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Old 07-01-2011  
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Default How Do You Overcome Feeling Unlovable?

I can't shake these feelings. I'm in therapy, in a support group, trying to be positive, trying to find hobbies and positive outlets, but nothing works.

I still feel unlovable, like I'm not worthy of having close relationships with real emotional bonds.

It's the only thing that I've ever wanted and I've never had it. I feel empty inside all the time.

I don't mean only romantic relationships, but close friendships, people I could count on no matter what, people I could open up and be myself completely with.

I worry that maybe it is true after all.
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Old 07-01-2011  
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Default Re: How Do You Overcome Feeling Unlovable?

Bittersweet it definitely isn't true. I think we all feel that way whether it be a fleeting feeling or a constant. I myself feel it as a constant too... I don't know what i can really say to help you because i haven't been able to figure it out myself. You seem to be doing all the right things "therapy, positive thinking, etc"... One day it will all be easier. There are certain people you will meet in life who can change your entire world, you wont see it coming .. and i mean in a positive way. I hope you come across someone like that and in the mean time keep up with what you've been doing, and I know it isn't easy and can feel hopeless... but push through and keep hope.


I'm taking a break beacuse i'm losing it again.

I feel like a muppet with a drunken puppeteer, but i'll survive...

I will survive
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Old 07-01-2011  
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Default Re: How Do You Overcome Feeling Unlovable?

Bittersweet, thank you for posting this,
its the same feelings I have been struggling with for a long time
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Old 07-01-2011  
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Default Re: How Do You Overcome Feeling Unlovable?

I know exactly how you feel.

But I'm not worried about it. Not anymore. Because I can love and I want the people I love to be happy. And seeing them happy makes me feel better too.

I know that it's strange that even if they don't feel the same for you (in romantic relationships or friendships) you'll be happy, but knowing I can still love other people and making everything I can do for them it's the best feeling I have experienced in years.
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Old 07-01-2011  
Beatrice
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Default Re: How Do You Overcome Feeling Unlovable?

I feel exactly the same way.
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Old 07-01-2011  
Mad Max
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Default Re: How Do You Overcome Feeling Unlovable?

Yep, I'm in the club as well. Horrifically low self esteem will do that to ya. I wish I could find a way to turn that self-hate into self-love.

destroy the end
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Old 07-01-2011  
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Default Re: How Do You Overcome Feeling Unlovable?

I know what you mean. I still have hope tho I am in a dark place right now. For me too this un-loveable thing would go into other things like compliments. Or hearing "I love you" and thinking immediately "she's so nice to say that". Or hearing it makes me very nervous.
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Old 07-01-2011  
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Default Re: How Do You Overcome Feeling Unlovable?

This feeling has been with me for all the time and it just cannot be "overcome". My feeling of unworthiness is not based upon perceived stuff but facts.
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Old 07-01-2011  
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Default Re: How Do You Overcome Feeling Unlovable?

Still it could be how you perceive the facts/present them. Like the glass half empty/half full model. Or when something bad happens to you. You could think of it like you being a victim or a survivor. One is more positive, both are true. Sorry if I'm preaching but i hate seeing the word "can't".

Oh and that reminds me. This comedian I like, when his mind starts going nuts with his couch he just says to himself "I'm just a guy sitting on a couch." I guess it counteracts all his negative anxious thoughts and grounds him. I've always liked this phrase since hearing it.

Last edited by atavistic; 07-01-2011 at 07:21 AM.. Reason: Added to it.
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Old 07-01-2011  
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Default Re: How Do You Overcome Feeling Unlovable?

When my self-esteem is at it's lowest (usually in my lowest fits of depression) I try to keep occupied with anything to keep my mind from wandering off to those dark places. I guess that's why I have so many hobbies. Feeling that you are creating something and learning something helps build self-confidence.

Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby. -Ruth E. Renkel
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