How do i stop disliking people?

Okay I feel like I've come a really long way.. But the thing that stands in my way now is that im just untrusting.

In all honesty.. Yeah I can talk in public. I can even ask stupid questions in class. But I cant make friends i actually WANT to keep up with. Its soo wierd. I dont know how to open up. Im scared to open up.


Is anyone in the same situation as me? Does anyone have problems opening up to other people? What kind of progress have you made and what did you do to help yourself most?

I know I've gotta just push myself to open up... But its hard. I feel like I've always always tried. I can even act crazy in class and make jokes and talk, but at the end of the day i still just want to get away.

I feel very broken.

I can be nice and friendly to people on a professional level but when it comes to forming friendships i'm unable to open up and trust people.

I wonder sometimes if not being able to open up is my only problem. When I think about it, it seems as though if I was able open up easy, all other problems would fall in line.

I feel exactly the same way. I can have conversations with people on a professional level no problem at work, even make jokes and small talk with coworkers, but really being able to open up with people and make actual friends is beyond me.

Thanks you guys it is nice to hear from you all.. : )

Do you think you maybe... try to size yourself up to everyone in general and feel its impossible? Lik you think you should just get along with everyone?

Last week i went to a club meeting and felt relaxed around everyone there. I will go back. I have only been once though.

Has anyone found success in clubs? I hope it works and I can open up to people there.
What kind of work do you do recluse? Do you like your job?

What about everyone elses jobs?

I think it comes down to your opinion of yourself. If you feel insecure, you wont want people close to you on that level. I think with acceptance and also realizing you dont have to be so uptight and rigid you may be able to have friends. I still struggle with this myself. But I am really trying to love and accept myself, be comfortable with myself and accepting of friendly people. I do think I deserve it too, this is something else you must feel. If you feel you arent deserving its gonna be a barrier in building relationships. I also think control issues play a part in it too, I think we dont want people close cause we would think that if they no longer are our friends its sorta like a rejection. I think you have to be accepting of that as well.

PunkRotten said:

I think it comes down to your opinion of yourself. If you feel insecure, you wont want people close to you on that level. I think with acceptance and also realizing you dont have to be so uptight and rigid you may be able to have friends. I still struggle with this myself. But I am really trying to love and accept myself, be comfortable with myself and accepting of friendly people. I do think I deserve it too, this is something else you must feel. If you feel you arent deserving its gonna be a barrier in building relationships. I also think control issues play a part in it too, I think we dont want people close cause we would think that if they no longer are our friends its sorta like a rejection. I think you have to be accepting of that as well.

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I agree with this. I think on some level it has to do with no wanting to open up out of fear of rejection, because we have trained ourselves to think rejection means something is wrong with us.

I don't know how to open up, either. I'm not very good when It comes to socializing and talking to people. Seriously, what do people talk about? How do they make their conversations last longer than 20 seconds?

philly2bits said:

I agree with this. I think on some level it has to do with no wanting to open up out of fear of rejection, because we have trained ourselves to think rejection means something is wrong with us.

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Yes, that certainly does contribute to the problem, but the other half of the issue is that some people (myself included) honestly don't know what to say.

Theres tons of things to talk about. Read books on different subjects and you will have more to talk about. You dont have to be an expert chatter at all. Theres tons of things around us to talk about. Get a piece of paper and make a list of subjects, you'd be suprised.

PunkRotten said:

I think it comes down to your opinion of yourself. If you feel insecure, you wont want people close to you on that level. I think with acceptance and also realizing you dont have to be so uptight and rigid you may be able to have friends. I still struggle with this myself. But I am really trying to love and accept myself, be comfortable with myself and accepting of friendly people. I do think I deserve it too, this is something else you must feel. If you feel you arent deserving its gonna be a barrier in building relationships. I also think control issues play a part in it too, I think we dont want people close cause we would think that if they no longer are our friends its sorta like a rejection. I think you have to be accepting of that as well.

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Thanks Its nice to get feedback
I actually love myself but its like theres a limit to it. im afraid im socially inept. When i was young i was really angry at everyone, i hated being criticized....


You say i dont have to be uptight and rigid.. but its like theres a ghost of the outside pressure floating around. it makes me crazy.

I should just throw it off but it never goes away. I kinda have the same view of people i had when i was younger.

I always TRY to be nice and sincere and stop thinking, go with the flow.. I keep telling myself I'll learn it will make sense someday.. but I guess people dont buy it. Even though im pretty nice im quiet 70% of the time.... I always dissapear back into my little world. I know people are not always full of crap but sometimes when i encounter people who are cold i revert back to being negative... especially when i have to put up with these people for extended amounts of time.

im always afraid of sounding full of myself. i dont understand why some people return coldness when i never did anything really. im afraid im socially innept and doing something mean and i dont realize it. so im afraid of coming of smug. people always tend to think you are a snob when you are quiet and its nauseating. No matter how nice i try to be something always feels wrong. i feel creepy.

maybe i just gravitate towards the wrong people? or maybe i AM a cold bitch???

Ive noticed you say that whenever you act or feel a certain way, people react a certain way, as if you can read their mind. I can relate to alot of what you are saying. But now I dont think that in-depth about it. I dont see why people make it so complicated more than it is. I also think people need to stick up for themselves more and stop feeling like they have to be nice and pleasing to everyone, that somehow others are more valuable than them.

I feel this way too. Unfortunately I haven't gotten past it, so I have no suggestions.

PunkRotten said:

Ive noticed you say that whenever you act or feel a certain way, people react a certain way, as if you can read their mind. I can relate to alot of what you are saying. But now I dont think that in-depth about it. I dont see why people make it so complicated more than it is. I also think people need to stick up for themselves more and stop feeling like they have to be nice and pleasing to everyone, that somehow others are more valuable than them.

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I do stick up for myself. And im not nice and pleasing to EVERYONE. Thats impossible and I dont try to be... in fact I hate trying to please certain people, so i dont. I just avoid them.

Its not that i overcomplicate things. I feel like im taking stabs in the dark.

I definitely feel like this. I've only been able to be completely open with one person in my life. I have friends that I joke around with, but we never go near any serious issue or open up about things besides just joking around. And I sort of like that in a way because it's just comfortable for me. But at the same time, those relationships likely aren't going to be too important to me, and they're not. That seems bad to say, but they really aren't very important relationships to me.

With coming across as a snob with being a quiet and kept to myself person, I definitely agree. I don't really want to come across that way, but it happens. The ironic thing is that while people might think that I think that I'm better than them by not really being involved with other people, it's the exact opposite. I feel very inferior and that's why I don't engage myself in deep connections with people.

yuletide with bleach said:

Thanks you guys it is nice to hear from you all.. : )

Do you think you maybe... try to size yourself up to everyone in general and feel its impossible? Lik you think you should just get along with everyone?

Last week i went to a club meeting and felt relaxed around everyone there. I will go back. I have only been once though.

Has anyone found success in clubs? I hope it works and I can open up to people there.
What kind of work do you do recluse? Do you like your job?

What about everyone elses jobs?

Click to expand...

I'm a retail security officer. I've only been doing the job for two weeks.

I have trouble opening upto people because I don't really trust them because I've been screwed so many times before and I don't really like people and just don't think much of them.

Its okay to hate people on some level
Loads of comedians joke about hating the human race and generally being misanthropic. I think the more open you are about that stuff, the easier it is to make friends in a way...