How do you become more talkative?

I just came home after meeting an old friend I hadn't met since two years ago. He's very talkative and i'm not. He talked about 95% of the time and had so much so say. I was a complete bore for most of the time. After I talked a bit on what I do today, old memories, e tc I really don't have anything left to talk about. I'm so jealous towards people who just can ramble about anything with anyone and always have something to say. I'm not stupid, I read a lot, I know a lot.

I recently gained a lot of confidence and I'm not nearly as nervous in social situations. It's not that I'm afraid to talk, the problem is that I really don't have anything to talk about. Now I want to take it to the next level. I want to become more talkative, be more interesting so that I can gain more friends and perhaps a girlfriend.

I guess there most be a lot of people like me who were quiet and a bit of a bore and now are really talkative, funny and charming. What did you to change?

How to be more talkative

Hi I am not sure if we are the ones to be asking how to talk more.LOL

Its intresting how you mentioned that you are well read and are not stupid. None of us are.

You also said you are not afraid to talk..... none of us are either.

Ive noticed the problem with me and the other members is that once in a while our minds go blank but the biggest problem is self censorship. We are constantly trying to pick the perfect things to say.

I ve heard there a gobal orginization called (Tostmasters) that can be found on sites like Meetup.com that teaches members to do public speaking.

Personaly I am not at that stage yet but have started practicing conversations skills by using instan messenger voice.

Re: How to be more talkative

TAMPA-BAY said:

Hi I am not sure if we are the ones to be asking how to talk more.LOL

Its intresting how you mentioned that you are well read and are not stupid. None of us are.

You also said you are not afraid to talk..... none of us are either.

Ive noticed the problem with me and the other members is that once in a while our minds go blank but the biggest problem is self censorship. We are constantly trying to pick the perfect things to say.

I ve heard there a gobal orginization called (Tostmasters) that can be found on sites like Meetup.com that teaches members to do public speaking.

Personaly I am not at that stage yet but have started practicing conversations skills by using instan messenger voice.

Click to expand...

I know that a forum like is probalbly not the best place to ask the question but I've figuered that there must be people here who can understand my problems and who'm made the journey from beeing quiet to the talk of the party. People that can see the problem from our perspective. Funny you mentioned that about always feeling you have to say something intelligent. If I don't get the kind of answer that I want to something I've said I can really beat myself up, while "normal" people just don't give a fuck about it and continue to chat. I should do that as well.

I've been thinking about going to a toastmaster club for a long time now. Your post settled it.

Honestly, I don't think that I ever will be... I think that there are things about ourselves that we can change, but in some ways we are what we are... I also have a hard time knowing WHAT to say to people... I think that therapy will probably help, and maybe meds will, too, but I can't imagine any way that I could ever be turned into an extravert... or even be close to one.

My hope is that I will at some point feel less anxious when I have to talk to people, but I simply can't imagine ever wanting to sit there and hold conversations without having to... Except with a very select few people.

Do you have a pet? I find that talking about pets is a good way to relate to people. Even if you don't have one, if you know that someone else does, asking them about it is a good way to keep a conversation going. People love to talk about their pets.

Other than that, the main thing that I've learned from years of sitting quietly at parties and listening to other people talk, is that people love to talk about other people. So gossiping about common acquaintances is probably a good way to become a better conversationalist, although you have to walk a fine line to avoid coming off as mean, when you talk about people behind their back. This is one reason that I find it hard to talk to people about other people. The other reason, though, is that I usually don't have that much of an opinion about the people I know. I'm always amazed to hear all the things that my sister, for example, has to say about all of our common acquaintances. She seems to read a lot more into their behavior than I do. This can make it intimidating for me to talk to her about other people, in the same way that I would be intimidated to try to talk about, say, sports, to someone who knows way more about sports than I do.

VioletTears said:

My hope is that I will at some point feel less anxious when I have to talk to people, but I simply can't imagine ever wanting to sit there and hold conversations without having to... Except with a very select few people.

Click to expand...

I think the best way to achieve this is to accept the anxiety and just let it be there when you are with other people. If think something like if I do not have anxiety then everything will be fine, then it is just going to get worse.

Another point is you should talk to people about things that interest / make sense to you. I think a person that talks less but when he/she does so it is interesting is a lot better than someone being talkative while only talking gibberish

I find if I'm more upbeat or responsive, people become more open to starting the conversation with me or just casually talking where as before it seems they don't have a clue what to say. They relax you relax, just let it go, people become more comfortable and just take these opportunities to communicate but don't force it. If your convo dies just leave it at that and move on. Don't worry about it.

This is the only thing that will work IMO. Just start being more responsive and they relax a little bit around you so that helps you relax. I've greatly improved I think by doing this little by little. Sure there are still people who I never get the opportunity to respond so in the break room its just dead silence and awkward but.. oh well...

don't try to do what you can't.it's better if you don't try to be too talkative.when i still studied in college i tried to be the person i'm not like talking to a lot of peoples.but after a while i know that we are not the same type of people.i always felt bored when i am with them and i don't really know what to talk too..in the end i stick with the 2 girls who is more like me.

I talk like crazy when I have alcohol in me. And I will talk about anything.

When sober i'm sat there quiet thinking about something to say in response to what someone else has said but by the time i've thought of something interesting the convo has changed like a flash. People change convos so quick!! 8O
xx

I find that you don't have to say much to appear interesting. You should just try to make sure that when you do speak, it's good. Then people might get the idea that "he doesn't say much, but when he does, it's worth it" and they'll actually consider you a very interesting person.

Some people have the incredible ability to spout out a steady stream of verbal diarrhea merely by opening their mouths, but that doesn't necessarily mean that anything they say is interesting or that anyone actually listens to them.

Besides, no one will care if you're boring if you can be a good listener. If other people are happy to do all the talking, then let them. Listening is perhaps, ironically, the best skill you can develop if you want people to think of you as a good conversationalist.

You probably have things to talk about, it's just that you are intimidated by talkative, confident people. The reason you have nothing to talk about is because your mind is clouded with thoughts about how you think you're a bore and how you think that your friend might be wondering why you're so quiet. My therapist introduced me to the concept of reflective listening, whereby you listen intently to what the person is saying - focus on every word - and then reiterate what they're saying. Don't just say "yeh", "ahuh", "yeh" - try and respond like "oh so you did that", "or that sounds like fun". You may then find an opening to talk yourself for an extended period.