How do you stop obsessing over someone

I've quite recently cut contact with someone who i should never have gotten involved with. We had a sort of FWB type thing that ended up turning into an "affair", i suppose you could call it. He never actually told me he didn't want a relationship until after we slept together the first time so it ended up being a fwb (friends with benefits) thing even though that's not what i wanted.

We stopped sleeping together when he was no longer single but stayed in touch as friends, that's what he called it anyway, but he started flirting and eventually we ended up sleeping together. I know it's not an excuse but i had a lot of feelings for him, probably because he was the first guy i'd ever been with.

There's a lot more to this but it would be too long to write it all. This unhealthy "relationship" has been going on since 2010. Yes, three years. I finally told him last year that i was done and i couldn't do it anymore because he was with her. He asked if we could be friends in the future and i said that i'd have to think about it.

After that he removed me from Facebook and we didn't speak for about 6 or 7 months. He did contact me once during that time via Facebook. He inboxed me and asked if i wanted to meet but i said no. Christmas day came around and he text me at 5am , which i thought was strange, saying merry christmas and some other stupid thing that i can't remember. I just wished him a happy christmas and didn't say anything else. He text me again on new years eve with a flirty text and calling me "cutie" which i ignored. A month or so i yet again get another text asking if i'd like to meet for a drink which i didn't respond to.

His last text was just over a month ago so i'm hoping that he's maybe thought that texting me isn't such a good idea. He's getting married quite soon, i don't know when but i do know that mutual friends are going. This has become a really bad obsession of mine. I keep checking friends Facebook profiles for info about it even though i though that it's going to really, really hurt me.

I can't stop obsessing about the girl he's marrying and what she's got that i haven't. I know what i'm doing is unhealthy and i'm only hurting myself but i really don't know how to stop. If i see any wedding pictures in the future i think this depression that i'm feeling will destroy me.

I read the whole post.

To answer the title question:

1. Evacuate him from your life.

2. Time.

There is no easy way, unfortunately.

3. Don't be jealous of a girl who is marrying an unfaithful guy.

My advice to you is forget about him you are worth so much more than that scumbag. Deletehis number from yyour phone change your number and move on with your life...he used you in the worst way and you deserve happiness from a guy who truely cares for you...he is getting married so try rebuilding your life it takes time but I promise you it will be better for you. ..same thing happened to me I had a one night stand and afterwards he told me he didnt even like me however every weekend he would text me asking if he could meet with me...I thought no he is not doing this to me so I deleted his number his facebbok changed my number and blocked him from my life and now im in an amazing relationship with a guy who treats me well of two years and I am glad i cut that scumbag out my life and moved upward to a guy who treats me like a princess. I also say dont hate yourself youve got to move on dont blame yourself...you need to believe you will find someone who will make you forget

doctor_who said:

My advice to you is forget about him you are worth so much more than that scumbag. Deletehis number from yyour phone change your number and move on with your life...he used you in the worst way and you deserve happiness from a guy who truely cares for you...he is getting married so try rebuilding your life it takes time but I promise you it will be better for you. ..same thing happened to me I had a one night stand and afterwards he told me he didnt even like me however every weekend he would text me asking if he could meet with me...I thought no he is not doing this to me so I deleted his number his facebbok changed my number and blocked him from my life and now im in an amazing relationship with a guy who treats me well of two years and I am glad i cut that scumbag out my life and moved upward to a guy who treats me like a princess. I also say dont hate yourself youve got to move on dont blame yourself...you need to believe you will find someone who will make you forget

Click to expand...

Thanks

People say that time heals all wounds. I would break ALL contact with him and try to forget about him. I believe continuing to check facebook won't help you in letting go. It hurts and it will probably anger you but it does get better. Have you thought about finding a new boyfriend? An actual boyfriend instead of somebody that just wants to use you? Someone who values you as a person? I hope you can find happiness. It really sounds to me like he didn't deserve you in the first place.

It sounds like you dodged a bullet with this one, just try to look at it that way. He doesn't sound like the loyal type at all.

Pacific_Loner said:

3. Don't be jealous of a girl who is marrying an unfaithful guy.

Click to expand...

Exactly. The guy is a piece of shit, and using you for sex. Why would you want to be with someone in any capacity that is unfaithful, and untrustworthy? Block his number, and block him on facebook.

I felt the same way about a man. But thank God we never met in person. Who knows what might have went on between us.

Just cut all contact with this person. He is no good for you.

He's an asshole. And he didn't appreciate or respect you enough to even consider you for a relationship.

The obsession is understandable. Have you dealt with the closure of it all? Closure can do a lot for a person and putting all things in the past and moving forward.

Use this as a lesson: only deal with guys that want the same thing as you do and do not compromise... You have a right to want a relationship and if he doesn't want it, move on. You're worth more than that.

doctor_who said:

My advice to you is forget about him you are worth so much more than that scumbag. Deletehis number from yyour phone change your number and move on with your life...he used you in the worst way and you deserve happiness from a guy who truely cares for you...he is getting married so try rebuilding your life it takes time but I promise you it will be better for you. ..same thing happened to me I had a one night stand and afterwards he told me he didnt even like me however every weekend he would text me asking if he could meet with me...I thought no he is not doing this to me so I deleted his number his facebbok changed my number and blocked him from my life and now im in an amazing relationship with a guy who treats me well of two years and I am glad i cut that scumbag out my life and moved upward to a guy who treats me like a princess. I also say dont hate yourself youve got to move on dont blame yourself...you need to believe you will find someone who will make you forget

Click to expand...

THIS!!! As well as taking a break from social media for a while. I do that if I find myself in situations like this... Plus sometimes, a break helps a lot.

Wow. Thank you everyone for being so nice. I'm trying to move on and work on my issues. Mainly feeling inferior and like i'm not good enough. I hope it gets better.

nicole1 said:

He's an asshole. And he didn't appreciate or respect you enough to even consider you for a relationship.

The obsession is understandable. Have you dealt with the closure of it all? Closure can do a lot for a person and putting all things in the past and moving forward.

Use this as a lesson: only deal with guys that want the same thing as you do and do not compromise... You have a right to want a relationship and if he doesn't want it, move on. You're worth more than that.

Click to expand...

I don't really think i'm going to get any closure to be honest. I think what's keeping me stuck is the fact that he's gotten away with it and hasn't suffered any pain. I don't think he deserves happiness but that's life. :idontknow:

SmileMore said:

Wow. Thank you everyone for being so nice. I'm trying to move on and work on my issues. Mainly feeling inferior and like i'm not good enough. I hope it gets better.

Click to expand...

It'll get better. You're not inferior to anyone and you're certainly good enough. While what happened may have been unfortunate, you did the right thing and ended it, even though you had feelings for him. That shows maturity and that you don't compromise your morals, two extremely important qualities in a person. Just give yourself some time and, if you feel like it, go talk to a therapist about your problems. Good luck:thumbup:.

If it helps though, you can tell the wife about what was going on. She deserves to know that her partner was/is unfaithful.

DeadmanWalking said:

It'll get better. You're not inferior to anyone and you're certainly good enough. While what happened may have been unfortunate, you did the right thing and ended it, even though you had feelings for him. That shows maturity and that you don't compromise your morals, two extremely important qualities in a person. Just give yourself some time and, if you feel like it, go talk to a therapist about your problems. Good luck:thumbup:.

If it helps though, you can tell the wife about what was going on. She deserves to know that her partner was/is unfaithful.

Click to expand...

Thanks Telling her has crossed my mind but i don't think it would end well if i did. For starters, i'm a total stranger to her and i doubt she'd believe me anyway. They're getting married in like 2 weeks i think so i'm just trying my best to keep a safe distance and let them get on with it.

Time....just keep caring until you can stop.