Re: How do you make friends if you are shy?
It feels so difficult, doesn't it!
I used to teach classes in communication skills and shyness. Remember, when you have to push through fear to make the attempt, it just takes longer.
Start with where you have an intrinsic interest-- something that you're curious about or liked in the past. If you head out the door just to make friends, you probably won't go-- it's too hard.Saying to yourself, I've got to get out and make friends will rarely get you out the door. The problem with shyness is that it gets in the way of exploration, so sometimes we don't even know what we might enjoy, as we haven't had the opportunity to explore. Circle anything where you feel the stirring of curiosity-- look at Parks and Recreation classes, for example. When I move to a new area I almost always start with the library, an exercise class, a political cause I'm angry about. Memorize the body language of looking friendly- practice in front of a mirror, so you don't intimidate people. Always know ahead of time how to do a departure-- if you know you won't get trapped you're more likely to try. No matter what happens you always praise yourself for attempting- for ex. I got there-- I stayed 10 minutes- I got out of the car- I said "hi" to one person. It's honoring the attempt, because in the beginning the punishment is higher than the reward. Don't give up!
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