How do I politely tell a guy "I just want to be friends."

There's a guy that seems to be into me, but he is really not my type. I actually think he is kind of cute, but I lost any sexual attraction to him when I got to know him a little better. His personality seems agreeable and I wouldn't mind being just friends with him, but he doesn't seem to want it to be just that. Honestly, I am not sure yet what he is wanting out of this. We really don't know each other--we just met a few days ago and I've only been around him twice. But he asked me to go out to eat with him the other night and I wasn't able to go. But the way he asked was like he was asking me out on a date, and I was very uncomfortable with this because I don't want to lead him on. He's probably going to ask me out again shortly, but I can't say no again. (This situation is really complicated, and I honestly can't tell him "no", so just bear with me here.) If I do go out with him, and then he tries to get all...you know....with me, how do I politely tell him I just want to be friends. I don't have experience with this.

Before people start judging me here:
There are many downfalls on his part that I know would prove unworkable between us. I'm not shallow, so looks isn't the main factor, like I said before he's kind of cute, but he's not great looking or anything; it's his lifestyle and some other factors that are deterring me.....and I'm not looking at minor flaws, because I know I am very far from being perfect myself. I have many flaws. I am looking at his overall lifestyle and the fact that we just don't have much in common, plus he's almost ten years older than me, and I'd rather find someone my age.

Like I said, I am not 100% sure he is wanting "more" but the way he has acted, it seems like he does. I just want to know how to let a guy down nicely.....just in case. Thanks

this_portrait said:

Ugh. . . I'd give you advice, but I'm bad when it comes to politely turning down a guy I'm not interested in. In the past, I've always either meanly turned a guy down or just completely ignored them. The only time I was ever polite with turning a guy down, it was when an old high school friend directly asked me out. In this situation, I politely just said, "Sorry, but no."

Click to expand...

yeah, I definitely don't have the option of turning him down meanly....not only because he seems like a really nice guy. I could ignore him, but that will just make matters worse for me (like I said, it's complicated). That would be nice though, since I'm really good at ignoring and running away from situations.

You can simply tell him that you only want to be his friend. It's not so much what you say but more how you say it. If you politely tell him that you only want a platonic relationsihp then you can't go wrong. If he truly is a nice guy he will not hold it against you.

Ask him what the occasion is (for the dinner). If he says "I'm really into you and want to get to know you better", then that would be the least damaging time to say that you're not in the mood for a relationship at this time of your life, but you think it's nice that he asked.

Overall, just find a way to make the "rejection" come out naturally. Preferably, make him prompt it. It's still going to be a bit uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as you starting out with the rejection.

So I'm thinking you show up to the dinner with the guy and while at the dinner you bring up the topic of relationships (perhaps ask him what he thinks about them), somewhere during this discussion drop in "Yeah, I don't think I really want a relationship right now" or something like that and BAMMMM! he'll never ask you out for dinner again haha... (I think it's a good idea)

Serafina said:

You can simply tell him that you only want to be his friend. It's not so much what you say but more how you say it. If you politely tell him that you only want a platonic relationsihp then you can't go wrong. If he truly is a nice guy he will not hold it against you.

Click to expand...

The best path of action to take, without a doubt. Just be calm and direct and tell him you don't know what he is thinking, but that you think he might want to be more than friends. Let him know that you are only wanting to be friends with him and nothing else. Do NOT hint at things. Most men are unable to understand what you mean by hinting, and even the best of men are sometimes misled or misunderstand what you are trying to hint. If he is a nice guy, like Serafina said, he won't hold it against you and will move on to someone else. If he continues his advances, tell him they are not welcome, the he is making you uncomfortable. And, if he still continues, talk to your supervisor. Good luck, and great idea asking this question and being honest about your feelings!

danstelter said:

The best path of action to take, without a doubt. Just be calm and direct and tell him you don't know what he is thinking, but that you think he might want to be more than friends. Let him know that you are only wanting to be friends with him and nothing else. Do NOT hint at things. Most men are unable to understand what you mean by hinting, and even the best of men are sometimes misled or misunderstand what you are trying to hint. If he is a nice guy, like Serafina said, he won't hold it against you and will move on to someone else. If he continues his advances, tell him they are not welcome, the he is making you uncomfortable. And, if he still continues, talk to your supervisor. Good luck, and great idea asking this question and being honest about your feelings!

Click to expand...

I couldn't improve on that other than to say don't be so hard on yourself. It won't be the end of his world if he doesn't go out with you.

Right now it sounds like he's just taken with an idea he has of you. Once he realizes that you're just another human being like every one else and that there are plenty more out there, who actually will like him in the way he wants, he'll feel better about not wasting time on someone who's better cut-out to be his friend.

He may or may not take you up on your invitation to be pals though, so be prepared for that. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong, it just means he needs time to lick his ego wounds.

see they words "I just want to be friends" ive been told that a million times.
it hurts everytime, but they are really the only words you can use i think.
"I just want to be friends" sounds a lot better than "f**k off"!!