How do you make friends as an adult?!

Richey · 07-03-2009, 10:02 AM

like early 20's, for instance.

If i'm out its usually alone these days, it wasn't always that way but i've lost contact with friends and everyone in my uni classes are more like acquentances that already have friends they are content with.

i know that randomly approaching people and just talking is the best way but when i'm out at school or at the shops trying to analyse other people who are alone i suddenly feel creepy and odd even pondering approaching them, which is unnecessary but thats what my mind is telling me, that the other person probably already has a thousand friends, if she is a girl then she probably has a boyfriend and will be put off by any sort of banter or humour. so the self concsiousness tends to take over and then panic sets in.

going to pub alone is just way too awkward, depending on the pub. but you tend to sit around taking in the environment and it just feel strange with everyone else in groups though you can just pretend you're with other people and you are lost to make yourself feel better.

but how else do you make friends if you don't have any close friends?! you have to start out alone and you must try right?! yeh, and these days everyone looks so trendy, so i keep second guessing if i'm wearing the right clothes etc ...

i play basketball, i'm involved in a debate club, i'm around people alot but making friends just isn't happening....

are there any methods that work, oh dear

Emmmmy · 07-03-2009, 04:04 PM

I don't really know the answer, but I made some good friends through work in my early 20s - maybe that could be somewhere to start?
A difference between work and an interest club is that you are forced together at work, and you make conversation out of boredom.

I know that sounds really desperate of me (I need to rely on someone being extremely bored to talk to me!).... but I do feel it takes the pressure 'to be interesting' away. I find some good conversations come out of the 'bored mindset' you have at work. I think because I don't feel as imposing, as I know they are also bored. Knowing I'm not being too imposing - put's me more at ease also.

Of course, the downside is you might get 'forced together' with someone you really don't like - but you can always quit!

mikestar · 07-03-2009, 04:57 PM

im the same early twenties and havent got any mates. I have freinds over the internet but thats all. I am looking for a girlfreind who feels the same way I do wish me lots of luck!!

try getting a job

thor01 · 07-03-2009, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Richey

like early 20's, for instance.

If i'm out its usually alone these days, it wasn't always that way but i've lost contact with friends and everyone in my uni classes are more like acquentances that already have friends they are content with.

i know that randomly approaching people and just talking is the best way but when i'm out at school or at the shops trying to analyse other people who are alone i suddenly feel creepy and odd even pondering approaching them, which is unnecessary but thats what my mind is telling me, that the other person probably already has a thousand friends, if she is a girl then she probably has a boyfriend and will be put off by any sort of banter or humour. so the self concsiousness tends to take over and then panic sets in.

going to pub alone is just way too awkward, depending on the pub. but you tend to sit around taking in the environment and it just feel strange with everyone else in groups though you can just pretend you're with other people and you are lost to make yourself feel better.

but how else do you make friends if you don't have any close friends?! you have to start out alone and you must try right?! yeh, and these days everyone looks so trendy, so i keep second guessing if i'm wearing the right clothes etc ...

i play basketball, i'm involved in a debate club, i'm around people alot but making friends just isn't happening....

are there any methods that work, oh dear

What said about going out/random people sums up my problem in that area.
I also don't really have friends, just acquaintances that won't go further than that. And there's also very few of them anyway.

mimi1988 · 07-04-2009, 04:29 AM

How do you make friends as an adult?

You know, that's a good a$$ question. At least when I was in high school I was amongst a bunch of ppl my age. It's hard to make friends period when you're social phobic. But it becomes even harder when you're an adult. I saw where someone suggested making friends at work. Well, it depends on where you work. At my last job I worked amongst 8 ppl who ranged from ages 34- 70. I guess it's best to make sure your job has ppl in your age group, lol.

PhantomPod · 07-04-2009, 06:28 AM

I really wish I knew. I'm in my early twenties and in the same boat as you. I just can't figure it out.

I have zero friends and barely any acquaintances. I still live in my home town, but I had zero friends in high school, so it's not like I have any high school friends in town to hang out with. And I went to college in a different state. I barely made any friends/acquaintances there anyways, but now that I'm graduated, they're in different states anyhow.

I work at a place with mostly young people around my age, but I haven't been making friends there. I have been there for a year now and I talk with people in work, but nothing has grown into a "friendship" where we would hang out outside of work.

I feel like I'm in such a rut. Part of me is just figuring I should start feeling content with my solitary life, but the other part of me is still wanting friends and people to do fun things with. For example: I am going on a cruise with my family in october. It will be my mom and dad in one cabin, my grandmother and grandfather in another cabin/room, and then me by myself in a two person cabin/room because I have no friend to invite! Like, if I was "normal" I'd be able to invite one of my friends to come on this cruise with me, but since I have zero friends I have no one to even ask. It's more expensive too, to have just one person in a 2 person cabin. I will just be stuck with my parents and grandparents the whole vacation, but I do think I will still have fun. I just wish I actually had a friend I could bring :(

But I just went off on a tangent. Basically, I don't understand how we, as adults, can make new friends. I suppose just keep joining clubs and putting yourself out there and hope for the best? I don't know.

One tip I will offer though is to check out the website meetup.com. There are groups on there which do fun activities and most of the people who go to these meetings go by themselves because they are wanting to meet new people, same as you. So I guess a friendship might be able to grow out of that. I went to two meetups. One was a social anxiety group (it was kind of nice and helpful, but the people were actually older than me, while I was hoping they'd be my age). And I went to another outdoor adventure meetup where we went paintballing. It was very fun! I didn't really form a friendship with anyone, but I did talk to people and it was still nice to be able to have people to do something fun with.