct experience necessary to validate any assumption as to their character
Coyote: Sure but again the fact that we cannot directly experience 95% of the people in the world doesn't imply that lonely_worlds hesitations and reservations towards people are incomprehensible or naive in any way. It's not a matter of projecting our own flaws unto others - that's rhetorical in my eyes - it's a matter of adjusting to your experience - without therefore wearing blinders of course. I don't think anyone does.
Being vigilant and critical is the way to go imo.

Last edited by Mr_Vabanque; 07-19-2011 at 03:33 PM..
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Old 07-19-2011  
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Default Re: How do I learn to like people?

This is an old thread not sure if people noticed?

It's a good thread, though, some really good answers out there already... Coyote, Pingu, Puma, vj, Mr Vabanque, McGee...

Maybe OP was just burnt out at the time? It can happen, if you treat others well and then it may not show results like you'd like to?

Personally I think 80% people are good 2% or 0.99% maybe aren't (and even they can mend their ways), the rest is inbetween...
Louise Hay's book says that if you imagine most people are good life can be much easier and they will treat you much nicer too... and I think it's true...

Another book said, if people behave 'bad', don't change hardware, change software... (way of thinking/re/acting and/or communication to them) An older boss told his son to not fire a worker who has done something bad: 'he can learn from his mistakes, it's important to educate... If you just fire anyone when they make a little mistake, you'll never have good workers...'
So yeah, it's important to distinguish 'people' from 'actions'...

Sometimes people do project things, sometimes make assumptions based on previous (limited) experiences... It is good to have some hesitations and reservations and be careful and assertive if necessary... Even good people can sometimes do 'not so great' things, usually they don't mean to do harm, they just don't know any better or have had a bad day or don't know the relevant factors or that it might even bother you, or maybe they just wanted to do some friendly teasing... They may just have different priorities or lack of knowledge.
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Old 07-19-2011  
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Default Re: How do I learn to like people?

That's a question I've been wondering myself.I'm also kind &caring to others bt don't like many of them.Maybe you can start liking a lot of ppl by jugding them from a neutral point of view & by not letting your emotions come in the way.Though there's no switch by which you can automatically start liking ppl.It does take time & a certain amount of good experience with them.
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